RememberBy Marc Richards
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 1:59 PM GMT
See Also: 'Remember' Episode Guide
Captain's Log: We are giving a group of Enarans a lift back to their home world. Some members of my crew are nervous about having alien telepaths aboard, but I have no doubt that they're much nicer people than the Ullians are reputed to be.
Mirell: B'Elanna, dear, I think Harry would like to spend some time alone with Jessen.
Torres: Big deal. Harry always drools like that when he meets a pretty young woman -- but believe me, he's too much of a klutz to even get past first base.
Mirell: Are you sure? When I was Jessen's age, I certainly would have fallen for a handsome young man like him.
Torres: Trust me on this. If Harry thinks he's going to spend a hot time with her tonight, he's dreaming in technicolour.
Torres: Oh, Dathan....
Dathan: Oh, Korenna....
Torres: Oh, Dathan!
Dathan: Oh, Korenna!
Torres: OH, DATHAN!
Chakotay: Hey, B'Elanna....
Torres: WHAT? Who's B'Elanna, you two-timing... (opens an eye) ...oh. Uh, sorry about that, Chakotay. Did I just sleep past the start of my duty shift?
Chakotay: I'm not sure "sleep" is quite the right word, but it'll be less of a blot in your reprimand file than some of the alternatives.
Chakotay: Are you feeling all right, B'Elanna? This is the second morning in a row you've overslept.
Torres: I'm fine! I was just, uh, reading a biography of Anna Rosmus, that's all, and the book was so interesting that it kept me up all night.
Chakotay: Well next time, do something so dull that it'll put you right to sleep -- like watching a water polo game. Now straighten your baldric and report to your station.
Brel: Would you like to learn to play this Enaran instrument, Captain? I can implant a copy of my musical training and experience directly into your mind.
Janeway: Really? Your people's ability to transfer knowledge to each other like this must have given your culture unique characteristics over the centuries.
Brel: Indeed. For instance, it's safe to say that no student in the universe crams for an exam quite as efficiently as an Enaran student does.
Chakotay: Nice party, Neelix. I'll have something to eat as soon as I've washed my hands.
Neelix: The Enarans have the final solution to that little problem. Here...rub these metal balls between your palms. They release a hydrocarbon-based disinfectant.
Chakotay: These people have some pretty impressive technology. What do they call this germicide?
Neelix: "Ethylic cleansing."
Jareth: Korenna, I've told you to stop seeing Dathan. It isn't good for an impressionable young lady to hang around with his kind of people.
Torres: You're wasting your time, Dad. All you're going to accomplish is to drive my relationship with Dathan into the closet.
Jareth: Speaking of which, I'd like to have a peek in there. I thought I just heard some noise.
Torres: No! You can't look inside! It's...uh, really messy.
Jareth: (sigh) Where did I fail? My own daughter not only fraternizes with Regressives, she also grows up to be a slob.
Torres: These weird erotic dreams of mine aren't only exciting and incredibly realistic, they're connected. It's as if they form a story that's headed towards some kind of climax.
Chakotay: Lucky you.
Torres: I mean "conclusion."
Janeway: My chief engineer is being affected by telepathically implanted memories.
Brel: That's impossible. We have a strict ethical code of niceness which forbids such mental violations. At most, she is simply picking up random thoughts from our group.
Torres: I don't buy that. The dreams are structured into a coherent and utterly gripping narrative.
Brel: Perhaps you just have a subconscious talent for storytelling. Have you ever considered becoming a romance novelist?
Torres: Why are the Regressives being resettled?
Jareth: It's for their own good. Since they reject the use of modern technology, we're sending them to a distant island where they'll be free to live exactly the way they want -- like dirty, primitive savages.
Torres: But if this is all voluntary, why are they being put aboard locked transports?
Jareth: To make sure that nobody else takes their place. The island they're going to is so idyllic that if we didn't take these precautions the rest of our citizens would all try to get aboard too.
Torres: So you're the one responsible for my dreams! These are your memories I've been reliving!
Mirell: Yes. But the others found out what I was doing, so they attacked me.
Torres: I've got to get you to Sickbay.
Mirell: No. I have to give you the rest of my katra before I die.
Torres: I didn't know katras could be transferred on an installment plan. Vulcans only use the wholesale method.
Mirell: How unsophisticated. GAK!
Torres: Dathan says that his people are being exterminated, not resettled.
Jareth: He's lying to you, sweetie, and you shouldn't trust him. He doesn't really love you. In fact, I think he'd even be capable of calling out some other woman's name during a moment of passion with you.
Torres: You may have a point there. Let's go to my closet and see what that two-timer has to say for himself.
Jareth: My scales prove that this man weighs the same as a duck, and therefore that he's....
Crowd: A Regressive! Burn him, burn him!
Jareth: And what do we burn apart from Regressives?
Torres: More Regressives!
Dathan: (sigh) Like father, like daughter. GAK!
Torres: And so, children, the Regressives went away to the nice island we gave them, but because they didn't believe in progress and good hygiene they all got sick and died. Can anyone tell me what the moral of this sad story is?
Child: Yes. Always wash your hands with germicide before dinner.
Torres: Very good. And remember that those who fail to learn the lessons of history are doomed to repeat grade school.
Torres: Murderers! You wiped out an entire people, then you lied about what happened so that the knowledge of your crimes would be hidden forever -- even from yourselves!
Brel: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Torres: See what a good job you did?
Torres: It's hopeless. None of your people want to listen to me and Captain Janeway says that we can't interfere with your culture by making an issue of this.
Jessen: I have a proposal. Would you be prepared to give me Korenna Mirell's katra so that I can check out her story for myself?
Torres: Yes, but promise me that if you believe Korenna you'll build a telepathic memorial monument that will make anyone who walks past it relive the story of what happened to her.
Jessen: It's a deal.
(Jessen downloads Korenna's memories at Ludicrous Speed)
Marc Richards is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.