By Colin 'Zeke' Hayman
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 1:44 PM GMT

See Also: 'Projections' Episode Guide

Doc: What's going on?
Computer: The crew ran off and left you here.
Doc: Nuts. Guess I'd better delete myself.
Torres: Wait! The captain needs help.
Doc: You mean medical help? She could use a few other kinds.

Doc: Wow, this bridge is big.
Janeway: Thanks for saving me.
Neelix: Now save me!

Doc: Ain't gonna happen, scuzzbag.
Kazon: Ow! That hurt!
Doc: You're bleeding.
Neelix: No, you are.
Doc: Uh oh.

Doc: My tricorder says I'm people and you're not.
Janeway: Bad tricorder! Computer, deactivate all the holograms. AAAGHH!
Doc: Well, isn't that ironic?

Doc: That does it! Who am I?
Computer: Some Zimmerman guy.
Doc: Huh?
Barclay: I'm some Barclay guy! We've gotta get you out of here!

Barclay: You're a real person.
Doc: That's good.
Barclay: But you're dying.
Doc: That's bad.
Barclay: But you can save yourself.
Doc: That's good.
Barclay: But you have to blow up the ship.
Doc: That's bad.
Barclay: But it's all a simulation.
Doc: That's good because I get to delete Tom Paris.

Janeway: What are you doing here? You're under arrest!
Doc: Bite me. Bye!

Barclay: when you shot that panel, all the subholograms within the holographic Voyager got deleted.
Doc: My head hurts.
Chakotay: He's lying! It's actually an anomaly that fried your systems!
Doc: Now it really hurts.
Kes: Hi, honey. I'm your wife.
Doc: Now it hurts even more! Screw this, I'll just die.

Kes: Don't die, honey! I love you!
Doc: You're cute. Bye!

Kim: He's back!
Doc: Whoa! What's going on?
Tuvok: Nothing much. It's been a kinda boring day.

Doc: Sorry I called you cute.
Kes: What, don't you love me?
Kes: There goes our marriage.
Doc: Stop that! My head's hurting again!

Barclay: Save yourself!
Kazon: Don't save yourself!
Kes: Waaa!
Doc: Everybody shut up!

Janeway: Welcome back, Doc!
Doc: Am I back for real this time?
Janeway: Yep.
Doc: And I'm not married to Kes, right?
Janeway: Nope.
Doc: Damn.

Doc: So what was all that about, anyway?
Kes: Beats me.
Doc: Me too. Oh well.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed.)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

Colin 'Zeke' Hayman is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.