By Colin 'Zeke' Hayman
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 2:03 PM GMT

See Also: 'Coda' Episode Guide

Neelix: Talent Night was fun! Well, except Tuvok's poetry.
Janeway: Don't worry, I've revoked his poetic license.

Chakotay: Aaaaaah! Our shuttle's crashing!
Janeway: Hey, did you just put a notch in your belt?
Chakotay: You didn't see that.

Janeway: Cool. I survived the crash.
Vidiian: Don't count your chickens, human.
Janeway: What, did Harry beam down? GAK!


Chakotay: Yay, we're back in the shuttle!
Janeway: Crap, you're still at the helm.


Chakotay: The shuttle again! It seems to be our respawn point.
Janeway: Hey, we've discussed these Quake jokes on the job.
Chakotay: Sorry.

Tuvok: Time loop? What time loop?
Janeway: The one I was just trapped in.
Tuvok: Look, just go die again. I'm trying to finish my poem. Let's see..."There once was a Vedek named Teero, whose reasoning power was zero...."

Doc: The bad news is, you've got the Phage.
Janeway: What's the good news?
Doc: I get to kill you for once. Score!
Janeway: Eep.


Janeway: We're back in the shuttle.
Chakotay: Oh great! I was about to be Captain, and now it's all ruined.
Janeway: You can't wait three scenes?

Chakotay: ARRRGH! Quit dying, Captain!
Janeway: I'm over here.
Chakotay: No, you're the fake one. I don't know you're there. Now will the real Kathryn Janeway please stand up?
Janeway: We're gonna have a problem.

Doc: Sorry, Tattoo Boy, she's a corpsesicle.
Janeway: But I'm right here!
Doc: Oh, and pay no attention to that woman behind the curtain.

Janeway: It's Kes! Maybe she can help....
Kes: Hmm. I'm sensing something, but I'm not sure what.
Janeway: Nooo! She's channelling Troi!

Chakotay: Okay guys, Kes thinks Janeway's alive, so let's make several failed attempts to find her.
Janeway: I'm right h--
Chakotay: Will somebody shut her up already?

Kim: ....and if we set the whachamawhoosis on a rotating band modulationism....
Janeway: Attaboy! As long as there's technobabble, there's hope.
Admiral Janeway: Sorry -- you're quite, quite dead.
Janeway: Lorien? No, wait. Why do you look like my father?
Admiral: Luke...I am your father.
Janeway: Shhhh! I don't want anyone knowing my middle name.
Admiral: I have come to tell you that you are dead.
Janeway: I have come to tell you "Bite me."
Admiral: Seriously, you are.
Janeway: I'd object again, but this scene is getting long.

Kes: Rats! Telepathy isn't helping.
Tuvok: Does it ever? Let's just skip ahead to the funeral.

Torres: Janeway was okay, but I didn't like her much.
Kim: I want my mommy! WAAAAAAAA!
Janeway: Such beautiful eulogies....

Admiral: So, ready to die yet? Huh? Huh?
Janeway: But I want to find out future stuff. Like what happens to Kes.
Admiral: No you don't.
Janeway: Yes I--
Admiral: Believe me, you don't.


Janeway: Hey, I'm back on the planet! And they're trying to save my life! I'm not dead at all, am I?
Admiral: Yes.
Janeway: And you're not my father or Lorien or Darth Vader!
Admiral: Um...would you believe Madonna?

Admiral: Okay, last chance to get zapped into my soul-sucking Matrix of death.
Janeway: I don't compromise with Borg.
Admiral: Huh?
Janeway: Oh, sorry...wrong catch phrase. It's time to take out the trash! No, wait....
Admiral: "Go back to hell, coward."
Janeway: Same to you!

Doc: You're alive!
Janeway: Whee! That was fun. Can we do it again?

Janeway: Thanks for giving me mouth-to-mouth earlier.
Chakotay: No prob, but that didn't actually happen, so I suggest we do so now. Extensively.
Janeway: Best you're getting is a holodeck date, chump.
Chakotay: I'll take it.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

Colin 'Zeke' Hayman is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.