By Species 5236
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 2:24 PM GMT

See Also: 'Night' Episode Guide

Chaotica: And that is why I shall rule the world! BWAHAHAHA!
Chaotica: Stop screaming! If you don't speak, we won't have to pay you.

Paris: Captain Proton to the rescue!
Paris: That's right, I'm Spaceman First Class, protector of Earth, and scourge of intergalactic overacting!

Doc: Mr. Paris, I insist that you cease this useless program so I can waste power practicing opera.
Paris: Er...robot, attack!

Chakotay: Holodeck two, we're detecting high levels of ego particles in your vicinity. Who's in there?
Kim: Uh...Paris and Doc are here.
Chakotay: That explains it, then.

Chakotay: I order you to give me good news.
Seven: Then I suppose I must disobey.
Chakotay: I've had enough of your insubordination. Get to the brig.

Torres: You know, Captain Janeway's been acting weird lately.
Chakotay: Shut up.
Torres: It's true. She's been all aloof and stuff.
Chakotay: Shut up.
Torres: So are you....
Chakotay: Okay, what part of "shut up" don't you understand?

Paris: You're stupid.
Torres: No, you're stupid.
Neelix: I think I can resolve this. You're both stupid.

Seven: What are you doing in my Astrometrics lab? This is a designated no-fun zone.
Tuvok: My apologies. I use the stars to meditate and the only 'star' visible in my quarters is a starchart.
Seven: You do realize that joke makes no sense whatsoever.
Tuvok: If you were a Vulcan, you'd be cracking up right now.

Chakotay: Today's report: space, space, space, theta radiation, and space.
Janeway: Theta radiation? Investigate it. And go away.
Chakotay: What's wrong with you, Kathryn?
Janeway: There's only so many times you can watch "Brian's Song" without breaking down. Oh, and I think I made a mistake four years ago.
Chakotay: Only one?
Janeway: Get out.

Kim's Clarinet: Doop-de-doop! Doo-doop-de-doo!
Kim: Cel-a-brate good times, come on!
Tuvok: What are you doing, ensign?
Kim: Uh...Tuvok! Nothing, just being depressed, as usual.
Tuvok: Very well. Carry on.

Seven: If I'm to play your game, can I at least wear an incredibly skimpy outfit?
Paris: No, it would cause heart attacks in our target demographic.

Kim's Clarinet: {funeral march}
Tuvok: If only the lights were off, the mood would be perfect.
Kim: Stop foreshadowing.

Paris: I need something to open this hatch...hey, what's that!
Seven: What?
Paris: That living creature over there.
Seven: (zap) There is no living creature over there.

Neelix: Ah! A monster! Killitkillitkillit!
Janeway: (zap)
Chakotay: Thanks. Neelix was starting to get on my nerves.

Torres: We'll have to reroute the technobabble manifolds to restore power.
Janeway: Did you try using the batteries?
Torres: I knew I was forgetting something.

Tuvok: Captain, alien ships are attacking. Permission to return fire?
Janeway: No, wait until the shields are down to 47%.

Chakotay: The aliens have ceased their attacks, and the intruders beamed off the ship.
Janeway: Good. Now, nothing else will possibly go wrong. I'm going to resume brooding.

Kim: We're being hailed by a friendly ship.
Tuvok: Haven't you learned that there is no such thing as a friendly ship in the Delta Quadrant?

Janeway: You know, you didn't have to save us. I could have done it myself.
Emck: Sure, sure. Wanna hitch a ride with me through a vortex to the other side of the expanse?
Janeway: Ehh...I don't think so. I'm not finished brooding.

Doc: This is the little guy we found in the holodeck. Isn't he a cutie?
Janeway: What's his condition?
Doc: Oh, just a phaser burn, a couple of bumps, a bruise or two. I give him 10 hours to live.

Alien: They're killing us by dumping radiation into our void!
Janeway: Have you contacted the Malon leadership?
Alien: Yeah, but their Congress is the hands of the trash export lobbyists.

Chakotay: Hey! Ear-boy! Get your butt over here, dumb head, I need your help.
Tuvok: Why should I help you?
Chakotay: Because I've always treated you with respect.
Tuvok: I see.

Janeway: Listen, Greenpeace unloaded this environmentally-friendly junk on us months ago. We'd be more than happy to give it to if you stop polluting this space.
Emck: Outrageous! Absolutely not! I'll beam aboard in five minutes.

Chakotay: We have to destroy the vortex to the void to save the alien critters.
Janeway: No. Remember what Spock said: "The needs of this crew outweigh the needs of anyone else."
Chakotay: Spock never said that.
Janeway: Never mind. I'm not going to make the crew suffer to save some measly aliens.
Chakotay: Cool by me -- let the buggers die.
Janeway: No, I'm going to stay and blow up the vortex, idiot. Seriously, I don't know why I let you live. Will you captain the ship?

Janeway: And so your orders are to abandon me in a dangerous area of space while you run like the wind. Set a course, Tom.
Tuvok: To cut a really long fiver short, the whole crew is committing mutiny.
Janeway: And I love them all for it. Group hug!

Kim: We have exited the void!
Chakotay: My God, it's full of stars!
Janeway: Mr. Paris, warp factor...really, really fast. And try not to hit that monolith on your way out.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

Species 5236 is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.