Worst Case Scenario

By Colin 'Zeke' Hayman
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 2:06 PM GMT

See Also: 'Worst Case Scenario' Episode Guide

Holo-Chakotay: Hello. Would you like to join a mutiny?
B'Elanna: Um, I'll get back to you on that.

Holo-Janeway: Paris and I are leaving for a little while. Think you can handle the ship?
Holo-Chakotay: Sure! Absolutely! I would not even think of starting a mutiny! No sirree, not me!
Holo-Janeway: Glad to hear it. Bye.
Holo-Tuvok: The shuttle's gone.
Holo-Chakotay: Excellent. Mutiny time!
Holo-Harry: Okay. Wait a sec, that's not right -- OW!

Holo-Neelix: I would like to defect.
Seska: I say we kill him.
Holo-Chakotay: I say you can bite me. Hey, why don't you have a "Holo-" prefix before your name?
Seska: Plot point. Don't ask.

Seska: I don't trust that Torres chick.
Holo-Chakotay: Shut up so I can give my Big Dramatic Mutiny Speech. (ahem) Ladies and gentlemen...join us or else.
Seska: I'm sure they're very inspired.

Paris: Hey! What gives?
B'Elanna: This is a mysterious holonovel about a Maquis rebellion -- but the viewers didn't know that! Ha!
Paris: Can I try?
B'Elanna: You'll have to wear a yellow uniform, implying that you're a chicken.
Paris: Well, honesty is the best policy.

Holo-Chakotay: Hello. Would you like to join a mutiny?
Paris: Yes! Oh God, yes! Wait, that probably sounded suspicious, didn't it?

Holo-Janeway: Paris and I are--
Holo-Chakotay: Heard it before. Get lost already.
Holo-Tuvok: They're gone.
Holo-Chakotay: Mutiny time!
Paris: You know, that line isn't as catchy as you think it is.
Holo-Chakotay: You're a traitor, aren't you? To the brig with you!

Paris: Shouldn't we escape?
Holo-Tuvok: I've had it with your escapism. We should stay here and wait till they kill us.
Holo-Guard: Okay, everybody out.
Holo-Tuvok: ....or till that happens, of course.

Paris: I hereby defect. For real this time.
Holo-Chakotay: Excellent -- another defective.
Paris: Defector.
Holo-Chakotay: I'm the captain, and I say you're defective.

Paris: So you think I should play as a full mutineer next time?
Torres: Yep. That's my policy: betray early and often.

Holo-Janeway: I'm back to reclaim the ship!
Holo-Chakotay: Gee, sucks to be you. Fire all weapons.
Paris: Even the slingshot?
Holo-Chakotay: No, that's our ace in the hole.

Holo-Janeway: Ha! I've snuck on board. Now I'll--OW!
Holo-Chakotay: Take tha--OW!
Paris: How symmetric. Speaking of which: hi, me!
Holo-Paris: Hi. Nice hair.
Computer: BEEP! With that tense Mexican standoff, the program ends.
Paris: Oh, for Mike's sake!
Computer: Mike?

Tuvok: Okay, I admit it -- I wrote the program.
Janeway: Then I order you to finish it.
Janeway: Whiner. Fine, Paris can do it.
Tuvok: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" again, only more so.

Paris: Okay, time to start writing.
Tuvok: Hi, I'm here to help.
Paris: Er...
Torres, Kim, Neelix, and Doc: Hi, we're here to help.
Paris: Tuvok, I hereby declare you the least of various evils.

Tuvok: Begin program.
Seska: Hiya. I've taken over so we can play a deadly game of cat and mouse.
Paris: Can Tuvok and I be the cat?
Seska: Certai--hey, wait a minute! No!
Paris: Rats, I almost got her.

Kim: Uh oh. Holodeck problems.
Janeway: Sometimes I ask myself, "Why do we continue to use such a faulty piece of technology?" And then, suddenly, I remember -- I don't have a clue.

Holo-Janeway: Time to die, Sesk--AAAAAAAGH!
Seska: SeskA. With an A.
Holo-Janeway: I was interrupted by being vaporized by my phaser rifle.
Seska: That's no excuse.

Seska: Hi guys. Here, watch Chakotay talk romantically to me.
Holo-Chakotay: Seska...you're beautiful when you're chopping.
Paris: Oh, big deal! Holograms of Chakotay will say that to anybody!
Seska: Consider yourself shot.

Paris: I'm shot. Fix me.
Holo-Doc: Okay. But first I'll bash you around.
Tuvok: Now just a sec...you're a hologram of the Doctor, but the Doctor is already a hologram. Don't you find that confusing?
Holo-Doc: I think I'll bash you around too.

Tuvok: AAAAAAAAH! It's the attack of the killer coolant leak!
Paris: Look, an anti-killer-coolant-leak device. It must be a sign from God.
Tuvok: You mean Janeway.
Paris: Yes, Janeway is my God.
Tuvok: How many times do I have to tell you? Don't feed the J/Pers!

Seska: Gotcha.
Paris: Rats. I should have known that "Free Beer" sign was a trap.

Janeway: Maybe I can save them by rewriting Seska's script.
Torres: Geez, artistic integrity means nothing to you.

Seska: And now to kill you!
Tuvok: Here, use this slingshot.
Paris: You modified the slingshot to backfire on her?
Tuvok: Yep. It was my ace in the hole.

Janeway: So, will you two be writing any more holonovels?
Paris: Not on TV. But hey, that's what we have Julia Houston for.
Janeway: Who?
Paris: Sorry, inside joke.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

Colin 'Zeke' Hayman is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.