Once Upon a Planet

By Kristina Runyeon-Odeberg
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 9:07 PM GMT

See Also: 'Once Upon a Planet' Episode Guide

Captain's Log: My voice is a talent so rare it's all but undetectable, so enjoy. By the way, we are on the Shore Leave planet once again.

McCoy: A Southern plantation is true decoration.
Queen of Hearts: Off with his head!
McCoy: Why would I be off my heading? I'm a doctor, not a navigator.
Queen of Hearts: Don't flatter yourself, bonehead.

Uhura: "Georgia on my mind...." -- oh, the Doctor's in trouble!
Robot: (grabs Uhura)
Uhura: Unhand me!
Uhura: I could normally use a disarming smile, but it's of no use now.

McCoy: We need to find Uhura.
Kirk: I'm here to kiss any damsel in distress.
McCoy: They only get distraught once you've kissed them.
Kirk: Curses, foiled again!

Spock: I'm getting tricorder readings of a tombstone -- there it is.
Kirk: It says "This unit was terminated...."
McCoy: What's the small print?
Spock: ".... and it won't be back." Signed, "Arnold."
McCoy: Who's Arnold?
Kirk: Probably some B actor with puny muscles.

McCoy: Where did that dragon come from?
Sulu: At least it's not a pterodactyl.
McCoy: Need I remind you that those are available on archive footage?
Sulu: Oops.

Uhura: Where is the Keeper?
Computer: That unit has been terminated.
Uhura: I'm determined to get out of here.
Computer: You'll be "de-terminated" soon enough if you don't watch it.

McCoy: Try not to think.
Sulu: I prefer to follow the chain of command upward for that task.
McCoy: You mean the Captain is able to outshine the rest of the crew?
Sulu: You told me not to think, Doctor. I prefer to obey.

Kirk: We're caught in this cave. Now are we men or are we mice?
Spock: Clearly, the giant cat outside seems to show no concern.
Kirk: Ideas, anyone?
Sulu: I say we paint the computer red. Since it's not a recurring character, the script writers will do the job for us.

Spock: I say we risk a major character.
McCoy: You're "It", Spock. I have a drug here that will take your blues away.
Spock: Doctor, is it vanishing cream to be used on you?
McCoy: All right, you copper-corpuscled coot, you asked for it. (psssft)

Kirk: Run -- the robots grabbed our temporary yellowbelly!
Sulu: (mutters) You go ahead; we'll catch up with you easily.
Kirk: Mr Sulu?
Sulu: Nothing.

Computer: Intruder alert! Your crewmates will be terminated.
Uhura: Oh, it's Kirk. At least a redshirt would end up with more than a ripped shirt.

Kirk: Uhura, what's the computer up to?
Uhura: It misses Professor Falken.
Sulu: Try a game of Tic-Tac-Toe.
Computer: I prefer "Thermonuclear War."

Spock: What do you want?
Computer: To free the slaves of the carbon units.
Spock: We are already slaves to technology. Care for a mind meld?
Computer: Sounds intriguing.

McCoy: Ah, now for some real shore leave.
Kirk: And you, Spock?
Spock: I intend to discuss the episode plotholes with this machine.
Uhura: Now those should keep it confused for some time to come.
(All except for Scotty beam down for Shore Leave at Ludicrous Speed)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

Kristina Runyeon-Odeberg is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.