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June 25 2024


An archive of Star Trek News


By Kristina Runyeon-Odeberg
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 9:32 PM GMT

See Also: 'Miri' Episode Guide

Helmsman: There is an automated distress signal coming from a planet nearby.
Spock: Analyses show it to be the Third Rock from the Sun.
Uhura: Where on Earth could we be?
Kirk: Hey-- another Earth, where the women haven't heard of me! Yes!

Kirk: We must assemble an away team. Spock, who do you reckon should go?
Spock: Analyses indicate bringing a few redshirts, the doctor and myself.
Kirk: Fine. Yeoman Rand, report to my ready room for a special debriefing.
Rand: Right, snookum-- er, Captain.

Kirk: What is it, Bones?
McCoy: I'm a doctor, not a mechanic, but this looks like a tricycle to me.
Frantic Being: Mine! MINE!
Kirk: What is it, Bones?
McCoy: I'm a doctor, not a-- oh, that? That's a seizure. He's dead, Jim.

Miri: Don't hurt me.
Kirk: Hurt you? Hey, that's not what's on my mind....
Miri: I remember what you old grups did.
Kirk: Old grumps? Surely a pretty girl like you isn't afraid of Dr McCoy here.
(McCoy glares at Kirk)

Kirk: What's your name?
Miri: Miri.
Kirk: Pretty name... for a pretty girl.
Miri: What's your name?
Kirk: Jim.
McCoy: Sissy name... for a sissy.
Kirk: What's that?
McCoy: Nothing.

Captain's Log: As always, all except Spock are coming out in a plague. And as always, we haven't a clue what it is. However, with Miri's help, we have found the medical lab.

Kirk: You're not sick, Spock. Why?
Spock: Apparently, being green-blooded has its advantages.
McCoy: You can keep your pointy ears any day.
Spock: Lack of bad temper is but one advantage.
McCoy: But the amount of talk more than makes up for it.

McCoy: Evidently, the plague strikes adolescents.
Spock: It's due to glandular changes in puberty, no doubt.
McCoy: Sort of like Pon Farr?
(Spock raises an eyebrow)

Rand: Why is Miri with us?
McCoy: She likes the Captain-- (mutters) Lord knows why.
Kirk: Miri has the hots for me? Heavy.
McCoy: Yes, you are.
Kirk: I heard that, you old geezer.

McCoy: If we were children, we would have an eternity to cure the disease.
Kirk: How so?
McCoy: These young ones could be 300 years old. The non-aging experiment worked on them.
Kirk: But they don't look their age, unlike you.
(McCoy glares at Kirk)

Spock: Enterprise, prepare to receive data.
Uhura: (over the comm) Data acknowledged. The answer is 42.
McCoy: Good. Now if we could only figure out the question... 47 minus 5?

Jahn: They're here, there and everywhere with their chatterboxes.
Adolescent: DIE! DIEDIEDIE--
Kirk: Not while I have a phaser in my hand.
Adolescent: GAK!

Spock: Miri has about six weeks to live. And I as a carrier can't return to the ship.
Kirk: What are the signs of illness?
McCoy: Blurred vision, slurred speech... but I'd personally prefer some of Scotty's brew for those effects.

Rand: Captain, look at my horrible legs.
Kirk: I'd rather not, but I wouldn't mind a gratuitous hug.

Kirk: Miri, where's Yeoman Rand?
Miri: Maybe Jahn took her away. I don't care.
Kirk: You're becoming a woman. Look at that spot. Soon you'll start to sag.
Miri: NOOOO!

Miri: Here are my friends. Tell'em we could die. Tell'em, Jim.
Jahn: Tell'em, Jim.
Children: Tell'em, Jim!
Child: I say he should get bonked! Bonk Bonk! Bonk Bonk!
Kirk: Not while you've got Yeoman Rand. Just listen....

McCoy: I have an antidote, I think.
Spock: You cannot dispense it. I am the senior officer, and I decide.
McCoy: How long do you suggest we wait?
Spock: Until the Captain comes back, or until you die; whichever comes
McCoy: Anything to escape your talk. *pssft*

Redshirt: Are we dead?
Spock: Negative.
Redshirt: Good. Is the doctor dead?
Spock: Also negative.
Redshirt: Is there something wrong with this episode? I have this gut feeling I shouldn't be alive.

Kirk: Well, we made it. But look at my shirt -- it's all torn.
McCoy: I'm a doctor, not a seamstress.
Kirk: This from someone who's been dying to test the retro-needles on Spock.

Rand: Will the children be all right?
Kirk: I'm sure of it. McCoy cured them, and there are supervisors coming from a deep space station.
Rand: But what about you and Miri, Captain?
Kirk: You know I don't go for older women.
Spock: Captain, I have yet to see that stop you from going where no man has gone before.
(Kirk chases Spock around the Enterprise bridge at Ludicrous Speed)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

Kristina Runyeon-Odeberg is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.

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