By Derek Dean
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 3:55 PM GMT

See Also: 'Babel' Episode Guide

People: WAAH! We're stuck in the airlock!
O'Brien: If I let you out, will you stop whining about how behind schedule I am in my repairs?
People: No.
O'Brien: In that case: darn, can't seem to fix it.
People: HEY!

Jaheel: You said you'd fix my ship. I want it fixed now!
O'Brien: Sure thing. While I'm fixing it, why don't you wait in that airlock?
Jaheel: I don't think so.
O'Brien: Nuts.

Sisko: Hey! I asked for "Coffee, black" and got "Tea, Earl Grey, hot"!
O'Brien: Captain Picard wouldn't have complained.
Sisko: I'm not Picard.
O'Brien: Indeed not. You're much easier to provoke.

Patron: Quark! This soup tastes like turpentine!
Quark: That's funny. It ought to taste like rat droppings.
Odo: Ha ha! Your replicators are broken. Too bad you don't have a fixed one like they do on the command level.
Quark: They are? Mwahahahaha!
Odo: I smell trouble.

Jadzia: Neat! I'm a woman again.
Kira: I would've thought an old man might have trouble being in a young woman's body.
Jadzia: Perhaps, but now I can go where no man has gone before: the women's restroom!

Kira: So, Chief, how're the repairs coming?
O'Brien: They're brillig and the slithy toves are gyre and gimble in the wabe.
Kira: Grrr. I can see where this episode is going and I don't like it.

Bashir: O'Brien's suffering from aphasia. He says different words than he means to say.
Sisko: Shouldn't the Universal Translator be able to compensate?
Bashir: Hey, that's a good point. Then I guess the disease is going to have to be terminal as well.
Sisko: Me and my big mouth.

Sisko: Dax, you'll have to take over for Chief.
Jadzia: All mimsy were the borogroves and the momeraths outgrabe.
Sisko: Not like that, silly!
Kira: At least we know Chief wasn't faking to get out of work.

Patron: Quark, this soup is delicious!
Odo: I smell a rat.
Quark: That's probably just his soup.

Quark: Computer, make me a root beer.
Computer: Zap! You're a root beer!
Odo: Zap! I was a cart!
Quark: Crap.

Bashir: These redshirts have been affected....
Redshirts: Beware the Jabberwock! The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Sisko: Ha ha! Sucks to be them.
Bashir: ...and your son.
Jake: Beware the Jub-Jub bird and shun the frumious Bandersnatch.
Sisko: Sucks to be me.

Sisko: So who created this virus?
Bashir: Well, if you arrange the base pairs like this, it reads "Hacked by Bajorans."
Sisko: Why didn't our anti-virus software filter it out?
Bashir: I forgot to buy the latest update.

Surmak Ren: (over the comm) Yes?
Kira: Are you responsible for the plague over here?
Surmak: Um, no?
Kira: I'll take that as a yes.

Jaheel: (over the comm) Just to create some tension, I'm going to take off, hosers.
Sisko: All right, Odo. We need to take our vorpal sword in hand, long time the manxome foe we sought.
Odo: Sigh. I smell a character development moment for me.

Surmak: (over the comm) Um, Surmak Ren cannot come to the, uh, comm right now. Please leave a message.
Kira: Nice try, Ren, but you're not fooling anyone. Energizing.

Odo: Jaheel is tearing the station apart with his ship.
Quark: Wouldn't his ship just pull the whole station along with him?
Odo: No time for logic! Just beam me over there.

Surmak: Fortunately, your doctor is a genius and I only have to press the enter key to find the cure.
Kira: Then I'll just rest by the Tum-tum tree and stand a while in thought.

Station Log: We're healed! Frabjous Day! Callooh! Callay!

Sisko: Good to have you back, Chief. (sips coffee) What? Earl Grey! Chief!
O'Brien: Sorry, Commander. I'll fix it right away. You can wait over there in that airlock.
(The station falls apart at Ludicous Speed.)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

Derek Dean is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.