Time and AgainBy Colin 'Zeke' Hayman
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 1:34 PM GMT
See Also: 'Time and Again' Episode Guide
Paris: Hurry up, the Delaney twins are waiting.
Kim: Not interested.
Paris: Come on -- if you don't start having romances, you'll never get to star in "The Disease."
Kim: This is a bad thing?
Janeway: Oof! Hey, a shockwave!
Tuvok: Yep. Came from that planet.
Janeway: It's still emitting harmful radiation, so let's go towards it.
Janeway: What do you know about this planet?
Kes: I know they're all dead.
Janeway: Wow -- it sucks down here.
Neelix: Don't worry, your vision was probably just a bad dream.
Kes: Sorry, Neelix, this ain't "Waking Moments."
Paris: Whoa! Time just played a really weird trick on me.
Torres: The tricorder says he's telling the truth, oddly enough.
Tuvok: In that case, you two are probably about to be sucked back in time. Bye!
Kid: AAAA! Those people appeared out of nowhere!
Official: Liar. Go home, kid.
Paris: Uh oh -- looks like the planet blows up tomorrow.
Janeway: Well, at least we have these local clothes.
Paris: Wait -- the store's selling two Starfleet uniforms now! I want one.
Torres: We can get them out, but they'll have to do a technobabble thing first.
Doctor: Let me get this straight -- you two are unknown aliens, there's an entire Maquis crew aboard, and the captain is missing? I really hate this ship.
Paris: Prime Directive, schmime directive. I say we mess with them.
Janeway: No, that would prevent us from being blown up.
Protesters: You guys suck!
Power Plant Guards: No, you do!
Paris: Looks like a bitter environmentalist feud.
Janeway: Let's accidentally take sides.
Kim: This should work, but it's really hard to do.
Chakotay: Let's just hope those two don't get captured by protesters or something.
Janeway: We're from Calto Province. That's our story and we're sticking to it.
Makull: Liars. Tie 'em up, boys.
Kes: Whoa! I'm getting a weird vibe.
Kim: And look at these melted communicators! They must be dead!
Tuvok: Not necessarily. Besides, look on the bright side -- melting's not such a bad way to go.
Janeway: We're not lying.
Terla: This little kid says you are, so you must be.
Paris: Nice reasoning.
Terla: I thought so.
Makull: You spies creep me out. I think I'll blow up the planet a day earlier.
Kes: Hey, I sense Janeway.
Janeway: Hey, I sense Kes.
Janeway: Forget it. By the way, he and I are actually space aliens from the future who got sucked back in time after discovering the debris of your polaric explosion.
Makull: I'd call you a liar if I knew what you were talking about.
Chakotay: (over the comm) Hi, guys! We're ready to save you now.
Makull: Fat chance. Get those badges off them and let's blow this joint.
Chakotay: Aw, nuts.
Paris: I thought we weren't supposed to break the Prime Directive.
Janeway: We already did, so now we can do it as much as we want.
Makull: Lie to this guard or we'll kill the kid.
Janeway: I can deal with that. Hey guard, I'm a hostage.
Makull: Die, guard! Somebody kill the kid!
Makull: The other kid.
Janeway: Stop, you idiots! You're going to blow up the planet!
Makull: That would only happen if you fired that thing.
Janeway: Your point being?
Chakotay: Okay, let's do this thing!
Terla: Yikes! A portal!
Makull: They're trying to rescue you again!
Janeway: Oh no they don't! BANZAI!
Makull: Uh oh....
Kes: Oh good, the planet guys aren't dead. Anybody else getting a weird sense of déjà vu?
Kes: Oh well.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed -- again)
Colin 'Zeke' Hayman is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.