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The Trek Nation - Darkling

Darkling

By Nic Corelli
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 2:05 PM GMT

See Also: 'Darkling' Episode Guide

Zahir: Yes. There is a region of space called the Northwest Passage, and you must avoid it at all cost. It is where powerful cybernetic life forms are waging a ruthless war against monsters from fluidic space.
Tuvok: Bahahaha! What a silly and implausible story! Like I'm going to bother my captain with that....

Torres: What you failed to realize, Doc, is that you've also added dark sides of your celebrities into your program... their darklings, if I may say.
Doc: You're right... I've been so stupid. That must have been Britney and her daftling.
Torres: And since you also have Bill Gates' dorkling, your program will start crashing unstoppably very soon.

Janeway: Oh my! Kes' boyfriend Zahir has been brutally attacked!
Tuvok: And it's very strange that the attacker left no fingerprints, no molecular residue, no organic trace whatsoever.
Janeway: It almost seems that he wasn't organic, that he was... an artificial life form.
(pause)
Janeway: So, any ideas who the attacker might have been?
Tuvok: I'm stumped.

Torres: (wakes up) Doc, what happened to me? Why do you look so angry?
Evil Doc: Bwahahaha! Surprise! I'm evil and I want to take over the world!
Torres: Hey, does this make you Dr. Evil? Ha! Haha! Bwahahahahahaha!
(THWAP!)
Torres: Ow....

Kes: Doctor! Why have you mutilated your poor holograms? Look how painfully you twisted Lord Byron's arms!
Evil Doc: Actually, Marquis De Sade did that. Now come with me, Kes -- let's escape the captivity of this ship and rule the galaxy as Doctor and Nurse!

Kes: All your efforts are futile. I will never cross to the Daft Side.
Evil Doc: Come on, Kes! Can't you see that Evil is way cooler than Good?
Kes: It is not.
Evil Doc: Oh, don't tell me you're the kind of person who roots for the wimpy Snow White, instead for the cool and stylish Evil Queen?

Chakotay: Okay, you're cornered, Doc. Let Kes go and surrender.
Evil Doc: No way! I'll jump!
Chakotay: If you surrender, we'll let you live inside the Doctor's program. By our calculations, if we delete 2% of his sarcasm subroutine, there'll be enough space for five of you.

Doc: I'm so sorry for torturing you in unimaginable ways. I promise never to tinker with my program again.
Torres: I'm glad to hear that. You've practically messed up all of your algorithms.
Doc: But I didn't know that! How many algorithms does it take, Lieutenant, before it becomes wrong?

Janeway: I'm so happy you didn't leave with Zahir, Kes. Whom would I guide on a quest towards humanity and individuality then?
Kes: Well, it's always possible you'll find a new potential daughter to raise.
Janeway: Nonsense! Who could ever replace you, Kes?
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.


Nic Corelli is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.