By Soyokaze
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 4:00 PM GMT

See Also: 'Melora' Episode Guide

Medical Log: I wonder if the fact that I get to make a log entry will impress today's blonde guest star....

Jadzia: So you've gone from stalking me to the alien chick of the week?
Bashir: Not at all. I just understand that "alien chick from a low-grav environment" in any science fiction TV show inevitably equals "low-grav make-out scene."
Jadzia: If this is an attempt at making me jealous, it's not working.
Bashir: Of course I'm not trying to make you jealous. Now hold still so I can ogle you.

Melora: I'm Ensign Melora Pazlar. Bite me.
Bashir: Pleased to meet you, too.
Jadzia: Now if there's any way we can help....
Melora: NO! I don't like you. Go away!
Bashir: She's lovely. I think I'm going to pursue another useless one-episode romance.

Ashrock: So you're willing to give me Lord of the Rings collectibles?
Quark: For the right price. Now let me get you drunk so I can viciously rip you off....
Kot: Die, Quark.
Quark: Eep. Suddenly I find myself not hating Odo.

Sisko: Dax, you've been nominated to babysit the new Ensign on your trip to the Gamma Quadrant.
Jadzia: Okay, no probl--
Melora: I absolutely refuse to be babysat. I'm going alone!
Bashir: And if you get eaten by a savage lifeform or fried by an exploding console?
Melora: Hello? Does this shirt look red to you or are you just color-blind?
Sisko: For the sake of plot, I'm going to order you to be babysat.
Melora: Damn.

Bashir: Am I allowed to invade your quarters?
Melora: No. But invade my quarters anyways.
Bashir: Allow me to reintroduce myself. I'm Julian Bashir, but you can call me James T. Kirk.
Melora: You really don't suck as much as I first thought you did.
Bashir: Score! Wanna go out?
Melora: Ah, what the hell. I'm only here for an episode.

Quark: Will you not want to kill me if I give you food?
Kot: Didn't I tell you to die?
Quark: Look, whose name is in the credits? Yours or mine? What do you say to that, huh?
Kot: (glare)
Quark: On second thought, what do you say to a game of Dabo? And my entire contingent of scantily clad Dabo girls?

Bashir: Ah, the joys of Klingon dining.
Melora: Eeeew, this isn't live's leola root soup. Fix it at once, p'taK!
Klingon Chef: Oh my God...leola root soup? I have dishonored my restaurant!
Bashir: Now that you're done complaining about the cuisine, can I please tell an angst-filled story of my childhood?
Melora: Sure. I'll sit here looking appropriately sympathetic.

Jadzia: So either Melora had an accident or she spent the night in Sickbay with Julian...what do you think, computer?
Computer: What would you do in that situation?
Jadzia: Somehow I knew it was the accident.
Melora: Either way I end up in Sickbay. How convenient.

Bashir: So then, I, like, rewrite a bunch of technobabble thought up by some other guy, and you'll, like, be able to walk in normal gravity. Isn't that, like, such a turn-on?
Melora: Indeed. Now let me sprinkle you with this fairy dust....
Bashir: Wow! Look, Tinkerbell! I'm flying!
Melora: Exactly, Peter. Don't you think it's time we engaged in one of the most overused sci-fi romance conventions of all time? The one mentioned earlier in this fiver?
Bashir: Fine by me.
Melora: Oh, Julian....
Bashir: Oh, Jadzia. I mean Leeta. I mean Ezri. Wait...Melora, right?
Melora: That's it, Quark isn't the only one facing a death threat in this episode....

Melora: You and Julian aren't having some sort of fling, are you?
Jadzia: Me and Julian? Hahahaha...are you kidding? Not even if I was killed by Dukat while he was possessed by a pah-wraith, and then got a new, more naive host who wasn't able to control herself!
Melora: ...and we all know the odds of that happening are, like, nonexistent.
Jadzia: Of course. He's all yours.
Melora: Think it'll last?
Jadzia: Yep. Until both the A and B plots are solved, that is.

Quark: Pleeeeease, Odo, have mercy on poor little me!
Odo: Ha. I laugh at you, miserable Ferengi scum. Hahaha. But I'll save your butt anyway.
Quark: Why? You hate me.
Odo: Yeah, but have you ever seen "Caretaker, Part Two"?

Bashir: Technobabble, technobabble, lalala....
Melora: So this is supposed to help me?
Bashir: Theoretically, but I still haven't made Jadzia jealous yet.
Melora: What was that?
Bashir: Nothing.

Odo: I'm sorry, but you can't kill Quark.
Kot: Awwwww, why? I wanna!
Odo: Because I'm going to kill him. ME! I mean...because it's against the law. And I'm the law here. Yeah.
Kot: You're no fun.
Odo: I try my best.

Melora: Oooh, lookie, I can walk in normal gravity!
Bashir: Maybe there's hope for me getting a permanent love interest after all....
Melora: Wait, I fell.
Bashir: ...or not.

Quark: My, it is dark in here...Odo, you can save my butt now!
Kot: And you can die!
Quark: Wait, I have money!
Kot: Do I look like a Ferengi to you?
Quark: No, but you look bribable.
Kot: Point taken. How much is in question?

Melora: So I wanna stay with Julian, but I also wanna be able to come back to my family. What should I do?
Jadzia: You know, this reminds me of "The Little Mermaid." Of course, she ended up committing suicide at the end.
Melora: Surely Julian's not that bad....
Jadzia: Yeah, but I just realized that the pah-wraith scenario was more feasible than it first looked.

Ashrock: And now here's the money for the Lord of the Rings collectibles... ACK!
Quark: Oh my God, you killed Ashrock! Where are we going now?
Kot: Believe it or not, the A and B plots are actually going to meet in this episode.

Sisko: Ha! We've caught you with our tractor beam!
Kot: And I just shot the other guest star. Take me to the Gamma Quadrant.
Jadzia: No. On second thought, okay.
Melora: Not so fast! Since I'm not dead, I'm going to disable the gravity and use Mad Matrix Skillz!
Quark: And I'm going to stand here looking uncool with a phaser!
Sisko: And Bashir and I are going to beam in heroically to save everyone.
Jadzia: Far too late, of course.

Melora: I decided not to go through with your treatment.
Bashir: What made you change your mind?
Melora: The technobabble. I wasn't about to undergo a treatment that sounds like it came out of Voyager.
Bashir: You still love me, right?
Melora: As much as I love the Klingon opera that's droning on in the background....
Bashir: (cringes) Wonderful... (mutters) Now what the hell do women see in Klingons...?
(The station turns at Ludicrous Speed)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

Soyokaze is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.