RelativityBy IJD GAF
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 2:40 PM GMT
See Also: 'Relativity' Episode Guide
Admiral Patterson: 'Sup, here's Voyager five years ago.
Janeway: What's the point of this setting?
Janeway: Oh. Anyway, what's Seven doing here?
Seven: Quiet, you. You don't know me yet, remember?
Janeway: Right, right...different setting....
Janeway: So Seven -- err, I mean Ensign -- what do you think of the ship?
Seven: I saw better when I was Bor--err, I mean, it's nice...
Patterson: Here's the EMH.
Doc: Wasn't I first activated after we were in the Delta Quadrant?
Janeway: Quiet, you. This episode has about the same amount of continuity as a campaign promise.
Carey: Hi, I'm Carey. You're hot.
Seven: Who are you?
Carey: Oh, its okay, none of the crew's supposed to know you yet. I get the act.
Seven: No, I mean who the hell are you? I've never seen you before, and I've been a regular for two years!
Seven: Found the bomb. I'm gonna try to remove it and make sure the whole crew knows it too.
Janeway: What seems to be the problem, Generic Extra?
Carey: For God's sake, I'm Joe Carey! Don't you remember me? Anyway, according to the scans, some former Borg is messing with the systems.
Patterson: Should we go check it out?
Janeway: Ehh, might as well.
Seven: Gotta go, hurry up!
Ducane: (over the comm) Trying to, but...there's...too...much....technobabble....
Braxton: Make her come back.
Ducane: Can't. The technobabble is so thick she would suffocate.
Janeway: Too late...oh well. By the way, what causes a guakitron level of .003?
Patterson: I dunno, but I bet you'll conveniently remember it throughout the episode.
Ducane: Here she comes. Oops, she died. Told you, told you. Nyaa nyaa.
Braxton: Meh, we've got the biggest reset button in the history of time travel reset buttons.
Ducane: Yeah, that's true, but isn't the technobabble a problem?
Braxton: Who came up with this stupid rule? Oh well, just get her again.
Paris: Hey Seven, let's go play ping-pong.
Seven: No. On second thought, yes.
Paris: Wow, you're boring.
Doc: What's wrong?
Janeway: I dunno, but it's not space sickness.
Doc: Lemme check...it's space sickness.
Janeway: But I don't get space sickness. Could it just be a coincidence?
Doc: This being a time travel episode...yeah, probably just a coincidence.
Neelix: Wow, ping-pong is exciting!
Paris: Has anyone told you you're annoying? Anyway, why'd the ball just stop in mid-air?
Seven: My bet is on time technobabble. Anyone else?
Neelix: Hey, Doc. Some generic extra's sick.
Doc: 'Kay, coming...where's Carey?
Neelix: Who? The generic extra is over there. Oh look, he's gagging.
Doc: Uh oh, there's a time difference. It's not daylight savings time, is it?
Chakotay: We're screwed.
Janeway: Don't worry, I have a plan that won't work.
Seven: There's the problem. It's a temporal explosion thingy.
Torres: Captain, it's a time bomb!
Janeway: Okay, that was just stupid. Oh well, we're about to explode anyway...
Kim: I'm detecting a guakitron level of .003!
Janeway: That's funny, I conveniently remember that...
Braxton: 'Sup, we need your help to make Voyager not go boom.
Seven: Just one question. Why do you look different?
Braxton: Continuity schmontinuity.
Ducane: For some reason, we can hide your implants with this.
Seven: My implants? But without my implants the fanboys...oh, you mean the Borg implants.
Kim: Reading a guakitron level of .003!
Janeway: Have you said anything else this episode? Oh well, let's check it out.
Chakotay: But aren't we in the middle of a battle?
Seven: 'Sup, you don't recognize me.
Janeway: Yes I do.
Seven: Crap! Oh well, I need your help.
Seven: Whoa! If you're planting the bomb in Season 2, how come it was already on the ship before it was launched?
Braxton: Dunno. We figured that if we screwed up continuity with other episodes, it was okay to screw it up within the episode too. Now I'm leaving!
Seven: Lemme follow him.
Braxton: How 'bout if you chase me around the Voyager from the earlier show?
Seven: Why are we back at the ping-pong game? It was boring enough the first time! Oh well, I'll shoot you a couple times, nothing will happen, and you'll run away.
Braxton: 'Kay, I'm gone!
Seven: Hi, other Seven, gotta go! Do me a favor and chase him.
Seven: All right. This might be a little confusing, but the next scene's worse!
Seven: Seven to Seven, 'sup?
Seven: Got 'em.
Seven: That was easy...there he goes. Later!
Ducane: Finally, a non-Seven line! 'Sup Braxton, you suck, go to jail.
Braxton: Can I pass go and collect $200?
Ducane: 'Sup Janeway, we need your help to push this really big reset button...
Janeway: Why me?
Ducane: Don't ask me, I guess the writers thought it would be cool. Anyway, later!
Janeway: You're arrested.
Braxton: Crap, crap, crapcrapcrapcrap....
Ducane: Thanks, don't talk about this. Oh, and Braxton was right, you suck.
Janeway: 'Kay, later.
(Janeway and Seven beam back at Ludicrous Speed)
IJD GAF is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.