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By Colin 'Zeke' Hayman
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 2:56 PM GMT

See Also: 'Repentance' Episode Guide

Janeway: Gentlemen, I do believe this is our 47th fiver.
Tuvok: Woo hoo! Par-tay!
Kim: Slow down, we still have an episode to get through. Shall we stumble across a moral dilemma?
Janeway: Yes, let's.

Yediq: Hello. My name ends with Q.
Tuvok: Weird.

Iko: Release me or I'll shoot this hot babe!
Seven: Riiiight. Excuse me while I elbow you.
Seven: Relax -- that was by far the least painful thing that'll happen to you this episode.
Iko: I feel so much better now.

Janeway: So what's the deal with those other guys?
Yediq: They're prisoners being delivered for...drumroll, please...CAPITAL PUNISHMENT!
Janeway: Ohhhh great. This is gonna be one of those sledgehammer morality episodes, isn't it? I gotta talk with my agent.

Yediq: Are these high-tech cells any good?
Tuvok: Not really, but don't tell the prisoners.

Doc: The death penalty sucks!
Seven: You know, after 47 fivers, is there anything left we haven't said that about?

Iko: Hey guard, your kids look like Howard Stern.
Guard: That's it, you're going down!
Iko: OW! OW! Police brutality, I say!

Yediq: Your security officer is a wimp!
Janeway: Give him a break -- he's really, really old.
Tuvok: Hey!
Janeway: Anyway, no more beatings on my ship. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm having an important discussion.
Ken Biller: Look, I told you there's nothing to discuss. You're a fictional character and your lines are not negotiable....
Janeway: Bite me!

Neelix: Hi. My name ends with X.
Joleg: You look pretty gullible. This is a promising development....

Iko: Guess what? I'm not evil anymore!
Seven: Hey, cool! I can see definite plot twist potential here.

Neelix: That poor prisoner is being horribly mistreated. I think we should help him.
Paris: You, sir, are an idiot.
Neelix: It's what I do.

Doc: Turns out Iko had a mental condition that kept him from experiencing any of the warm and fuzzy feelings.
Seven: So Iko's a psycho? Hey, that rhymes!

Joleg: If you want to help me, you can send this message to my brother.
Neelix: It says "Attack at dawn."
Joleg: Er...it's in code.

Seven: Look, Iko had no choice and he deserves a shot at appealing the penalty.
Iko: But I want to d--
Seven: Shh.
Yediq: But he says he wants to--
Seven: Shh!

Seven: Oh great, the appeal request was denied! I'm getting Borg angst again, Cap--
Janeway: Not now! I'm trying to go over Biller's head.
Brannon Braga: But I told you, I don't even work on the show anymore. Hey, it's Jeri! Hi, honey!
Seven: There goes the fourth wall....

Kim: Somebody's attacking us! But who?
Chakotay: I dunno, maybe the Spanish Inquisition. That would be unexpected.
Monty Python's Flying Circus: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
Paris: Going a little overboard with the cameos, aren't we?

Joleg: We're free! Now I can beat on the warden!
Yediq: Crud.
Iko: Never fear -- Iko's here!
Joleg: Crud.
Yediq: Wow, you saved my life!
Iko: Crud.
Yediq: Why'd you say that?
Iko: It was my turn.

Seven: Okay, nutboy -- make your appeal.
Iko: Hi, family of the guy I murdered. I'm not going to beg for my life -- aw, who am I kidding? Sure I am. Please spare me! Pleeeeasepleasepleaseplease.....

Neelix: You know, you're really a jerk.
Joleg: Duh.

Janeway: The family says no deal. Sorry, Seven.
Iko: Ahem!
Janeway: Oh yeah, sorry to you too. Tough break.
Seven: It's so barbaric...just like the movie Logan's Run.
Wolverine: You called?
Seven: Not you, stupid.

Seven: And thus ends another episode. Still, there are unanswered questions....
Janeway: I'll say. All right, you moron -- what was with all the dumb cameos this time around? I mean, Wolverine, for God's sake!
Zeke: I have a friend who's a big X-Men fan. Anyway, who are you to criticize the way I choose to celebrate Five-Minute Voyager's anniversary? You're just a character!
Janeway: Big deal! I have a right to choose my own destiny!
Zeke: I wrote that line.
Janeway: Sigh.
Zeke: That one too.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

Colin 'Zeke' Hayman is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.

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