Workforce, Part OneBy Colin 'Zeke' Hayman
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 2:57 PM GMT
See Also: 'Workforce, Part One' Episode Guide
Cop: Halt, evildo--AAGH!
Chakotay: Ha! Chakotay 1, Cops 0!
Cop: You did get shot in the shoulder, you know.
Kim: How do we defeat these ships?
Doc: Here, I'll use a nifty torpedo trick.
Kim: Cool! But why have we never used such an obvious trick before?
Doc: Shhhhhh! Keep talking like that and you'll get silenced....
Janeway: Have you heard I'm moving in with Jaffen?
Chakotay: You shameless J/C-betraying hussy! Oh, mind if I borrow your old place?
Yerid: Hi, I'm a stereotypical investigator type. Have you seen Chakotay?
Paris: Not since Part I. Have you seen B'Elanna?
Yerid: She was kidnapped.
Paris: Aw, nuts! There goes my subplot.
Doc: I've figured out how to fix B'Elanna's memory.
Neelix: Can you leave out the part about my owing her thirty bucks?
Kadan: This Tuvok guy has been hallucinating. Mindwipe him.
Ravoc: Isn't that against the Hippocratic Oath?
Kadan: We're aliens, you idiot.
Ravoc: Oh yeah.
Seven: Whoa! Déjà vu. This better not be one of those time-loop episodes....
Janeway: Hey, you broke into the old apartment!
Chakotay: Nice Barenaked Ladies allusion.
Janeway: Thanks, I thought so.
Torres: So I was married to the guy from the bar?
Neelix: Actually, you were married to me.
Torres: Nice try.
Seven: Computer, give me personal information on the following people....
Computer: Oo, aren't we nosy today?
Chakotay: You've got to believe me!
Janeway: What, that I'm some kind of mighty starship captain? Yeah right.
Kim: (over the comm) Hi, Chakotay. Have you found Janeway the mighty starship captain yet?
Chakotay: Told ya. Now have a look at my real face.
Janeway: We're the same race!
Chakotay: We're more than that -- we're an item.
Janeway: Nice try.
Jaffen: And you actually believed that schmoe?
Janeway: His acting was so bad, he had to be Chakotay!
Chakotay: Who's th--AAGH!
Cop: Ha! Cops 1, Chakotay 0!
Chakotay: Isn't it 1 to 1?
Cop: Shoot him again.
Ravoc: I need this prisoner.
Yerid: But I'm trying to interrogate him!
Ravoc: Oh, go join an underground resistance or something.
Neelix: Oo, Tom's diary! Can I see? Pleeeeease?
Torres: Cut it out or I'll remember that thirty bucks you owe me.
Doc: I don't wanna be a doctor again!
Chakotay: (over the comm) Hi guys, I've been brainwashed. Would you mind walking into this ambush?
Kim: I see no problem with that.
Yerid: I need to know everything Chakotay told you.
Janeway: Okay. Apparently his people have a story about--
Yerid: NOOOO! Forget I asked!
Ravoc: Are you covering up a horrible conspiracy?
Ravoc: Okay, just checking.
Janeway: So here's the plan: you two bust into the hospital, and I raid the factory.
Seven: Sounds good. Yerid, come here for a sec....
Yerid: You don't have to injure me to get us into the hospital.
Kim: (over the comm) Hi, Captain! Could you please destroy the shield grid?
Janeway: Okay, but only because you asked so nicely.
Doc: We're doomed!
Kim: Not today! Eat flaming death, Quarren scum!
Doc: Nice maneuver, but I think the pressures of command are finally getting to you....
Doc's Log: I've singlehandedly saved the crew. Well, okay, Harry helped.
Ambassador: I'm shocked, shocked to hear about this conspiracy. Don't worry, it'll all be fixed.
Kim: Cool. Hey, what happened to that Ravoc guy?
Ambassador: You know, I have no idea. Must be a loose end.
Janeway: Farewell, Jarren. I'll never forget you.
Jaffen: My name's Jaffen.
Janeway: It is? Sorry.
Chakotay: About time you ditched that sucker. We all know who's the real man for you.
Janeway: Kashyk, you mean?
Chakotay: Oh, forget it.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)
Colin 'Zeke' Hayman is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.