By Kira
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 1:41 PM GMT

See Also: 'Faces' Episode Guide

Sulan: Guess what I did to you.
Klingon Torres: I don't know, but I have this growing urge to kill something....

Kim: There's no sign of Tom and B'Elanna on the planet.
Janeway: What about Lieutenant Durst?
Kim: You sent him on an away mission with two regular characters and you expect him to come back?
Janeway: No, but I thought I should at least pretend to care.

Sulan: Hey B'Elanna, I'm reading this "Klingon Romance for Dummies" book so I can score with you.
Klingon Torres: Let me out of here, you filthy p'taK!
Sulan: Let's see...(flip flip flip)...ah! You're flirting with me! Excellent.

Durst: Gee, Paris, I sure will be glad when we get out of this Vidiian prison and back to Voyager. Both of us. Alive. With all our organs and features still in place.
Paris: Your pathetic hints won't save you from a pointless death.
Durst: Rats.

Klingon Torres: I hate you! You made me Klingon!
Sulan: Your physiology is incredible.
Klingon Torres: Yeah! Klingons rock!
Sulan: But you just said....
Klingon Torres: Give me a break. I've got some major angst here.

Paris: Say, B'Elanna, there's something different about you....
Human Torres: I'm not part Klingon anymore.
Paris: No, that's not it...I know! You're not a bit--
Human Torres: Watch your mouth, Flyboy. We both know I'll be back to normal by the end of the episode.
Paris: (gulp)

Chakotay: Captain, we seem to be lost. The caves must be magically changing shape.
Janeway: (over the comm) As if. Tuvok, I thought I told you not to let Chakotay lead.
Tuvok: Uh...well....
Kim: Eeeeek! Vidiians!
Tuvok: Phew!

Klingon Torres: Sulan, honey, let me out of these restraints and we can go get better acquainted, if you know what I mean.
Sulan: Deal! Wait a minute...(flip flip flip)...hey! You're trying to trick me!
Klingon Torres: Duh, moron. Not even a mother could love that face.
Sulan: Face, eh? Hmm....

Vidiian: One of you has to come with us.
Durst: Take Paris, he's better looking and not bald.
Paris: Take Durst, he's...um...hey, Durst, I bet if you go with them they'll give you a cookie.
Durst: Sweet! Count me in!
Paris: Works every time.

Sulan: Look, B'Elanna, I got a facelift!
Klingon Torres: Yeah, but you're bald.
Sulan: But...but...aw, crap. I knew I should have taken Paris' face. Wait here, I'll go find a toupée.
Klingon Torres: I've got a better idea. Hold still.
Sulan: Woo hoo! I'm going to sco -- GAK!

Kim: As usual, I've come up with a technobabble solution to rescue the away team. Yay me!
Janeway: Whatever. I'll need a volunteer.
Tuvok: I nominate Chakotay.
Kim: I second that.
Chakotay: She said a volunteer, not...oh, never mind.

Janeway: Whoa! Chakotay, is that your face or do you have Dutch Elm disease?
Chakotay: Hey!
Doc: I haven't made him look like a Vidiian yet.
Janeway: Oh. Carry on, then.

Klingon Torres: Fighting is good, you human weenie.
Human Torres: Fighting is bad, you stupid brute.

Paris: What do you want, you disgusting, ugly piece of trash?
Chakotay: Tom, it's me in disguise.
Paris: I know. I saw you get lost trying to find your way in here.

Paris: Whoa! Two B'Elannas for the price of one! P/T/T...Now that's what I call a 'ship!
Human Torres: Dream on, you pervert.
Paris: Thanks, I will. And how!
Human Torres: You realize he's going to make our lives miserable with his sleazy innuendoes and propositions.
Klingon Torres: 'Sokay, I'll put an end to it with a heroic death. GAK!

Chakotay: So, B'Elanna, now that you've come to terms with your mixed heritage I guess you're not going to have any more angst.
Human Torres: Nope. Well...maybe once a season.
(B'Elanna is returned to normal at Ludicrous Speed)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

Kira is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.