The Trek Nation TrekToday 'Enterprise' Episode Guide The Trek BBS

Submit News Also a CSI fan? Then visit CSIFiles.com! XML
Natural Law
Sep 2 - Keep up to date at TrekToday.com!
Trek Nation will no longer carry updated news

Aug 29 - Retro Review: Hero Worship
A young boy who is the sole survivor of a disaster that killed his parents decides to emulate Data.

Aug 21 - Retro Review: New Ground
Worf's human mother brings his son Alexander on board, insisting that she can no longer raise the boy.

Aug 14 - Retro Review: A Matter of Time
When a visitor from a future era arrives on the ship, Picard asks for assistance about how to save a dying planet.

July 31 - Retro Review: Unification, Part Two
Picard learns the reason for Spock's visit to Romulus: an attempted reunification of the Vulcan and Romulan races.

July 17 - Retro Review: Unification, Part One
Shocked to learn that Spock may have defected to the Romulans, Picard and Data cross the Neutral Zone in to find him.

July 10 - Retro Review: The Game
When an interactive game becomes addictive to the crew, Wesley Crusher and his new girlfriend must save the day.

June 20 - Retro Review: Disaster
Troi must take command of the ship while Picard struggles to work with three children and Worf delivers Keiko's baby.

June 6 - Retro Review: Silicon Avatar
A scientist pursuing the Crystalline Entity discovers that Data's brain holds her son's memories.

May 30 - Retro Review: Ensign Ro
A court-martialed Starfleet officer from occupied Bajor is sent to help locate a terrorist leader.

May 23 - Retro Review: Darmok
Picard is exiled with the leader of an alien race who speaks in incomprehensible metaphors.

May 15 - Retro Review: Redemption, Part Two
Picard discovers that Tasha Yar's Romulan daughter is influencing the Klingon civil war.

May 9 - Retro Review: Redemption, Part One
When Picard is asked as Arbiter of Succession to oversee Gowron's installation, Worf resigns from Starfleet to fight against the Duras family.

May 2 - Retro Review: In Theory
Data creates a romantic subroutine to experiment with love.

Apr 24 - Retro Review: The Mind's Eye
LaForge is kidnapped and altered by Romulans to take part in an assassination plot against a Klingon governor.

 
By Colin 'Zeke' Hayman
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 3:00 PM GMT

See Also: 'Natural Law' Episode Guide

Seven: Flying in a shuttle with you...sigh. I hate contractual obligations.
Chakotay: Quiet! I'm trying to think of a clever new way to crash.
Seven: Will a big energy barrier do?
Chakotay: Nicely.

Officer: (over the comm) Hey, you! Pull over, you just ran a green light!
Paris: I knew I should've checked which colour was "go" on this planet.

Chakotay: Wow, I'm impressed! Usually the shuttle's pieces don't scatter this far.
Seven: I'm detecting some aliens. Let's go.
Chakotay: Okay. OW! My leg!
Seven: If it breaks, do I get to shoot you?

Paris: Piloting lessons? NOOOOOOOO!
Janeway: I could probably stop this in some way, but I'd rather laugh at you.

Chakotay: Cavemen! Cool!
Seven: You're easily impressed. Now I must go -- try not to get captured.
Chakotay: Sure, whatever.

Seven: Seven to Chakotay, I found the gizmo. Chakotay? Hello? You'd better not be stoned on the job again....

Chakotay: Why have you cool cavemen stoned my communicator?
Caveman: Oog.
Chakotay: "Oog"?
Caveman: Look, gestural communication doesn't translate well to a textual medium. So "oog" is how we'll play it. Savvy?

Seven: Release the wooden boy now!
Chakotay: Relax, they're nice cavemen -- hey! What did you just call me?

Kim: Ha ha ha! This time you're the chump, not me! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Paris: Die.

Seven: I need to go find another gizmo. You can't come, you'd mess up my hubris.
Chakotay: Okay. I've been learning their sign language.
Seven: What's the gesture for "I pity you, you pathetic fool?"
Chakotay: A fist to the chops.
Seven: Okay. Hold still for a sec....

Instructor: Hi. My name is Kleg.
Paris: "Kleg"? Are you sure you're not one of the cavemen?

Chakotay: Why are you all getting tattoos like mine?
Caveman: Oog.
Chakotay: Good point.

Seven: My, it's chilly out here. Thanks for the blanket, little girl.
Cavegirl: Oog.
Seven: Excuse me?
Cavegirl: Oog.
Seven: Um, okay.
Cavegirl: You weren't listening when we explained about the "oog" thing, were you?

Paris: Can I blame the accident on the Flyer?
Instructor: No.
Paris: Can I blame it on...um...Tuvok?
Tuvok: (over the comm) You're fired.
Paris: Hey, that's cheating!

Chakotay: What happened to Seven?
Caveman: Oog.
Chakotay: OW! You know, I've had quite enough of the "pathetic fool" gesture.

Seven: Woo hoo! I found the rest of the shuttle! Now I just have to keep Chakotay out of it....

Janeway: Chakotay and Seven haven't reported in. What do we do?
Tuvok: Well, we could always quit while we're ahead.

Barus: ...and then the aliens set up that barrier and skeedaddled.
Janeway: Mind if we destroy it?
Barus: Don't you have a Prime Directive or something?
Janeway: We're planning to remember that later.

Seven: Round up some cavemen, we need to move the shuttle debris.
Chakotay: Don't we have a Prime Directive or something?
Seven: It's just one gripe after another with you, isn't it?

Torres: Okay, let's try to bring down the barrier. Fire!
Janeway: OW! Your trick backfired on us!
Torres: I blame Tuvok.
Tuvok: (over the comm) You're fired.
Torres: Remind me to kill him.

Seven: Okay, let's try to bring down the barrier. Fire!
Chakotay: It worked! Ha ha! Chakotay 1, Voyager 0! No, wait, that doesn't work....

Chakotay: Those cavemen did a good job with my leg, eh?
Doc: They're called the Ventu. You do know that, right?
Chakotay: Um...oog.

Barus: Get lost, bimbo, we Bad Aliens are doing some exploitation now.
Seven: Hmm. This complicates matters, Ralph.
Barus: My name's not Ralph!
Seven: My name's not "bimbo."

Janeway: So you want us to put the barrier back up?
Chakotay: It's the only way the cavemen can remain cool.
Seven: Pinocchio's right.
Chakotay: Thanks, Sev--hey, wait a minute!

Janeway: Hey Harvey, we've decided to remember the Prime Directive now.
Barus: My name is Barus!
Janeway: Yeah, but it's a stupid name.
Barus: That's it, you're going down!

Janeway: (over the comm) Tom, go do our work for us!
Paris: Those wimpy little ships took out your transporters? Man, somebody was snoozing at Tactical.
Tuvok: (over the comm) You're--
Paris: I know, I know.

Janeway: We win. In your face, Schlepp.
Barus: You think you're so tough, with your wooden first officer and your comm-policing security chief and your Borg bimbo....
Kim: Don't forget the loser at Ops!
Barus: Yeah, you too.

Chakotay: Sorry for making you miss the conference, Seven.
Seven: That's okay, you can make it up to me by wearing this "Behold the Incredible Talking Wooden Man" sign for a week or so.
Chakotay: You drive a hard bargain.
Seven: Oog.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.


Colin 'Zeke' Hayman is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.

- Today's News
- Archives
- Submit News
 
- Link to us
- Contact Us
- FAQ
- Disclaimer
 
- Trek Nation

- TrekToday

- Trek BBS
- ST: Hypertext

Visit Amazon.com
 
All original content copyright © 1999-2005 by the Trek Nation and Christian Höhne Sparborth. The Trek Nation and its subsidiary sites are in no way affiliated with Paramount Pictures, Inc. Star Trek ®, in all its various forms, is a trademark of Paramount Pictures. All other trademarks and copyrights are the property of their respective holders. Please read the extended copyright notice.