By Kira
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 1:49 PM GMT

See Also: 'Alliances' Episode Guide

Chakotay: Captain, we're getting the stuffing kicked out of us. Shouldn't we do something?
Janeway: Meh.
Kurt Bendera: GAK!
Janeway: Well, when you put it that way....

Torres: The ship's in really bad shape. We'll be lucky to get it running again.
Janeway: That would be terrible if I actually believed you. You'll have everything fixed in about fifteen minutes, right?
Torres: More like ten...but did you have to ruin the desperate atmosphere?

Chakotay: We're following Starfleet rules and getting whipped big time. We should do things the Maquis way.
Janeway: Will the ship get pounded repeatedly?
Chakotay: No, probably not.
Janeway: Then no.

Chakotay: Alas, poor Kurt. We knew him well.
Paris: Actually, we never saw him before today.
Chakotay: Oh. Well, I'm sure he was an okay guy. Too bad he wore yellow.

Hogan: Captain, have you considered that Starfleet sucks? We should give cool toys to the Kazon.
Janeway: No. And you're both fired.
Hogan: Hey -- that's not fair! You suck!
Janeway: Oh, that's it. You two are so getting killed off.
Jonas: And I am so defecting. Oops -- did I say that out loud?

Chakotay: I think we should make a deal with the Kazon.
Janeway: Nah. I want to test out the self-destruct button a few times first.

Janeway: No way I'm making an alliance with the Kazon.
Tuvok: The episode title is "Alliances."
Janeway: Oh. In that case, yes.

Janeway: We're making an alliance with the Kazon.
Kim: But Captain --
Janeway: Harry, are you sure you want to waste your one line objecting when I've already decided?
Janeway: I didn't think so.

Janeway: Guess what, Chakotay? Since you disagreed with me, I invited Seska.
Chakotay: Grrr.
Seska: Ha! Seska 1, Chakotay 0!
Culluh: Ahem.
Seska: Oops. I mean, Maj Culluh 1, Chakotay 0.
Culluh: That's better.

Mabus: Hey -- are you from that ship that'll believe anyone's sob story?
Neelix: Why, yes I am.
Mabus: In that case, I have a sob story for you.

Janeway: All right, Culluh. You don't like me and I don't like you.
Culluh: I like you.
Janeway: Really? Maybe this will work out after all.
Culluh: Hey, Seska, you were right! She fell for it!
Seska and Culluh: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
Janeway: Boy, your alliance idea sure was brilliant, eh, Chakotay? You're fired.

Neelix: Captain, I'd like you to meet Mabus. He has a really good sob story.
Mabus: Mwahahahahaha! I mean, I want to make peace with the Kazon.
Janeway: Awww. I like you much better than Culluh.
Paris: If they enslaved the Kazon, isn't it possible they're bad guys?
Janeway: Quiet, you! You're fired.

Neelix: Somebody's trying to sabotage the conference.
Mabus: That's right, suckers! Mwahahahaha!
Neelix: Did you say something?
Mabus: No, not me.
Janeway: Well, we'll just have to be careful. And if anything happens, Neelix, you're fired.

Janeway: And so, now to begin the peace talks --
Mabus: Captain, perhaps this would be a good time for a break, if you know what I mean? (Wink, wink)
Janeway: Huh?
Mabus: I think we should leave the Kazon alone near this large window. (Wink, wink).
Janeway: Say what?
Tuvok: Oh, for crying out loud. He's going to assassinate them.
Janeway: Oh. I knew that. You're fired. You too, Neelix. And Mabus, I can't fire you, but you suck.

Janeway: Let's get out of here...hey, why are you driving?
Torres: You fired everyone else. Except Harry.
Kim: Hey, yeah! I never got my one line!
Janeway: Shut up, Harry. That was your one line. And you're fired.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

Kira is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.