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The Trek Nation - Deadlock

Deadlock

By Kira
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 1:52 PM GMT

See Also: 'Deadlock' Episode Guide

Neelix: I suppose you've missed out on the whole "waiting on hand and foot" thing during your pregnancy since your husband is back in the Alpha Quadrant. Maybe I could help.
Ensign Wildman: That's very sweet of you, Neelix.
Neelix: Don't mention it. You can start with my broken replicator, and I'd like you to fix the thermal array. I asked Ensign Kim to look at it hours ago. And after that, maybe a foot rub would be nice.
Wildman: I think I'm having contractions.
Neelix: It's so hard to find good help these days....

Paris: This is ridiculous. What's taking so long?
Janeway: Are you forgetting the "Disaster" rule, Mr. Paris?
Paris: Yeah, yeah -- no births allowed unless there's a crisis.
Tuvok: Captain, I am detecting several Vidiian ships ahead.
Wildman: (over the comm) It's about damn time!

Wildman: Aaaaaaaaargh!
Doc: Hmm. It would appear that giving birth to a baby with horns is more difficult than I anticipated.
Kes: I'll prepare for a fetal transport.
Wildman: You mean I've been going through seven hours of labour and you could have transported this thing out of me?
Doc: No pain, no gain, Ensign.

Paris: Captain, the warp core has sprung a leak.
Janeway: Bridge to Torres -- prepare a series of proton bursts and start when I say "go."
Torres: (over the comm) We'll get right on it, Captain.
Chakotay: Way to go, B'Elanna!
(ZAP!)
Janeway: You and your big mouth.

Torres: Hurry up, Hogan. We have to seal this hull breach.
Hogan: Almost ready to go, Lieutenant.
(ZAP!)
Hogan: Gak!
Kim: You know, that joke is going to get old fast.
Torres: Oh, go away.
(ZAP! CRACK!)
Torres: Oops. Watch out for that hole in the hull there, Harry.
Kim: I'll get you for that B'ElannAAAAAAAAAAAAA....

Kes: Doctor, the baby is dead. UPN is going to kill us.
Doc: That's okay -- we'll just make her disappear and blame it on the captain.
Kes: Will that work?
Doc: You'd be surprised.

Chakotay: I've magnetized the hull; the damage has stopped.
Janeway: Phew! Good thing that's over.
Tuvok: Captain, may I remind you that Voyager is severely damaged, Ensign Kim is dead, Kes has disappeared, and the Doctor claims that Ensign Wildman's baby has mysteriously vanished.
Janeway: Always the wet blanket....

Janeway 2: I could have sworn I just saw myself enter the turbolift over there.
Kim 2: And sensors show she's not seeing things.
Janeway 2: Keep looking for anything unusual.
Chakotay 2: You mean like the duplicate Kes that's in Sickbay?
Janeway 2: Um... yes, like that.

Torres 2: A divergence field duplicated the ship. There are two Voyagers now.
Janeway 2: So this is how we never run out of shuttles....

Kes: On my ship, Ensign Wildman's baby died.
Doc 2: You mean we got two Kesses and the baby? Go us!
Kes: We got rid of Harry.
Doc 2: Let's call it a draw.

Torres: Someone is sending us a message.
Janeway: What does it say?
Torres: "Us 3, You 1."

Torres 2: Our plan to merge the ships didn't work.
Janeway 2: Don't worry, Lieutenant -- this may be my last chance to argue with myself without being outranked.

Janeway: If I blow my ship up, things will go back to normal.
Janeway 2: That's your answer to everything.

Janeway 2: (over the comm) Captain, I think you should reconsider blowing your ship up.
Janeway: Jealousy will get you nowhere.
Paris: Captain, there's a Vidiian ship approaching.
Janeway: Great! You can blow them up. Everybody wins!
Janeway 2: Deal.
Tuvok 2: I'm afraid not, Captain. It would take several hours to restore weapons.
Janeway: Again with the wet blanket....

Kes 2: Doctor, the Vidiians are trying to break into Sickbay.
Doc 2: Quick, I'll hide the baby while you all stall the Vidiians.
Kes 2: What do we look like, doorstops?

Chakotay 2: The Vidiians are all over the ship; we're outnumbered.
Janeway 2: I guess it's time for plan B -- setting the self-destruct sequence.
Kim 2: Wasn't that plan A?
Janeway 2: Just for that, I'm not going to let you stay and watch.
Chakotay 2: Can I leave too?
Janeway 2: No.

Janeway 2: I've got good news and bad news. We've been boarded by Vidiians.
Janeway: (over the comm) What's the good news?
Janeway 2: That was the good news -- now I've got a great excuse to blow up my ship! The bad news is I'm sending you Harry.

Janeway 2: Welcome to Voyager. Let me be the first to say, "See you in Hell, suckers."
Vidiian: Your people have very strange greetings. And what kind of a screen saver is "Auto-Destruct in 0:05"?
(BOOOOM)

Kim: Wow, I died and came back to life! Again! I must have the lives of a cat!
Janeway: And you're going to need every single one.
Kim: What was that?
Janeway: Nothing, Ensign, nothing. How do you feel about shuttle missions?
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.


Kira is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.