Site Columns

By Christian
November 19, 2000 - 10:49 PM

Hello World!

Why wasn't I born into this world as an aristocrat? I would have had such an incredible amount of hilarious stories to tell, I'd never be without inspiration for 'Hello World!' anymore.

At a family event, my grandmother suggested we go to an 'Autumn Gift Fair' she'd read about, taking place in a restaurant in a nearby town. Expecting it to be one of those events where little old ladies sell hand-made cards and garden gnomes are offered by men often looking exactly like their merchandise, I went along, and instead ended up at a small castle with the highest concentration of snobs in the area. Instead of gnomes, some of the gifts on sale included antique chairs from Paris, starting at 3000 guilders a piece for the child-size format, Landrover Cherokees and special Callaway/Ray-Ban golf-sunglasses ("for if you *really* want to be noticed on the green").

Some of the conversation tidbits overheard at the event:

-"Daddy, look at the Landrover - wouldn't that be a nice car for this year?"
-"Oh, but girl, that [400-guilder] sweater is *so* 1999."
-"How cute!" (About the television/VCR combination built in a fake fireplace, delivered together with 60-minute videotape of a crackling fire)

Of course, there was also quite a bit of conversation between the public and the incredible servient salesmen, who for some reason never approached any of us - I suppose all those people have a sixth sense for which people are snobs and which people aren't, as at the entire event we might as well have been invisible, with absolutely no one speaking to us.

In the end, I was incredibly happy to be away from there, but I wouldn't have wanted to have missed this for the world - that one hour should give me enough imitation material for every party over at least the next three months.

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