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June 12 2024


An archive of Star Trek News


By Derek Dean
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 5:22 PM GMT

See Also: 'Allegiance' Episode Guide

Worf: Hey, you're not dead!
"Picard": Why would I be?
Worf: Well, um, er, -- hey! Why are there quotes around your name?
"Picard": Well, um, er....

Captain's Log: I'm stuck in a cell with -- Who are you people?
Haro: I'm a Bolian cadet.
Picard: I thought Bolians were cobalt blue and bald.
Haro: That's just because the Blue Man is keeping us down.
Tholl: I'm arrogant, whiny, and a genius.
Picard: Just what I need -- another Wesley Crusher.

Picard: Well, let's use this door panel to get out.
Tholl: Don't! They'll use a harmful beam on you! I won't go near it.
Picard: They've really got you conditioned, don't they?
Tholl: No, not at all. (bell rings) Mmmm... suppertime.

Riker: The Hood's ready to rendezvous with us.
"Picard": Ew! I'd rather perform open heart surgery with a spoon! Or destroy the Enterprise in a pulsar! Does anyone have a spoon?
Bridge Crew: No.
"Picard": Darn. Then set a course for the pulsar.

Tholl: What are you doing?
Picard: I saw this in a movie once. We transmit a whole bunch of prime numbers, then send them a copy of Hitler introducing the 1936 Olympics, then --
Tholl: Can't you do something better?
Picard: I could try to find out if we have a common foe.
Tholl: Besides the new guy?
Esoqq: ROAR!

"Picard": Counsellor, has anyone figured out I'm not the real Picard?
Troi: No.
"Picard": Phew.

"Picard": Would you like a nice, romantic dinner in my quarters?
Crusher: I have a feeling we'll be feeding the 'shippers more than ourselves.
"Picard": Might as well throw them a bone once a season or so.

"Picard": Should I just be all romantic and sweep you off your feet?
Crusher: Are you sure that would be P/C?
"Picard": Good point. Maybe you'd better leave.
P/Cers: That was it?

Esoqq: I bet one of us is collaborating with our captors.
Tholl: Not me.
Haro: Not me.
Not Me: Why do I always get blamed for everything? Maybe it's Picard!
Haro: No, it can't be him. He did that classified mission.
Picard: Hmmmm....

"Picard": Ales for everyone! Now let's sing a song.
Riker: I don't like the way the Captain's acting. He's becoming cooler than me! My chances with female crewmembers will be ruined!
Troi: I'm still here for you.
Riker: (sulking) Like that helps.

Wesley: We've reached the pulsar.
"Picard": Take us in.
Riker: Sir, can we reenact a scene from "Lonely Among Us" in your Ready Room?
"Picard": Sure!

Picard: We've almost got the door open.
Esoqq: At last we get to go outside. At last we have --
Tholl: -- another door.
Picard: At this time I'd like to expose Haro. I figured it out a few scenes ago.
Esoqq: Then why didn't you expose her earlier?
Picard: Because I wanted to see what was behind the door.

Riker: It was a great idea to send us eye signals telling us to capture the aliens, sir.
Picard: Thanks, but that look really meant "I know it was you who installed the exploding replicator in my quarters."
Riker: Oops.
(Riker runs away at Ludicrous Speed)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

Derek Dean is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.

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