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A Fistful of Datas

By Derek Dean
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 5:44 PM GMT

See Also: 'A Fistful of Datas' Episode Guide

La Forge: No, we're actually hoping to trap someone else on the holodeck on the pretense that we're being useful.
Picard: Well, just as long as it's useful.

Picard: (on flute) Toot toot toot...
Worf: Captain, --
Picard: Ah, Worf. Are you doing the holodeck episode this time?
Worf: No, I've been receiving complaints from your neighbors about your flute playing.
Picard: Well, do one anyway.

Bandit: There are many, many wanted posters of you, Eli.
Eli: Would you say there are a plethora of wanted posters?
Bandit: Sí, you have a plethora.
Worf: Do you even know what a plethora is?
Alexander: Sigh. Why don't we try this again without quoting The Three Amigos?

Worf: It's time for you to atone for your sins.
Eli: That doesn't really strike a chord with me.
Worf: Oh, ha ha, that's about as funny as a screen door on a battleship.
Troi: It's submarine, Worf. Screen door on a submarine.
Worf: D'oh!

Yellowshirt 1: Hey, losers. Shouldn't you be playing Sherlock Holmes right now?
Yellowshirt 2: Ha ha! Yeah, there's nothing like having your life put in danger by sentient Holodeck characters.
La Forge: Grrr. You guys are going to be eating cat food tonight.

Worf: So what are you doing here?
Troi: I love Westerns.
Worf: You realize you're just feeding the 'shippers by being here with me.
Troi: What 'shippers? We won't have 'shippers until next season.

Riker: (reading from PADD) There was a Lieutenant named Yar, who was killed --
Crusher: Will, that's not your part.
Riker: I can see that it's not. It's Data's Ode to Spot.
Crusher: You were asleep. That's his Ode to Yar.

Data/Frank: Howdy, Sheriff. Wondering where your deputy is?
Worf: Not really. I figured he was going to pull a Parent Trap and leave Troi and me trapped on the Holodeck.
Data/Frank: Judges? No, I'm sorry. The correct answer is that I've kidnapped Alexander and disabled the Holodeck safeties. You were right about being trapped on the Holodeck though.
Worf: Shoot!
Data/Frank: If you insist. (BANG!)

Troi: You got shot!
Worf: Despite your Western attire, you still manage to state the obvious.
Troi: But it's a holographic gun, it shouldn't hurt you.
Worf: It's not the spectre of the gun that hurts me as much as the spectre of the bullet.

Data/Eli: Ha ha! You got shot!
Worf: Is it just me or are all the Holodeck characters turning into Lore?
Troi: Actually, I think they're turning into Data and the speaker credits seem to agree with me.
Worf: Before long we're going to have a handful of Datas.
Troi: Or even a fistful.

Data: We reckon that these here ship problems are from our attempt at doing something useful.
Riker: Then maybe we should shut down all the affected systems until they're repaired.
La Forge: Ahem. This is a holodeck episode.
Riker: Oh, right. Never mind.

Data/Frank: We should do a classic shoot-out like they have in most Westerns.
Worf: I agree. What time? High noon?
Data/Frank: Noon? I do my killing after dinner. 7 o'clock!
Worf: 6 o'clock. I do my killing before dinner.
Data/Frank: (confused) Don't you guys normally bargain for a later shoot-out time?

Troi: I don't think you can beat Data in a shoot-out.
Worf: I agree, so I'm going to do something I saw in a Western.
Troi: A Fistful of Dollars, perhaps?
Worf: No, Back to the Future 3. If only I had more time....

Worf: I'm your huckleberry.
Data/Frank: Draw!
Worf: No, I thought we could settle this like men.
Data/Frank: You thought wrong, dude.
Worf: Then I thought we could settle this with technobabble.

Data/Frank: You won. You can kill me now.
Worf: Since my son is here, I think I won't.
Data/Frank: Don't you want Alexander to learn Klingon values, not human ones?
Worf: If you were any other man, I would kill you where you stand!
Data/Frank: So much for consistent characterization.
Worf: You're one to talk.

Alexander: I guess you won't want to do any more holodeck episodes with me, will you?
Worf: I don't know. I think I'd rather have you play with Sheriff Woody than Malibu Barbie.
Woody: There's a snake in my boot!
(The Enterprise rides off into the sunset at Ludicrous Speed. Ow.)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

Derek Dean is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.

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