Dragon's TeethBy JD Curran
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 2:44 PM GMT
See Also: 'Dragon's Teeth' Episode Guide
Gedrin: We'll sleep for five years, then rule the galaxy again!
Mrs. Gedrin: Wha-wha-WHAT?
Gedrin: Frankly, you could use the beauty rest.
All: Wheeee! A subspace corridor!
Paris: We're blasting off...at ludicrous speed!
Tuvok: No, wait, some aliens just slapped us out of the corridor. One of their bureaucrats is hailing us.
Turei: Die. Die. Uhm...die.
Janeway: What are our options?
Kim: We could jump back into the corridor and be home by lunchtime.
Chakotay: Or we could land on that wasted planet over there.
Janeway: Set us down, Tom.
Kim: Wow, 900-year-old ruins!
Tuvok: And life signs, too!
Janeway: Seven, Tuvok, let's go investigate.
Chakotay: Couldn't this be dangerous?
Janeway: Hey, I'm not taking expendable crewmembers, right?
Joe Carey: Whew!
Janeway: I love spelunking!
Tuvok: There are lots of threatening people sleeping in these caves.
Seven: I'll wake one up.
Janeway: Actually, I just like to say "spelunking."
Gedrin: Ugh...ohh, my head....
Tuvok: Seven, you broke the Prime Directive.
Seven: Ooh, no, the Pwime Diwective. You're such a baby.
Tuvok: Captain, do something!
Janeway: Spelunking, spelunking, spelunking! Hee hee hee! What? Oh, never mind, just take him back to Voyager.
Doc: Gedrin is fine. His people look vaguely snake-like.
Gedrin: Want an apple?
Gedrin: I'm Vaadwaur! We rock!
Janeway: But your world is destroyed.
Gedrin: Yeah. My dead wife whined about that. What an embarrassment she was.
Janeway: That's pretty heartless.
Gedrin: The Vaadwaur rock!
Gedrin: "Talaxian" is our word for "annoying."
Neelix: And "Vaadwaur" is our word for "a**hole."
Janeway: Sounds like the basis for a firm friendship.
Gedrin: Butter my toast, hedgehog.
Tuvok: The Turei are attacking. We can't return fire.
Gedrin: Sure you can! There, I just crippled them. Now, kill them off! KILL, KILL, KILL--
Janeway: Cease fire.
Gedrin: KILL, K--what, you don't kill off the weak and wounded? You suck! Can you wake up our army?
Chakotay: My people have an ominous fable.
Janeway: Oh, crap, here we go.
Chakotay: (ahem) "Some soldiers got buried, then they got dug up."
Janeway: That was mercifully short.
Gedrin: Any stories about scorpions?
Chakotay: Nothing relevant.
Gedrin, Morin, Gaul: We're Vaadwaur! We rock!
Tuvok: Seven, find a nearby planet we can settle them on.
Seven: Here's one known colloquially as "Cabrini Green."
Gaul: No way! We'll take the Turei homeworld instead.
Morin: Shh! We're saving that for later!
Gedrin: Guys, you're embarrassing me....
Naomi: The Vaadwaur suck. I hate the Vaadwaur. Don't trust the Vaadwaur.
Neelix: Hey, a bedtime story will cheer you up! Computer, suggest a story.
Computer: Available titles: "The Vaadwaur Suck." "I Hate the Vaadwaur." "Don't Trust the Vaadwaur."
Morin: Klingons rock!
Morin: The Vaadwaur rock!
Torres: That's really getting irksome.
Vaadwaur Battalion: Vaadwaur, Vaadwaur, rah! rah! rah! Vaadwaur, Vaadwaur, rah! rah! rah!
Janeway: We'll attack the Turei.
Gaul: Give us advanced weapons.
Gaul: Then suffer our wrath, like all the others!
Gedrin: Gaul, ix-nay on the ath-wray!
Gaul: I mean, we'll be good!
Gaul: Let's take over Voyager!
Gedrin: We couldn't possibly--
Gaul: If the Kazon can do it, anyone can!
Janeway: It turns out you people suck.
Gedrin: No, we only sorta suck.
Janeway: You might try to take over my ship.
Gedrin: How did you find out about-- I mean, of course we wouldn't!
Janeway: We're attacking the Turei; now you can escape.
Gaul: No, we'll attack you instead!
Janeway: Gah! The Vaadwaur are pure evil! Gene Roddenberry's optimism has failed!
Gedrin: I'll sacrifice my life to save you.
Janeway: Phew! That was close!
Gaul: We're destroying Voyager! Yippee!
Morin: Then what will we do about the Turei?
Gaul: Uh...fling charred bits of Voyager's hull at them?
Janeway: Hail the Turei.
Turei: Die. Die. Uhm...die.
Janeway: The Vaadwaur are still here.
Turei: Do they still suck?
Janeway: Like a hurricane.
Turei: Let's make nice.
Gaul: Retreat! Gedrin betrayed us but at least he's dead.
Morin: Grr. I've got a headache this big, and it's got "ex-Gedrin" written all over it.
Gaul: Do shut up.
Vaadwaur Battalion (singing): Happy traaaails to you, until we meet agaaaain....
Seven: It turns out the Prime Directive rocks.
Janeway: But thanks to you, we're certain to have many, many more encounters with the Vaadwaur.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)
JD Curran is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.