Waking MomentsBy Colin 'Zeke' Hayman
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 2:12 PM GMT
See Also: 'Waking Moments' Episode Guide
Torres: Where the heck were you?
Paris: Nightmare. I dreamt my piloting skills had been replaced with Chakotay's.
Chakotay: I dreamt about a spooky alien.
Janeway: Me too!
Paris: And me! Hey, where's Harry?
Chakotay: Don't sweat it, he's probably just brutally injured again.
Janeway: Did you dream about the spooky alien too?
Janeway: Were you naked at the time?
Tuvok: Yes. Stop that!
Janeway: We can't wake up Harry.
Doc: I can't wake up these guys either. Word of advice: stay awake.
Janeway: Anybody recognize this guy?
Janeway: Look for him, and don't fall asleep.
Chakotay: I have a plan. Basically, I fall asleep and hope I can wake up again.
Janeway: Sounds good.
Doc: This is a really stupid plan, you know. Ready to start?
Alien: You guys suck. We'll kill you in your sleep.
Chakotay: Bite me. I can wake up whenever I want.
Alien: In that case, here's how to leave our space. Bye!
Janeway: Did it work?
Chakotay: No, but at the moment I conveniently think so.
Tuvok: Now leaving Evil Alien territory, Captain.
Janeway: Good. What a happy ending!
Seven: Glad you're up, Harry. Come help me with this Jeffries tube.
Kim: Excuse me while I bolt.
Torres: Hey Harry! Did your dream involve, say, Seven seducing you?
Kim: Um...hey Tuvok! Did your dream involve, say, showing up on the bridge naked?
Tuvok: Um...hey Captain! I could really use a convenient red alert.
Janeway: You got it. Red Alert!
Alien: Hi guys!
Chakotay: Hey, you said we could go! Liar, liar, pants on fire!
Alien: Bite me. I've got your ship.
Janeway: We need a distraction, preferably one that gets Harry beat up.
Seven: Got it, Captain.
Chakotay: Hey, the moon! Bye, everybody.
Doc: You're awake! That makes one of you.
Chakotay: Geez, I take one little nap and look what happens. Let's go beat up the sleeping aliens.
Janeway: I've got a plan. Seven, create a distraction.
Kim: Oh great, here we go again....
Torres: Uh oh! The warp core's about to go boom!
Janeway: Let's get out of here! On second thought, I think I'll go boom too.
Janeway: See? It wasn't real.
Tuvok: Bad captain! No biscuit!
Doc: Wake up, stupid!
Chakotay: Aw, Doc, just five more minutes....
Janeway: We're invincible, guys. Let's go kill stuff.
Alien: You know, your real bodies are screwed.
Chakotay: Yep, the aliens are here. I think I'll wake one up.
Doc: But you'll fall asleep!
Chakotay: That's okay. I've got a backup plan.
Doc: Does it involve me blowing you up?
Chakotay: Lucky guess.
Alien: Hey, you woke me up!
Chakotay: Yep. Goodnight!
Alien: Ha ha! Bad Guys 1, Chakotay 0!
Chakotay: More like a tie. You're about to blow up.
Alien: In that case, you can all go. Bye now!
Chakotay: We won, but now I'm afraid of sleep.
Doc: Sucks to be human.
Chakotay: Oh, shut up.
(Voyager flies off at Ludicrous Speed)
Colin 'Zeke' Hayman is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.