PrototypeBy Marc Richard
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 1:49 PM GMT
See Also: 'Prototype' Episode Guide
Torres: Look what I found floating in space! A robot! Can I keep it?
Tuvok: I assume that you are not foolishly planning to reactivate this mechanism, Lieutenant?
Torres: Who, me?
Kim: We should give up, B'Elanna. This robot will never work again.
Torres: Maybe it's just resting.
Kim: No way. Here, watch this. (BONK, BONK, BONK) See what I mean? It's not responding to anything we do.
Torres: Hey, its arm just moved!
Kim: You're not fooling me...I saw you pick it up and drop it.
Torres: No you didn't.
Torres: Neelix, could I have a third pot of coffee?
Neelix: Sorry, but that would exceed your allowed daily quota.
Torres: What quota? I've seen the Captain drink that much coffee in ten minutes.
Neelix: Why do you think I need to ration it for everyone else?
Torres: I need advice on how to fix an inert, stone-faced automaton -- so I thought of asking you.
Doctor: How flattering.
Torres: Captain, it's working! We've repaired it!
APU 3947: Thank you for calling up my activation sequence. This is Pralor Automated Personnel Unit 3947 speaking...how may I help you? Whatever your problem is, I am here to help you solve it.
Torres: Let go of my arm, will you?
APU 3947: Glad to be of service.
Janeway: It seems friendly enough. I guess Tuvok's security concerns were unwarranted.
APU 3947: Have a nice day.
Torres: The Pralor robots want to reproduce but their builders are all dead. They need me to design a prototype unit for them.
Janeway: No. That would be presumptuous interference in their society.
Torres: Captain, please! This may be the closest I ever come to having a child of my own.
Janeway: Sorry, but the Prime Directive makes no allowance for your nonexistent sex life.
APU 6263: (over the viewscreen) Thank you for calling our Pralor spacecraft. This transmission may be monitored to ensure customer satisfaction and quality of service.
Janeway: Hello to you too. We've found one of your personnel units floating in space. It was broken and we'd like to return it to you.
APU 6263: We will cheerfully refund your purchase price or replace the damaged merchandise with a product of equal or superior value.
Janeway: That won't be necessary. We'll just beam him over to your ship.
APU 6263: Have a nice day.
Torres: Goodbye, 3947. I packed some nice, yummy plasma for you to take along on the trip, dear. Be a good boy, now, and remember to stay out of the rain so that you don't rust and -- AARRRRGGHH!
Kim: Captain, the robot's just zapped everyone in Transporter Room Two.
Chakotay: According to these readings, he's setting up an unauthorized transport. He's preparing to beam himself and B'Elanna over to the Pralor ship without permission. Should we do anything about it, Captain? I recommend we try to override the transporter controls from here on the Bridge.
Janeway: Good idea. Mr. Kim, lock out the robot.
Kim: Sorry, Captain, they're already gone. He was too fast for me.
Kim: Hailing frequencies open, Ma'am.
Janeway: This is Captain Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager. Release our Chief Engineer at once or I'll open fire on your ship!
APU 6263: (over the comm) Thank you for calling our information number. All our agents are presently busy. Your call is important to us. Please hold the line to maintain your calling priority.
Kim: Captain, I think they're stalling.
Janeway: I kinda figured that part out for myself, Harry. Now will you please shut off that damn music?
APU 3947: Welcome aboard our vessel, Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres.
APU 6263: Please build us a prototype unit or we will kill you and destroy your ship.
Torres: Real subtle, guys. All right...I'll build your stupid prototype. Now stop firing at Voyager, dammit!
APU 3947: Thank you for graciously sparing us a moment of your valuable time.
Janeway: Voyager would never survive another battle with the Pralor ship. Have you got any old Maquis tricks up your sleeve that would let us rescue B'Elanna?
Chakotay: Well, we could wait until some enemies of the robots show up, then use a shuttle to sneak inside the Pralor shields while they're fighting and beam her out.
Janeway: Is that really an old Maquis trick? It sounds pretty risky to me.
Chakotay: Nah, it'll be a piece of cake. I volunteer Tom for the job.
Torres: There -- that should do it. Let's turn it on and see what happens.
Prototype 0001: Mama. Dada. Mama. Dada.
Torres: We did it! It works!
Torres: What the hell was that?
APU 3947: For your safety and comfort, please remain seated with your seatbelt fastened for the duration of the present battle against a Cravic vessel. In the event of a hull breach, oxygen masks will automatically deploy from....
Torres: I get the picture, Sunshine.
Tuvok: Captain, the two robot ships are fighting each other.
Janeway: It's the diversion we were hoping for! Tom, get into a shuttle and go rescue B'Elanna. Chakotay, take the helm.
Kim: Angels and ministers of grace defend us.
Tuvok: Hamlet -- Act one, Scene four.
Chakotay: I heard that.
Torres: You're all war robots? And you exterminated your own builders?
APU 3947: We regret the inconvenience, but this was done in order to serve them better. They tried to make peace. We would have been derelict in our duties if we had stopped fighting. And now you have given us the means to finally defeat the Cravic robots. Thank you.
Torres: Boy, do I feel like a dope. Sabotage time!
Prototype 0001: GAK!
Torres: I really messed things up, didn't I, Captain?
Janeway: Nonsense. You did what you thought was right. Now cheer up and have a nice day.
(Voyager sails away at Ludicrous Speed)
Marc Richard is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.