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The Trek Nation - Memorial

Memorial

By Kira
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 2:46 PM GMT

See Also: 'Memorial' Episode Guide

Kim: This camping trip sucks!
Chakotay: It's not our fault. We didn't even invite you -- you stowed away in the cargo hold!
Kim: I still reserve the right to complain.
Janeway: (over the comm) Hey guys, welcome ba-- ugh. What's that odor?
Paris: Ha! I told you she'd be able to smell you guys over the comm. You all owe me five bucks.

Torres: Look what I got you, Tom -- a television!
Paris: Wow! It's like a holodeck, but... flatter.
Torres: Also without the safety features.
Paris: Pfft. You don't need safety features on a television.

Television: BANG! BOOM! RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!
Paris: Hm. This t.v. is nice and all, but I wish I had surround sound.
Battle: BANG! BOOM! RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!
Paris: Not exactly what I had in mAAAAAAAAA!

Kim: ...and then all of a sudden I just started hyperventilating in the Jeffries tube. It was strange.
Doc: Sounds to me like you have a case of being a huge wuss.
Kim: You're just mad I didn't let you stow away in my pocket to come on our camping trip.

Neelix: Chopping vegetables with a big knife makes Neelix something something.
Naomi: Cook dinner?
Neelix: Um, no.
Naomi: Really hungry?
Neelix: No.
Naomi: It doesn't? You're crazy.
Neelix: Don't mind if I do!

Chakotay: Stop! You're firing on civilians! We were just supposed to evacuate them, not shoot them.
Saavdra: It's not my fault they all have big bullseyes on them.
Nakan 1: I told you getting those jackets was a bad idea.
Nakan 2: Oh, shut up and die tragically already.

Tuvok: I believe Mr. Neelix is hallucinating. He insists that his clothes are "just a fashion statement."
Chakotay: I'll take it from here, Tuvok. (ahem) Neelix, we're very sorry we mistook your jackets for bullseyes. It won't happen again.
Neelix: Fine, but I'm keeping Naomi away from Tuvok.
Tuvok: Mr. Neelix, I am not responsible for Starfleet policy in hostage situations.
Naomi: "Let's shoot the hostage"?
Tuvok: I didn't say it was a good policy.

Janeway: I should've known I couldn't send the four of you on an away mission without you screwing it up. What happened?
Paris: I remember now! We were involved in an alien war!
Janeway: Breaking the Prime Directive? That's my boy!
Kim: And we killed a bunch of innocent colonists!
Janeway: Harry, I'm shocked and apalled.
Kim: But we all --
Janeway: No time for excuses, Harry -- we need a torturous flashback.

Paris: We've got the colonists rounded up, sir.
Chakotay: Good work. Are you sure you got them all?
Nakan Colonists: Die, scum! DIE! DIE! DIEDIEDIE--
Paris: Um... no?

Kim: AAAAAAAAAA! DIEDIEDIE!
Nakan Man: Please don't hurt us, Mr. Wussy Soldier sir.
Kim: Hey, is that a knife?
Nakan Woman: No, it's a sp--
Kim: Looks like a knife. (ZAP!)
Nakan Man: GAK!
Kim: Oops. It was just a spoon.
Nakan Woman: I see you've played knifey-spoony before.

Captain's Log: Just like Chakotay to run around shooting things without inviting me. Now I have to go all the way back to this planet to see what I missed. Note to self: next time, stow away in the cargo hold.

Seven: Was this man involved in the battle?
Chakotay: Nope -- he wanted to sell us edible tricorders. We bought half a dozen. They were much tastier than Neelix's chili.
Seven: I'm amazed any of you made it back alive. Was this planet involved in the battle?
Janeway: Hey, I know that planet. I wonder how that... uh oh.

Janeway: You killed the Nakan! You bastard!
Saavdra: It's not my fault my attempt to bully helpless colonists backfired. (ZAP!)
Janeway: And now you vaporized them! You ba--
Saavdra: Watch me threaten you and not care.
Janeway: When I get to Tarakis with my ship, you are
so dead.
Saavdra: You betcha!
Janeway: Funny, my threats usually don't go over quite that well....

Janeway: Aaaaaa! What happened?
Doc: You went bonkers, along with half the crew. Please note that I, unlike some Starfleet captains I could name, did not just erase your memories of the incident to restore you to convenient sanity.
Janeway: That's because you couldn't, right?
Doc: Shut up. Anyway, whatever's on this planet is making the crew go nutty. I suggest we turn around.
Janeway: Noted. Helm, set a course for Tarakis, maximum warp.
Doc: I knew I should have asked for that reverse psychology subroutine.

Chakotay: I don't get it. This all looks familiar, but where's the fighting? Where's the carnage?
Janeway: Let this be a lesson to you -- don't trust travel brochures.

Kim: The people I shot are right over there.
Tuvok: It appears that they have been dead for several hundred years.
Kim: That's odd; it seems like just yesterday.

Janeway: It looks like everything we experienced was just hallucinations caused by this memorial.
Chakotay: You mean it implanted memories in us? That's rude.
Memorial: It beats trying to actually attract visitors. When was the last time any of you visited the Alamo? Or Wolf 359?
Chakotay: I'll put it on my "Virtual Season To Do List."

Kim: I can't believe you're making us repair this thing. Why didn't we just shut it down?
Janeway: Harry, future generations have the right to learn about what you did here.
Kim: But I didn't do anything!
Janeway: That will be for history to decide, Ensign.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.


Kira is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.