All Our YesterdaysBy Marc Richard
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 10:03 PM GMT
See Also: 'All Our Yesterdays' Episode Guide
Spock: This planet's star will explode in approximately three and a half hours.
Kirk: All right -- then we'll stay on the planet for precisely three and a half hours.
McCoy: Jim, can I explain something about the word "approximately"?
Atoz: Welcome to the library.
Atoz: Reference service is available at the desk.
Atoz: What are you dawdling idiots still doing here?
Kirk: (aside to McCoy) I liked the first two ones better.
Kirk: Are you the real librarian?
Atoz: Yes, Mr. A-to-Z. Atoz for short.
Spock: And where did the planet's three billion people go?
Atoz: I sent them all to safety, one by one, in a race against time.
Atoz: In alphabetical order, of course.
McCoy: I bet that all your zekes and Zeldas were thrilled with that policy.
Spock: Just what are we expected to do?
Atoz: Choose a verisim disk, get prepared with the Atavachron, then traverse the portal. Clear?
Spock: Except for a few trivial details, yes.
Woman's Voice: Eeeeek!
Kirk: Hey, what's going on in there?
Atoz: Wait! You're not prepared!
McCoy: Jim! Spock, let's go after him!
Atoz: I said wait!
Atoz: Hmph! "Trivial details" indeed....
McCoy: Where the heck are we?
Spock: This icy wasteland resembles Rura Penthe.
McCoy: Never heard of it.
Spock: Count yourself fortunate.
Kirk: Where the heck am I? Not in twentieth-century New York City again, I hope!
Fop: Zounds! Musketeers, apprehend yonder uncouth ruffian!
Kirk: Okay, definitely not New York.
Spock: Look -- a hunter dressed in heavy furs.
McCoy: Let's ask him for help!
McCoy: That's a woman? How can you tell?
Spock Because I feel the stirring of my Vulcan blood.
Zarabeth: Here we are in my nice warm cave. (removes her fur coat)
McCoy: Do you, uh, design your own leather undergarments, ma'am?
Zarabeth: You mean this little number? I call it "Zarabeth's Secret."
Kirk: Mr. Atoz's Atavachron didn't prepare me before I came here.
Prosecutor: Oh no! Then you must get back to the library immediately!
Kirk: Gladly -- but why the rush?
Prosecutor: Think "substantial fines imposed for late returns."
Zarabeth: I made you a vegetarian salad, Spock.
Spock: (pointing to Zarabeth's plate) What is that?
Zarabeth: Chicken Marsala. It's, uh, meat, you know.
Spock: I will take three servings of it.
McCoy: I didn't know you ate chicken, Spock.
Spock: Normally not, but in the absence of steak tartare it will have to do.
Spock: I wish to remain with Zarabeth forever.
McCoy: Well I don't intend to spend the rest of my life here!
Spock: That situation can be easily remedied.
Spock: Through Vulcan ritual combat. Zarabeth, please hand me those two large axes.
Atoz: Good...you're back. Now let me prepare you and return you to the past.
Kirk: I'm not stepping through that time portal again!
Atoz: But you must! I get paid on commission!
McCoy: Spock, you're reverting to your barbaric Vulcan ancestors of five thousand years ago!
Spock: That is a preposterous theory, Doctor. Oog.
Kirk: Spock, Bones -- you made it back! Now let's get out of here!
Atoz: My sentiments exactly! I'm history! (FZONK!)
McCoy: Spock, I'm very sorry about Zarabeth. Are you back to your usual logical self?
Spock: Of course. After all, she has been dead and buried for five thousand years.
McCoy: That's what you call logic? Buried by whom?
Spock: Uh...good question.
(The Enterprise hightails away from the exploding star at Ludicrous Speed)
Marc Richard is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.