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May 26 2024


An archive of Star Trek News

The Naked Now

By Marc Richard
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 5:05 PM GMT

See Also: 'The Naked Now' Episode Guide

Tsiolkovsky Crewman: (over the comm) Yippee! Company's coming! Let's tidy up the place!
Tsiolkovsky Crewman: Gasp!
Riker: Boy, when they vacuum the carpets on that ship, they don't fool around.

Yar: (over the comm) The Tsiolkovsky engineers have all been turned into ice cubes.
La Forge: These crewmen too. Can you imagine how it feels to be frozen like that?
Yar: All too well.

Crusher: You've been acting strangely since you came back aboard.
La Forge: What makes you say that, Mommy?
Crusher: Just a hunch, but I'm still confining you to Sickbay.
La Forge: Really? Oooh, look behind you!
Crusher: (turning around) Huh? At what?
La Forge: (running out the door) At my discarded combadge!

Riker: Search the computer for files about people taking showers naked.
Data: Should that not be "fully clothed," as we witnessed on the other ship?
Riker: Yes, but that wouldn't be as interesting.

La Forge: You built a voice imitator and a portable forcefield generator?
Wesley: Uh-huh. Will I get into trouble for it?
La Forge: Nah, they look harmless enough.

La Forge: (sobbing) Oh, Tasha! I wish I could be Chief Engineer!
Yar: But Geordi, we already have a Chief Engineer.
La Forge: Really? Who?
Yar: Well, this week it's...uh...gee, let me think here for a second....

Riker: Captain, we've found what's causing the trouble.
Data: The collapsing star's shifting gravity has turned water into super-alcohol.
Picard: Damn. This could put my brother's vineyard out of business.

Yar: Your hairstyles always look so nice, Deanna.
Troi: Tasha, I think your judgement is impaired.
Yar: I'm all right...I just feel kind of hot, that's all.
Troi: In which sense?
Yar: Both of them.

Wesley: (over the comm) Hi Captain! I've taken over Engineering!
Riker: Well, at least he's not singing "I'll Take You Home Again, Kathleen."
Picard: Not yet anyway.

Yar: You're familiar with the concept of sex, aren't you?
Data: Of course.
Yar: Great! Show me everything you know!
Data: As you wish. (Ahem.) "Chapter One: Male and Female Sexual Anatomy. First paragraph...."

Worf: Captain, there are reports of hanky-panky all over the ship.
Picard: That's strange. When this happened on the old Enterprise, the crew was much, enterprising.
Worf: Perhaps their log entries were made under different censorship standards than ours.
Picard: What? You mean that all this is being recorded?
Worf: Just be glad that I haven't been affected yet.

Picard: Doctor, modern Starfleet uniforms aren't supposed to have zippers.
Crusher: I've gone retro. See how cleverly these gadgets open?
Picard: Uh....

Worf: Sir, the exploding star has just thrown a big rock at us!
Picard: Oh, come on. I may be drunk, but not enough to believe that!

MacDougal: I'd need two hours to replace all those isolinear chips!
Wesley: Ah, but Data's an android! He could do it in ten minutes!
Riker: (to MacDougal) So what do we need you for anyway?

Wesley: Wow, look at Data handle those chips!
Riker: I bet he'd make a great poker player.

MacDougal: It would take a sober Starfleet engineer weeks to lay out the new circuits we need!
Wesley: Ah, but I'm a drunk civilian teenager! I could do it in two minutes!
Riker: Jeez, no wonder we keep replacing our Chief Engineers around here....

La Forge: Hey, my head's clearing! What was in that hypo, Doc?
Crusher: Tea. Earl Grey. Hot.

Yar: Data, don't ever mention what happened between us!
Data: But all I did was talk for three hours.
Yar: Exactly. I don't need to have the whole crew laughing at me.
(The Enterprise sails away at Lubricious Speed)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

Marc Richard is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.

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