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When It Rains...

By Andy Taylor
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 4:23 PM GMT

See Also: 'When It Rains...' Episode Guide

O'Brien: Well, we believe that one ship survived the battle through a CGI mixup.
Sisko: One out of 312 ships. 10 to 1 says it was the Enterprise.
Admiral Ross: The Klingon fleet is the only thing protecting us from the Dominion right now.
Token Romulan: NOOOO! We're doomed, DOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!
Sisko: Don't worry; Damar's resistance group will help.
Token Romulan: NOOOO! We're doomed, DOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!
Admiral Ross: Who the hell is this guy anyway?

Kira: Oh? And why do I have to help Damar? He worked his way up to Legate -- you think he'd know what he was doing...
Sisko: Ahem. It's called "giving you something useful to do."
Kira: But he killed Ziyal!
Sisko: Oh yeah, Garak liked her too. Take him also.
Kira: Sir? Do you want Damar dead?
Sisko: So sue me.

Bashir: I need a goo donation.
Odo: Really? But goo makes me go!
Bashir: Quit whining, I plan to use it resourcefully.

Kai Winn: Oh, Solbor was a lovely man; I would never kill him, mutilate his body and use him as a hat stand. Ahem.
Guard: Duh, okay. Me cwever and happeee now.
Dukat: So where's the body?
Kai Winn: Look, I don't have a collection of hat stands for nothing, you know.

Sisko: You're going with Kira to help the resistance.
Garak: But Cardassians don't like Bajorans.
Sisko: That's a bit of an understatement. We're therefore making her a Starfleet officer.
Admiral Ross: Oh, very clever. Maybe we should put bunny ears on her too?
Sisko: I see you've been briefed.

Rusot: Ahem. Our rebellion has only been running for an episode and we're almost out of supplies.
Damar: Look, I don't care how much energy it saps -- just keep the "This is not a secret Cardassian rebellion headquarters" sign running. It's our only defense measure!

Gowron: Hmmm, I'm one of Worf's enemies, the series is nearly over... I don't suppose anyone's seen a list around here with my name on it?
Worf: Why else do you think I called you here?

Bashir: I think Ezri's avoiding me for some reason.
O'Brien: Yeah, because that makes sense.
Ezri: Hiya.
Bashir: Hi.
Bashir: Well....
Computer: Attention: a diversion is causing a serious diversion! Please be diverted -- awkwardness dissolving in five seconds!

Odo: So I'm ill?
Bashir: You got it. Later.
Kira: Awww.

Dukat: My what a pretty book this -- argh! My eyes!
Kai Winn: Hey! Why are you looking at my copy of Vogue?
Dukat: Articles... too bland... colours... argh!
Kai Winn: Tee hee!

Gowron: I cut my hand because you're good.
Martok: I cut my hand in agreement.
Sisko: I cut my hand for -- what?
Gowron: Well, now that the niceties are done with -- I'm assuming control of the fleet.
Worf: Oh he is so on the list.

Bashir: I need to see Odo's medical files!
Starfleet Officer #1: Nope.
Bashir: As above.
Starfleet Officer #2: Nope.
Bashir: As above with a cherry on top?
Starfleet Officer #3: Hmmm. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah -- NOPE!
Bashir: Why I oughta... gripegripegripegripegripegripe!

Damar: Hello old, er, friends. I mean, enemies. I mean --
Kira: Just by staring I could kill eight of you.
Rusot: Grrrr.
Odo: Well this is tense.

Kira: Well, one problem you have here is that all of your men are still here doing nothing.
Odo: Now, we may have to kill some Cardassians --
Rusot: I object -- it is blasphemous! You just have blood lust!
Kira: And? Er, I mean, I killed Bajorans during the Occupation, so --
Rusot: Blood lust! Revenge! Illogical! Futile!
Kira: Right. Where's that list?

Bashir: Hey! They sent me a false medical report!
O'Brien: Section 31 did it.
Bashir: Does that even make any sense?
O'Brien: Ahem. I believe we have a plot to further.
Bashir: Okay. Hey, we could hop into someone's brain for answers!
O'Brien: Please. We'll never get that desperate.

Martok: Gowron must suck if he thinks I suck.
Worf: You know, I've barely said two words all episode; why should I raise an argument now?

Rusot: Odo was a collaborator!
Kira: Well you're a big fat pig!
Odo: Stop it, you two!
Garak: You're lucky she didn't eat you alive.
Kira: He's just lucky I'm a veggie.

Odo's Hand: I'm ill and flaky.
Odo: Yeah, well maybe I could survive without you! Good God, I'm talking to my hands.
Odo's Feet: You are so screwed!

Dukat: Is that you a-dummy? Hello?
Kai Winn: Boo!
Dukat: Argh! (sniff)
Kai Winn: Now get out on the streets and beg -- the Pah Wraiths are a-punishing you, boy!
Dukat: I believe that you're just acting on your hate of me.
Kai Winn: Bite me, blind-y.

Gowron: I have a brilliant idea to beat the Dominion. We're going to fight them alone, leaving us outnumbered 20 to 1.
Martok: Fantastic.
Gowron: Don't you dishonour me with your sarcasm.

Quark: Here's some coffee to keep you awake. I'm sure Odo would appreciate it.
O'Brien: Well, duh!
Bashir: Holy crap! Section 31 infected Odo when he was at Starfleet Medical three years ago! We have to stop them!
O'Brien: Okay! Stop them from what?
Bashir: From trying to take over the world!
O'Brien: Dammit, can't they find something else to do every night?
(The station turns at Ludicrous Speed)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

Andy Taylor is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.

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