TimescapeBy Marc Richard
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 7:28 PM GMT
See Also: 'Timescape' Episode Guide
Worf: A Romulan ship is claiming to be in distress.
Riker: Let's go help it.
Riker: Because it can't be more dangerous than trying to feed Data's cat.
La Forge: Was Professor Vassbinder's lecture interesting?
Picard: No, tedious. He kept rattling off endless lists of synonyms and definitions.
Troi: It's a good thing you're used to that by now.
Data: "Used to?" Ah! As in "accustomed...inured...desensitized...mmm-mmm-mphh!"
Picard: Thank you, Mr. La Forge.
La Forge: No handyman should ever be without duct tape.
Troi: (finishing a joke) "...but the Ferengi in the gorilla suit has to go!"
(Picard, Data and La Forge remain completely motionless)
Troi: Uh, guys...do I need to explain the punchline or what?
La Forge: This tricorder says you're not aging as fast as you should be.
Troi: When I go to Mr. Mot's beauty parlour, I expect to get my money's worth!
Data: We have used up forty-seven days' worth of fuel in ten seconds.
Troi: Is it normal for runabouts to guzzle that much gas?
La Forge: No. There must be a temporal anomaly affecting us.
Picard: Oh, good Lord, I hope I don't get turned into a kid again....
Picard: AARRRRGGHH! My hand!
Troi: I can recommend a good manicurist for that, sir.
Picard: There's the Enterprise! It looks frozen in time.
La Forge: Just like the Warbird it's connected to by that strange energy beam.
Data: And the disruptor bolts being fired at it by the Romulan ship.
Troi: All right, you've convinced me: this is a weird situation.
Picard: How can we stay unfrozen if we beam over there?
Troi: What about putting on some really warm sweaters?
La Forge: A subspace forcefield might work better.
Picard: Ha-ha-ha! Look: Mr. Warp Core Breach!
Data: Perhaps I should try that with a tricorder someday.
Picard: We must send an engineering expert to the Romulan ship.
La Forge: On my way, sir.
Picard: I was referring to Counselor Troi.
La Forge: There's something alive inside this engine core.
Troi: Yes, the Romulans use gerbils on treadmills as a power source.
La Forge: Clever but dangerous.
Data: Agreed. Starfleet's hamster-based design is much more reliable.
Picard: Hmm. Not nearly as spectacular as the last time she blew up.
(The Enterprise reassembles itself)
Picard: Okay, I take back that remark.
.taht ees nac I:egroF aL
!sdrawkcab gninnur si emiT:iorT
Data: This alien is from another temporal continuum.
Picard: How can you tell?
Data: From the funny way he gurgles when he talks.
Picard: Let's try to rewind events to a point prior to the core breach.
Data: A metaphor referring to an ancient device called a VCR.
Troi: Fine, but what does this gadget have to do with us?
....niaga og ew ereH:ataD
Troi: You were firing at Dr. Crusher!
Romulan: Yes, but it was nothing personal.
Picard: We must ram the runabout into the transfer beam!
Riker: Will that solve any of our problems?
Picard: All of them.
Data: My perception of time is binary and invariable.
Riker: In what sense?
Data: To me, it always seems time for Spot to either eat or sleep or eat or sleep or....
(The Enterprise sails away at Ludicrous Speed)
Marc Richard is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.