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May 26 2024


An archive of Star Trek News

Second Chances

By Scott Zarchy
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 7:27 PM GMT

See Also: 'Second Chances' Episode Guide

Data: Due to the Law of Excessive Drama, our time is limited and I can only allot 0.47 seconds to speak to you.
Riker: But I --
Data: Your time has run out, Commander.
Riker: Shucks.

Lieutenant Riker: Honey, I'm home -- aaaaaaaah!
Data: Fascinating. It appears to be a copy of Commander Riker.
Riker: Who are you?
Lt. Riker: (mockingly) I know you are, but what am I?
Data: An exceedingly accurate copy.
Both Rikers: Hey!

Crusher: Captain, I can assure you - this IS Will Riker.
Picard: They've even grown the same beard. I can't tell them apart.
Lt. Riker: That's easily fixed. One stroke of the razor and I'll once again be as smooth as an android's bottom.
Picard: Okay, that was one image I did NOT need replayed in my mind.

Troi: Hello, Will.
Lt. Riker: Imzadi! I spent the last eight years thinking about you just to stay sane.
Troi: You'd think after eight years you would come up with a better pick-up line than that....
Lt. Riker: Hey! It took eight years just to perfect the subtleties and nuances of that one!
Troi: You mean the delicate act of grabbing me off the floor and kissing me by force?
Lt. Riker: Yep.

Data: Lieutenant Riker should have been here approximately three minutes ago.
Lt. Riker: Sorry I'm late, I'm still getting used to the time zone difference.
Data: You realize, Lieutenant, that all Federation outposts have synchronized chronometers and that the time on the planet is the same as that on the Enterprise.
Lt. Riker: Okay, okay! I'm guilty. I hit the snooze button.

Lt. Riker: I think my way is the best way to get the data.
Riker: No, my plan is smarter.
Worf: Excuse me, but shouldn't we be asking Geordi to get down here and figure this out?
Both Rikers: No.

Riker: I am your commanding officer, and you take orders from ME!
Lt. Riker: But technically, I am you, so I can obey my own orders.
Riker: head hurts....

Troi: Why, it's a little paper note from's a scavenger hunt!
Troi's Inner Voice: You know, I always warned you that you brought out his childish side. What'll he do next, play hide-and-go-seek?
Troi: Spoilsport.

Troi: Ooh, Will left me another note on the warp core.
La Forge: Aaaaaagh! He taped it on! I spent hours polishing that!

Troi: Sometimes, I just looked up at the sky and tried to make you feel my presence.
Lt. Riker: Aha, so those creepy voices in my head were really you!
Troi: No.

Lt. Riker: What is that, karate?
Troi: Nope, it's Klingon calisthenics. Worf teaches a class.
Lt. Riker: Impressive, but can you touch your nose with your tongue? I can.
Troi's Inner Voice: Worried yet?

Riker: If you want to be with him, you don't need to ask me. I can see it in your eyes.
Troi: Hey! I didn't even say anything! I'm the empath here!
Riker: Yes, but I've picked up your knack for stating the bluntly obvious.

Riker: Okay, Data and Worf stay here, so Willy and I can have a fuzzy, cuddly Kodak moment!
Data: Sir, the mission parameters state that the pair going down to the computer core must have a working knowledge of computer analysis and --
(Data falls to the floor)
Lt. Riker: An off switch...who knew?

Lt. Riker: Let me fall! One of us has to get out of here alive!
Riker: Climb! I'm as good as dead if I have to tell Deanna that I dropped you!
Lt. Riker: You mean I can stop trying to pull you in after me?

Lt. Riker: I've managed to get a posting on the Gandhi.
Troi: Good for you, Will.
Lt. Riker: Actually, I've been thinking about going by the name Porthos.
Troi: Try Thomas instead. I hear Tuesday is Chili Night on the Gandhi.

Riker: Here, I'd like you to have my trombone.
Lt. Riker: Great! I haven't played one of these for years! Well, I'm out of here. Take care of her, Will.
Troi: Aww, I want you to play me "Nightbird!"
Lt. Riker: I take that back. Cause her great, great pain.
(The Enterprise sails away at Ludicrous Speed)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

Scott Zarchy is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.

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