By Derek Dean
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 4:05 PM GMT

See Also: 'Equilibrium' Episode Guide

Jadzia: Who plays keyboard?
Jake: I used to try to pick up girls with it, but I found levers worked better.
Jadzia: I'd kill to be able to play the keyboard.
Bashir: You seem to be playing fine without killing anyone.
Jadzia: Don't tempt me.

Jadzia: Queen to Queen's Level 3.
Sisko: Queen to King's Level 1.
Jadzia: Wait, you can't do that. We're not playing three-dimensional chess.
Sisko: In that case you can't do your move either.
Jadzia: Meany!

Masked Man: Woooooooooooooo....
Jadzia: Who was that strange masked man?
Quark: The Lone Ranger?

Jadzia: I'm sorry I called you a meany, Commander Babyface.
Sisko: I think I liked meany better.
Bashir: Your hosttrillcommunication levels are way down.
Jadzia: Gasp! That's what facilitates communication between the host and trill!
Sisko: Spare me your technobabble, just fix her.
Bashir: Only if we take a roadtrip to Trill.
Sisko: Roads? Where we're going we won't need roads.

Jadzia: Can I sleep with you?
Bashir: Yes! Yes! A million times yes!
Jadzia: I mean in your quarters.
Bashir: Wherever you'd like.

Renhol: Take two of these and call me in the morning. Not too early though, I sleep in.
Jadzia: Ick. I don't like medicine.
Renhol: You'll like these. They taste like chocolate.
Bashir: What do the little 'm's on them mean?
Renhol: They stand for, um, medicine.

Bashir: Time for some sleep.
Jadzia: I'd much rather have a hallucination.
Masked Man: You called?
Jadzia: Who are you, oh hauntingly musical masked man?
Masked Man: Isn't it obvious? I'm the Phantom of the Opera!

Renhol: Maybe the medicine isn't working. Take these, um, super-medicines!
Jadzia: I think I want a second opinion.
Renhol: Okay, you're ugly too.

Timor: Hey, Dax. Do you have a new host or are you just happy to see me?
Bashir: That's the most disturbing line I've heard.
Jadzia: Do you know why I'm experiencing all these hallucinations?
Timor: They're either repressed memories from a homicidal host or that pizza you had last night.
Jadzia: Hm. I wonder which one....

Sisko: The computer identified the music as "The Music of the Night".
Jadzia: Let me see the guy who wrote it.
Sisko: The computer says it was Joran Belar.
Bashir: (muttering) I thought it was Andrew Lloyd Webber.

Masked Man: Mwahahahaha!
Doctor: GAK!
Jadzia: Let's see who this masked man really is! Gasp! It's Colonel West!
Joran: Actually, I'm Andrew Lloyd Webber.
Jadzia: Actually, you're Joran.

Renhol: I'm going to have to remove the symbiont.
Sisko: Oh no! What will we do without Dax?
Renhol: You can stop pretending.
Sisko: Thanks.

Bashir: Hey look. Joran died at the same time as Torias Dax.
Sisko: Open hailing frequencies.
Bashir: To whom?
Sisko: I don't care... anyone.
Yolad: (over the comm) Joran was my brother, and he was joined.
Sisko: I love our comm system.

Renhol: Scalpel, screwdriver, buzzsaw. Yep, I'm ready to begin surgery.
Sisko: Not so fast, we've figured out the whole thing.
Renhol: Oh no! Not that 50% of the population can be joined and we're going to kill Jadzia to continue to cover up that fact!
Sisko: Um, yes, that too.

Jadzia: Hey, Joran.
Joran: Hey, Jadzia. Notice how I'm not trying to kill anyone? This will be the last time.
Jadzia: Yeah, whatever.

Sisko: How you doing, killer?
Jadzia: I think I liked "old man" better.
Sisko: Tough. Now play something meaningful on the keyboard over there.
(Jadzia plays the theme from "The Inner Light" at Ludicrous Speed)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

Derek Dean is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.