Lonely Among Us

By FatMatDuhRat
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 5:05 PM GMT

See Also: 'Lonely Among Us' Episode Guide

Riker: Prepare to beam over the freaky looking aliens.
Yar: Ahem! Welcome to the Enterprise --
Selay Delegate: (sniffs) Eww! This ship stinks!
Picard: Sorry about that, the cleaners won't arrive until Tuesday.

Yar: Captain! Our sensors are picking up something very large and very weird.
Data: I concur. We're heading towards a massive buildup of unknown and deadly energy.
Picard: Sounds like fun -- Engage!

La Forge: Hey there Worf! Don't you just love doing sensory maintenance sweeps?
Worf: Actually Geordi, I'd rather be electrocuted than have to do this.
Blue Electricity: (ZAP!)
La Forge: Whoa! I totally didn't see that one coming!

Antican Delegate: Bring us some fresh animals to kill so that we may eat.
Yar: Uh... Why don't you try some of our nice replicated food?
Antican Delegate: (sniffs) UGH! This stuff stinks!
Riker: Here, have this instead. It's called "Leola Root Soufflé."

Crusher: Ho-hum, time to examine Worf.
Blue Electricity: (ZAP!)
Troi: Hello Doctor. (stares at her) I sense something different about you.
Crusher: Can't -- talk -- now. Must go.
Troi: Hey, wait up! (chases after her)
Worf: Er... hello? (pause) Could somebody let me up now?

Crusher: Must -- take over -- ship.
Picard: Hello there Beverly.
Blue Electricity: (ZAP!)
Crusher: Wha--? Who're you?
Picard: Fine, thanks. Hm... Why is that console behind you glowing?
Data: Captain, dozens of systems have just broken down all over the ship.
Picard: I wasn't talking to you, Mr. Data.

Data: Nobody knows anything about these malfunctions, sir, not even Mr. Singh.
Picard: Very well, but I want him to investigate this further.
Singh: B-but sir, (gulp) I have no idea what I'm doing.
Picard: Don't worry, you're not wearing red. What's the worst that can happen to you?

Yar: I found these Anticans with some weapons near the Selay's quarters.
Riker: Let me see that. (activates mini-lightsaber)
Antican Delegate: No fair! Give it back.
Riker: Hey, this thing is really cool! And Worf can use it to clean his teeth.

Wesley: Can I help you out, huh? Can I, huh?
Singh: Help yourself out, sheesh!
Wesley: Fine! Don't come crying to me, redshirt.
Singh: I wonder what that's supposed to m-- (ZAP!) ARGH!

Captain's Log: We're all relying on Mr. Singh right now to fix the Enterprise and --
Worf: (over the comm) Captain! Singh has been found sizzled and singed.
Picard: Whoa! Try saying that three times real fast.

Troi: So both you and Worf are saying that you sensed something?
Crusher: Yeah, but isn't that your line?
Troi: Yes, I know! (sobs) Isn't it pathetic sounding?

Troi: Captain, Dr. Crusher and Worf told me that they detected an entity inside of them.
Picard: WHAT? You're saying that they sensed something?
Troi: Oh no, not you too! WAH!

La Forge: Sir! Something's acting funny with the helm.
Picard: Let me see --
Blue Electricity: (ZAP!)
Picard: Data, be a good little android and take us back into the energy distortion.
Data: Uh, sure. Are you feeling okay?
Picard: Mwahahahaha! Yes, of course. Why do you ask?

Riker: Who are you and what've you done to our Captain?
Picard: Sorry for killing Singh, but I'm sure that this won't hurt much more.
Riker: What won't hurt much more?
Picard: (ZAP!)
Worf: ARGH! You just had to ask him that, didn't you?

Riker: Picard jumped ship, let's leave.
La Forge: Wait! I'm detecting a letter "P" inside of the energy cloud.
Riker: Okay, let's beam it on board.

Picard: I'm back! But -- where was I?
Riker: Awww... That's my Captain!
Yar: Hey guys, come quick! The Selay and the Anticans are killing and cooking each other.
Picard: Right... You handle that one Riker and I'll go let Troi cry on my shoulder.
Riker: Shoot -- I liked him better when he was made of blue lightning.
(The Enterprise ZAPS! off at Ludicrous Speed)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

FatMatDuhRat is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.