NemesisBy IJD GAF
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 2:10 PM GMT
See Also: 'Nemesis' Episode Guide
Vori Soldier: Hey you, freeze!
Soldier: Woah, where'd you go? All I see are trees for miles on end!
Chakotay: (moves head)
Soldier: Woah, there you are! Okay, don't freeze, 'cause you blend in with the rest of the wood in this forest. But don't try anything!
Chakotay: Very funny; it better not go like this all parody long.
Soldier: Trust me, we've got something far more clever in store for you.
Brone: What's this? Kindling?
Soldier: I don't know, but I don't think it's the Nemesis.
Brone: Good. We abhor none but the Nemesis!
Chakotay: Is that what this little insurrection is about?
Brone: Nice guess for this being your first contact with us -- we've been fighting for generations.
Chakotay: So let's talk about this Nemesis.
Brone: We oppose the Nemesis on principle. You were shot down because you didn't show their colors. They're trying to prove their supremacy, intimidating us with their--
Chakotay: So let's talk about something else. I uh... need to go back to the crash site and see what I can salvage
Brone: Don't go out there! It's a battlefield, you'll get shot down immediately for sure!
Chakotay: Well it wouldn't be my first time today.
Rafin: Did you see any?
Chakotay: Of the Nemesis? No.
Rafin: Rumor says they're ugly, and stink of muck.
Namon: He's never seen one before, he's just a newbie.
Chakotay: Rumors are often exaggerated or unfounded.
Rafin: They burned my village and killed the entire civilian population, including my entire family.
Chakotay: Previous statement retracted.
Namon: I think we should head back now.
Chakotay: What, are you afraid to confront your "Nemesis"?
Namon: No, but all these flame wars do get a bit tiring.
Kradin: Die, you overly judgmental Vori scum!
Namon: See? GAK!
Brone: (rushes in with his contingent) Oh yeah? Well yo momma was a "Threshold" gusher!
Chakotay: Jeez, you people really need to chill.
Chakotay: I'm sorry about Namon. Your Nemesis -- the Kradin, seemed very uninspired. Very Nausicaan, but.... uglier.
Brone: He died in flames.... er, in a blaze of glory. Here, wear his clothes.
Chakotay: Wait a sec, are you trying to subtly convert me into a warrior for your anti-Nemesis jihad?
Brone: Was it that obvious?
Chakotay: Probably. Where's the nearest tree I can change behind?
Rafin: No, you're doing it wrong. To fight the Nemesis, you must learn our customs. You'll have to be whiney, unintelligible, and incredibly irrational.
Chakotay: What does that have to do with shooting clay targets?
Rafin: Stop changing the subject.
Rafin: Reporting as ordered, sir. The entire 7th contingent has been k... ki... k--
Brone: Kept? Kicked? Kissed?
Brone: Kilted? Kilned?
Rafin: Killed? Why didn't you say so? This means war!
Chakotay: Aren't we already in a war?
Rafin: You're in the war with us? Great, we could use all the help we can get!
Chakotay: Um... er... well I... I'm glad to be of service. I think.
Chakotay: Wow, what effective propaganda.
Captain's Log: Hey, remember us? The other characters? Well we found Chakotay's shuttle. Crashed. I swear, if he does this one more time.... "This" being his own episode, of course.
Janeway: What's the latest from Ambassador Treen?
Tuvok: "It may include some of these characters and either new characters or more characters from other series. That's all yet to be decided."
Janeway: Not the allegorical counterpart, the character!
Tuvok: Oh. He said something about a bunch of whiney opponents who he hoped hadn't captured Woodboy.
Janeway: Sounds probable. Keep me informed.
Penno: You have the marks of a newbie.
Chakotay: I'm not a newbie. I was on a survey mission when my shuttle crashed and--
Penno: Sounds newbie-ish enough to me....
Chakotay: Look, all I need is a means of communication to contact my ship.
Penno: Communication? We're all out of those. However, I can direct you to the nearest diversion.
Chakotay: Jeez, enough with the ruses!
Penno: You're right. You should probably spend the night here before setting out.
Chakotay: That's more like it.
Karya: Here, could you give this letter to Santa for me?
Chakotay: I doubt it, kid.
Karya: How about my dead brother then?
Chakotay: Well, okay.
Penno: Good luck on your journey.
Chakotay: Good luck as a stationary target.
Kradin Soldier: Hey you, freeze!
Chakotay: Dangit, not this again....
Tuvok: Seeing that Chakotay is probably alive, I propose we implement "Plan T".
Paris: Aw, but I wanted to infiltrate the enemy this time. Why does it always have to be Tuvok?
Janeway: Because your surname doesn't start with T, silly.
Karya: Chakotay! Save my grandfather!
Kradin: Kill her too.
Karya: Chakotay! Save me!
Kradin: Hmm, better kill them all.
Karya: Chakotay! Save us all!
Chakotay: Wow, I feel... popular!
Janeway: Better energize the ambassador and surprise the audience.
Treen: (upon materializing) Howdy!
Paris: What? You've got a part to play with this... Nemesis?
Janeway: Wow, I thought everyone had heard that rumor already.
Brone: Hey, wake up.
Chakotay: You're alive? You know, you've managed to antagonize me. I HATE the Nemesis!
Brone: Excellent. Shall we go to command and contact your ship?
Chakotay: Nah, I'd rather flame the hell out of those... those brutal powers that be.
Kradin: Hey you, freeze!
Chakotay: That is getting extremely old you know.
Kradok: It's just me, Tuvok. You've been brainwashed to oppose the Nemesis!
Chakotay: Lies! The Nemesis is evil, monstrous.... Unoriginal!
Kruvok: Just lower your weapon so we can learn the danger of hate.
Chakotay: First, prove you're really Tuvok.
Tuvok: How's this?
Chakotay: Good enough.
Captain's Log: Leave it to Robert Beltran's character to become a basher....
Doctor: As far as I can tell, you've been subjected to a simulation.
Chakotay: You mean Nemesis didn't kill my friends?
Chakotay: Nemesis didn't execute entire villages?
Doctor: Doubtful. Then again, I haven't seen it... er, them... yet.
Neelix: Commander! I'd like to introduce you to Ambassador Treen.
Chakotay: I'm sorry, but it's harder to stop hating than to start.
Treen: Then you won't be attending our complimentary screening?
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)
IJD GAF is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.