The Muse

By Sa'ar Chasm
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 4:12 PM GMT

See Also: 'The Muse' Episode Guide

Jake: Begin recording character ideas... a flamboyant telepath who flirts with everyone, a handsome young writer living on a space station, and a soul-sucking alien who fuels creativity. Computer, delete last suggestion. Nobody would ever believe it.

Lwaxana: Odo, I'm pregnant.
Odo: What? How? When? I never...
Lwaxana: Help me, Odo-itan. You're my only hope.
Odo: Um... er....
Lwaxana: Or I could go ask Sisko. I notice he's shaved his head.

Jake: (scribblescribblescribble)
Onaya: You're a writer.
Jake: Yes, how did you know?
Onaya: I can see inside your mind... it's dirty in there. If you want help with your writing, come to my quarters tonight.
Jake: Hummanahummanahummana.

Sisko: I'm leaving for Bajor. Try not to get into any trouble while I'm gone.
Jake: Okay.
Sisko: And no talking to strangers.
Jake: Strangers are just friends you haven't met yet.
Sisko: Hm, that's a good point. Have fun, then.

Lwaxana: It seems like everyone I care about dies on me.
Worf: I know what you mean.
Jadzia: Should I be worried?
K'Ehleyr/Future Troi: Yes.

Lwaxana: My darling Kestra died so young....
Odo: Please don't mention that episode.
Lwaxana: Sorry. Oh, are these your quarters? Watch me contrive an excuse to fall asleep in your lap.
Odo: I hope you don't mind waking up in a puddle of changeling goo.

Jake: Mrs. Robinson? It's Jake Sisko. I've, uh, I've brought some wine.
Onaya: I don't drink... wine. But come; let me help you learn to help yourself. Just scrawl down any old rubbish that comes to mind.
Jake: It's like writing a fiver.

Deputy: Constable, Lwaxana's husband has just arrived.
Odo: Very well. Begin Operation Chloroform.
Jeyal: You can't just haul me into security simply on a whim!
Quark: (over the comm) Actually, he can.

Odo: Lwaxana, marry me.
Lwaxana: I thought you'd never ask. Let's go convince that misogynist, hard-nosed hidebound git that you really love me and you aren't doing this to defy Tavnian custom.
Odo: Bugger.

Onaya: (schlurp) What do you want to do with your life beyond writing?
Jake: Well, it's late September and I really should be back in school.
Onaya: But there is so much greatness you could achieve.
Jake: Greatness? Me? Well, I'll have to think about it.
Onaya: I --
Jake: I've thought about it. Let's do it.
Onaya: Excellent.

Odo: I, uh, really like Lwaxana.
Jeyal: I call shenanigans!
Odo: I really, really really like her.
Jeyal: Enh. Close enough. My collection of dolls in pretty dresses won't be the same without you, dear.

Onaya: (burp) Jake, take a break before you kill yourself. I'll let you know when I'm hungry again.
Jake: Gimme a pillow. I'm gonna need it in about --
Jake: -- negative two seconds.

Bashir: The vessels in his brain are breaking down.
Sisko: Small words, Doctor.
Bashir: Jake has an owie in his head.
Sisko: What could have caused it?
Bashir: Right now I'm banking on gnomes with tiny hammers.

Onaya: (schlurp) Good, good. I feel your power. You will be remembered.
Sisko: I'd prefer he was around to remember being remembered.
Onaya: Curses! Foiled again! (stomps foot and vanishes)
Sisko: Wait! We didn't get your name! How will other Starfleet officers recognize you in two hundred years?

Lwaxana: I'm going home now, Odo.
Odo: But....
Lwaxana: I'll never forget everything you've done for me and hey, is that Sisko? I think I have time to catch him before I leave.

Jake: She made a first-class fool out of me.
Sisko: I'd say you were a Graduate of the School of Life.
Jake: Having a creativity vampire feed off you while encouraging you to write the greatest work of your existence is life?
Sisko: Have you been paying attention for the last four seasons? Compared to what we normally get up to around here, this is par for the course.
(The station turns at Ludicrous Speed)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

Sa'ar Chasm is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.