Take Me Out to the Holosuite

By saxamaphone
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 4:20 PM GMT

See Also: 'Take Me Out to the Holosuite' Episode Guide

Kira: There's an annoying Vulcan here to see you.
Sisko: Which one?
Solok: Do you know many annoying Vulcans?
Sisko: You'd be surprised.

Solok: Thank you for letting us use your inferior station.
Sisko: While you're here, take a look at my Christopher Pike Medal of Valour.
Solok: I have two.
Sisko: Dammit -- you always win these debates!
Solok: Actually, I have only won 99.647% of our debates.
Sisko: If you don't shut up, I'm going to take this baseball bat and stick it up y--
Solok: Baseball? What an excellent idea!

Sisko: We've been challenged to a contest by the Vulcans.
Worf: Do I get to kill anyone?
Sisko: No.

Kira: We'll have to figure out this lineup... Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.
Worf: That's what we want to find out.
Kira: I said Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third --
Nog: But you need to give us names.
Kira: It's right here on the PADD!
Worf: Well, then who's on first?
Kira: Yes!

O'Brien: Who's on second?
Ezri: No, Who's on first.
Bashir: I don't know.
Ezri: He's on third.
O'Brien: I need a drink.
Quark: You rang?

Sisko: You all suck -- we're doomed.
Jake: Hey, you never know. It could end up being like that movie Major League.
Sisko: More like A League of their Own.
Jake: But the team in that movie was all... HEY!

Sisko: I need an umpire. Will you do it?
Odo: Let's play ball!
Sisko: That's the spirit. I'm glad we have you on our side.
Odo: Strike one!

Ezri: Doctor, am I going to make it?
Bashir: Geez, you just banged your elbow
Quark: Everything's getting dark.
Bashir: And you didn't even play! You just got a paper cut while taking bets.
O'Brien: Okay, I'm ready! Let's play ball!
Bashir: Oh, not you. You're hurt.

Sisko: Here, try my magic bat. I call it "Wonderboy."
Rom: Okay. (swish)
Kira: OW! Who threw that?
Sisko: You are so off the team.
Rom: Captain, I'm sorry I threw the bat--
Sisko: I'm not worried about the bat. You completely missed Solok in the stands!

Nog: Sisko's a meanie.
Rom: Naw, you guys go have fun. I just don't know what to do now.
Leeta: You could dance to "Baby Elephant Walk" in the stands.
Rom: Call me "Dancin' Rom."

Sisko: (singing) We're talkin' baseball.
Kira: (singing) From Bajor to San Francisco.
O'Brien: (singing) We're talkin' baseball.
Bashir: (singing) Kasidy and Jake Sisko.
Ezri: (singing) O'Brien's alcohol tasting gum.
Kasidy: (singing) Ezri, ow, she hurt her thumb.
Worf: What's with the song?
Odo: Beats a montage of training clips.

Kasidy: So, what's up with you and Solok?
Sisko: Solok? DIE! DIE! DIEDIEDIE--
Kasidy: Whoa, sorry I asked.
Sisko: Let's just say it involved a few drinks, some bad jambalaya, and Solok's survival training diet of acorns and marijuana. Just don't tell this to anyone, okay?
Kasidy: (crosses fingers) Okay.
Sisko: Hey, I can read that!

Sisko: Where did all these spectators come from?
Solok: If you build it, they will come.
Sisko: You can at least get them to stop holding up signs that say "Sisko sucks."
Odo: Strike two Sisko.

Sisko: You guys stink!
Quark: We're doing the best we can.
Sisko: That not good enough. Besides, your hat looks like a frying pan.
Quark: Does not.
Sisko: Does too. And that goes for you too, Nog. Now do better or I'll start on those socks next.

Odo: You're out!
Worf: If you were any other man, I'd kill you where you stand.
Odo: What if I was Picard?
Worf: Okay -- almost any other man.
Odo: Ha! Odo 1, Worf 0.
Sisko: Actually, the score is Logicians 8, Niners 0.
Odo: Strike three! You're outta here!

Sisko: We got anything to eat up here? Peanuts? Cracker Jack?
Rom: The only thing at the concession stand is Vulcan Plomeek Chili.
Sisko: Ick. I'll pass.
Rom: I'll give you my popcorn if I can play.
Sisko: Sure, go knock yourself out.
Rom: I'll do my best.
Sisko: No, seriously, go knock yourself out. We need the RBI.

Sisko: Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the station.
Solok: But you didn't win.
Sisko: We know, but it's the most illogical thing we could do right now. Unless you want to see the hula dance that Odo prepared.
Solok: No, I'm leaving before you have the chance to taunt me further.
Odo: Does that mean I can take these coconuts off now, Captain?
(The station turns at Ludicrous Speed)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

saxamaphone is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.