Posted at December 25, 2004 - 1:52 PM GMT
See Also: 'Innocence' Episode Guide
Ensign Bennet: Hey, you're not Chakotay. Why am I dying?
Tuvok: I thought crashing a shuttle would be good practice for the next time I have to go evil.
Bennet: But -- GAK!
Tuvok: I wonder if there's any way I can get some character development out of this.
Tressa: Hi. We're three abandoned children in need of guidance and protection.
Chakotay: What's that you're carrying?
Janeway: A Magic 8 Ball. With Tuvok off the ship, I need somebody to tell me what to do.
Chakotay: Kathryn, I'm insulted. We spent all that time isolated together and you won't even take my advice?
Janeway: "Resolutions" isn’t for another three episodes, moron.
Chakotay: Objection withdrawn.
Alcia: Hi! I'm a stereotypic stubborn xenophobe who's going to thwart you at every possible step.
Janeway: Hi! I'm a pigheaded Starfleet Captain who's going to make your life miserable by stomping on all your traditions.
Corin: We're scared, Tuvok. We're nearing the end of our lives and there's a cave over there where we're supposed to die and become converted to energy.
Tressa: Quiet, you idiot, that's for later.
Corin: Uh, right. Aaaaa! There's a scary monster in that cave!
Tuvok: A monster, eh? I'd better go investigate.
Elani: Nah. That can wait until after Corin and I mysteriously disappear.
Tuvok: You kids should be more like me. Here, try meditating.
Elani: Should you be teaching us all this Vulcan stuff? What about the Prime Directive?
Tuvok: The what? Sorry, I was busy with my character development.
Elani: Never mind.
Chakotay: Everybody has returned except Tuvok. Let's beat it before he turns up.
Janeway: Nah, we'd better find him. He's marginally more interesting than my Magic 8 Ball.
Magic 8 Ball: Oh yeah? Watch this. (Ahem) Impressive. Fascinating. I suggest a mind meld.
Chakotay: I can hardly tell the difference.
Alcia: (over the comm) This moon is sacred. Please don't defile it by, say, sending a shuttle down to the surface.
Janeway: Oo! Should I do that? (shake shake shake) "Ask again later." We'll hold off on the shuttle thing.
Chakotay: I think --
Janeway: I don't recall shaking you.
Tressa: Corin and Elani have disappeared!
Tuvok: Phew. Maybe now I can have some peace and quiet.
Tressa: Hey! Aren't you worried?
Tuvok: No. I'm sure you'll disappear too before long.
Tuvok: (over the comm) Yo.
Janeway: Risk a diplomatic incident to rescue you? Whatever you say, Tuvok.
Alcia: (over the comm) If you try to rescue him, you'll be insulting all our beliefs.
Janeway: It's what I do. Prepare a shuttle.
Chakotay: I'll go.
Janeway: Hmm...should I send Chakotay? (shake shake shake) "Outlook grim." Tom, you’re with me.
Alcia: And now for the big reveal...this cute kid's an old geezer!
Tuvok: Whoa! And I thought I looked young for my age.
Janeway: Should I believe her? (shake shake shake)
Magic 8 Ball: Can't you decide anything for yourself? I might as well be running the ship.
Tressa: I have to go die now.
Tuvok: 'Kay. Mind if I come?
Chakotay: Hey, where's the Captain?
Magic 8 Ball: I give the orders around here now. Let's get out of here before Tuvok gets back.
(Will Voyager blast off at Ludicrous Speed? All signs point to yes.)
Kira is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.