The PegasusBy Marc Richard
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 7:31 PM GMT
See Also: 'The Pegasus' Episode Guide
Troi: I love these pictures the kids drew for Captain Picard Day.
Picard: Well, I hate judging this contest. It feels like a Maoist personality cult!
Troi: Nonsense. Now please decide which fifty-foot-tall poster of you should win first prize.
Admiral Blackwell: (over the comm) I'm sending an Admiral to command you on a secret mission.
Picard: What ship is he arriving on?
Blackwell: The Crazy Horse.
Picard: Sounds promising already.
Picard: What's our mission?
Admiral Pressman: To find the long-lost starship Pegasus before the Romulans do and salvage her at any cost!
Pressman: Uh...for no particular reason.
Picard: How nice to run into you Romulans here.
Commander Sirol: (over the comm) How delightful to see you too.
Picard: To what do we owe your gladsome presence?
Sirol: We're doing perfectly innocent research on gaseous anomalies.
Picard: Is that anything like hot air?
Sirol: Yes, and we're detecting lots of it.
Pressman: Our orders are to secretly break the law for the good of the Federation
Riker: What? Are you working for some covert branch of Starfleet Intelligence?
Pressman: Shhh! No one's supposed to know that it exists yet!
Picard: As Riker's C/O, I like the fact that he's willing to stand up to me.
Pressman: As Riker's former C/O, I liked the fact that he used to draw fifty-foot-tall posters of me.
Crusher: How did you get this symbolic injury?
Riker: I made an allegorical error in judgment while exercising with Worf. Can you patch me up?
Crusher: Not until you've suffered a bit more metaphorical anguish.
Pressman: Twelve years ago you supported me without question.
Riker: I was young and stupid in those days.
Pressman: It's too bad that you've changed.
Picard: Why did you defend Pressman when the Pegasus senior officers mutinied against him?
Riker: If you'd seen so many promotion vacancies open up, what would you have done?
Picard: What kind of cloak-and-dagger conspiracy is Pressman involved in?
Riker: All I can say is that daggers have nothing to do with it, sir.
Picard: And just what is that supposed to mean?
Data: The Pegasus is buried three kilometers inside that asteroid.
Picard: Then we won't be able to salvage it.
Pressman: Yes we will. (holds up a shovel) I came prepared.
Riker: The secret cloaking device is intact, sir.
Pressman: Yippee! Now we can resume our illegal experiments and kill more people!
Riker: How many people does it take, Admiral, before it becomes wrong?
Pressman: Don't you start planning an insurrection against me, mister!
Riker: This one-of-a-kind phasing cloak allows ships to travel through solid matter!
La Forge: It sounds just like the one we caught the Romulans testing two years ago.
Riker: No, theirs was called an "interphase generator."
La Forge: Oh. I forgot that.
Picard: A Starfleet officer's first duty is to the truth!
Pressman: Save your moralistic sermons for Academy cadets!
Picard: Very well. (rips off Pressman's pips) Now, as I was saying....
Picard: I've decided to release you from custody.
Riker: Thank you, sir.
Picard: But in exchange, I want to go on more Away Team missions.
Riker: It's a deal.
(The Enterprise sails away at Ludicrous Speed)
Marc Richard is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.