Hope and FearBy Colin 'Zeke' Hayman
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 2:24 PM GMT
See Also: 'Hope and Fear' Episode Guide
Seven: I can't believe I lost to you!
Janeway: Get over it.
Chakotay: Still no luck with the secret message?
Janeway: Nope. When we do get it, it better be good.
Neelix: This convenient alien can translate anything!
Janeway: Spoken languages, or computer languages?
Arturis: Either way, I'm easy.
Janeway: That is convenient.
Arturis: Hey, a Borg! And cute, too!
Seven: Just translate the message.
Arturis: Done. Can I get back to ogling you now?
Paris: Okay, we're where the message said to go. Hey, a Starfleet ship!
Chakotay: This ship is so cool! Whoops.
Paris: All right, who let him near the flight systems?
Admiral Hayes: This ship rocks and yours doesn't, so use it to get home. Bye.
Janeway: Talkative guy.
Seven: If you ask me, you people are all idiots.
Kim: Yeah, but we didn't ask you.
Janeway: This all seems pretty convenient. Think we're getting too excited and setting ourselves up for a fall?
Captain's Log: So far, so good.
Seven's Log: I don't think so.
Seven: Won't you be in trouble if you go back to Earth?
Torres: So will you. Who cares?
Seven: I'm not coming.
Janeway: Oh yes you are.
Seven: Bite me.
Seven: Nyaa nyaa.
Janeway: Hey, I found a secret part of the secret message.
Admiral Hayes: Sorry, guys, but we suck too much to get you home. Good luck.
Seven: Boy, he really is talkative.
Janeway: You screwed us over!
Arturis: No I didn't! Um -- Seven did!
Janeway: Usually, but not this time. Take him away, boys.
Arturis: Oh no you don't! Let's get this show on the road!
Janeway: Uh oh. Harry, beam everybody out, but conveniently fail to get Seven and me!
Chakotay: Follow them.
Paris: With the untested new drive? Won't we explode or something?
Kim: Nah, we'll be fine as long as Chakotay doesn't get near the pilot console.
Janeway: What did we do to deserve this?
Arturis: You got my entire species wiped out by the Borg.
Janeway: Oh, that. So what now?
Arturis: I'm going to get you wiped out by the Borg.
Janeway: I want a second opinion.
Tuvok: Here we go!
Janeway: Well, do you still want to rejoin the Borg?
Seven: Nah. They suck. And I have to admit that you don't.
Janeway: I like you too. Let's blow this joint.
Seven: Uh oh, I can't stop the ship. We're screwed!
Janeway: Maybe not. I'll try having a Compassionate Talk with the evil alien.
Janeway: Come on, stop the ship!
Arturis: Fat chance. Uh oh, those other jerks are back! I'd better shoot you.
Janeway: Too late. Bye!
Borg: We're Borg. Get assimilated. Resistance sucks.
Arturis: Aw, nuts.
Captain's Log: So much for him. Nyaa nyaa.
Seven: Nuts, I still suck.
Janeway: It's okay, nobody cares.
(Voyager blasts off at reasonably Ludicrous Speed)
Colin 'Zeke' Hayman is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.