InitiationsBy Katy Jane
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 1:44 PM GMT
See Also: 'Initiations' Episode Guide
First Officer's Log, Stardate The Anniversary of My Father's Death: I've decided to go AWOL and steal a shuttle. Well, that's not quite what happened, but it's probably more interesting than the real reason I'm out here.
Kazon 1: Well, will you look at that -- a Federation shuttle.
Kazon 2: Stupid Federation. I'll go blow them up.
Kazon 1: Nah... I'm going to send Kahr instead.
Kazon 2: What! That little pipsqueak? He'll get himself killed for sure.
Kazon 1: That's the whole point. Mwahahahaha!
Kazon 2: Why are you laughing evilly?
Kazon 1: I have no idea.
Chakotay: Akoochee koochee koocheemoya....
Computer: Hey! Wake up, we've got Kazon on our tail.
Chakotay: Awww, and I was just getting to the best part.
Kahr: Die Federation scum! Woohoo! This is better than a video game!
Chakotay: Stand down or I'll blow you up.
Kahr: Take that.
Chakotay: Take that!
Kahr's Shuttle: KABOOM
Neelex: I'm feeling underappreciated.
Janeway: That's nonsense. Your meals are almost edible.
Neelix: Awww... you really think so?
Chakotay: I saved your life. Ha! Chakotay 1, Kazon 0.
Computer: Correction: Chakotay 1, Kazon 1.
Chakotay: Looks like they're inviting us for dinner.
Chakotay: Take me to your leader.
Kahr: What are you doing?
Chakotay: I'm trying to help you.
Kahr: Well, I wish you'd stop.
Kim: Look! That shuttle debris spells out "The Kazon-Ogla were here."
Paris: Yeah! The Kazon killed Chakotay! Oops... I mean... uh... awww, shoot?
Janeway: Don't celebrate just yet, Lieutenant, we don't know for sure. Follow that ion trail.
Kazon 1: I hate you on the basis of your uniform.
Chakotay: That's nice.
Paris: Darn... I mean good, Chakotay's not dead.
Torres: You're getting better at that.
Kazon 1: ...and over here we have a Federation.
Kazon Children: Oooo... ahhh...
Chakotay: I'm not a violent man. I've already forgotten my days in the Maquis.
Kazon 1: Here Federation, have a gun.
Chakotay: Thanks, don't mind if I do! Let's hit the road, Jack.
Kahr: It's no Ogla name, but it'll do in a pinch.
Janeway: Hey look, another destroyed shuttle! Maybe this one is Chakotay's.
Torres: It is.
Paris: Yes! I mean darn. Wait, which one's right here?
Kahr: I'm alive?
Chakotay: Yeah, for some reason I keep saving your life.
Kahr: Well now it's my turn to save you life. Ha! Kahr 1, Federation 3. I'm catching up!
Torres: Looks like Chakotay wasn't on the shuttle after all. We think he transported to that moon.
Janeway: I suppose we should go after him. Neelix, you have the bridge.
Kahr: I think I'll kill you now.
Chakotay: You do realize that that's the opposite of saving my life.
Kahr: Yes, but you're useless. You didn't have to earn your name. I bet you didn't even have to earn that uniform.
Chakotay: Oh, but I did! Through years of study, eating pizza, and drinking beer.
Paris: The captain's not here right now, but if you leave your name and number....
Neelix: Don't lie to them, Tom! (ahem) I am Captain Kathryn Janeway.
Kazon 1: (over the comm) You don't look much like her. In fact I think she's down on the moon. We should go investigate.
Chakotay: Can't you just join another sect?
Kahr: Each sect would cut off a finger and send me away.
Chakotay: How many sects are there?
Chakotay: Well, you don't have that many fingers, so eventually someone would have to accept you.
Janeway: Hey look, a welcoming committee.
Kazon 1: Welcome to our moon. Do mind the booby traps.
Chakotay: Okay, you can kill me now.
Kahr: Now I'm just confused.
Paris: Ready to get out of there, Chakotay?
Chakotay: Wait, I'm not dead yet!
Kazon 2: We should go this way.
Tuvok: We should go this way.
Kazon 1: The Vulcan's right.
Tuvok: The Kazon was right.
Kazon 1: Ha ha ha! Suckers!
Kahr: Change of plans.
Kazon 1: GAK!
Chakotay: I like this way even better.
Chakotay: Hey Dad. I know that it isn't your birthday anymore, and I know that my quarters aren't as solitary as a shuttle, but for some reason the captain wouldn't let me use another one. Keep an eye on me, would ya? Oh, and watch over that kid too.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)
Katy Jane is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.