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The Trek Nation - Course: Oblivion

Course: Oblivion

By Colin 'Zeke' Hayman
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 2:37 PM GMT

See Also: 'Course: Oblivion' Episode Guide

Janeway: Wedding time! Do you, B'Elanna "Turtlehead" Torres, swear to die as soon as possible and inspire pathos?
Torres: I do.
Janeway: And do you, Tom "Father of my lizard children" Paris, swear to get all angsty and bitter when said death occurs?
Paris: I do.
Janeway: I now pronounce you incorrectly. You may kiss the bride, Toom.
Chakotay: That does it...next time, I perform the ceremony.

Seven: Weddings are irrelevant and futile and all the usual adjectives.
Tuvok: This one's not.
Seven: How do you figure?
Tuvok: It'll make up for leaving out the real one in "Drive."

Chakotay: With our new warp drive, we'll be home in a mere two years!
Janeway: You suck. I think we should take time to smell the roses.
Chakotay: Ah, but once you've smelled one rose, you've smelled them all. A rose is a rose is a--
Janeway: Don't even say it.

Neelix: What's so great about Earth?
Paris: It's just familiar and comfortable. Like family; you understand.
Neelix: Not really. I was cloned.
Paris: Did you just spoil the plot for the sake of a lame DS9 reference? Neelix, Neelix, Neelix....

Seven: Marriage is stupid.
Torres: Oh, you prefer the single life?
Seven: No, the polygamous life. Why settle for one husband when I can have nineteen?

Torres: Engineering seems to be melting.
Janeway: And New Orleans is sinking, but I don't wanna swim.
Torres: You're insane.

Torres: YEAAAAAGGH! Why can't it ever be Tom who gets the flesh-eating virus?

Tuvok: And now to explain why the hull and crew are going wonky. (ahem)
Janeway: Well?
Tuvok: That was it. I said it really fast under my breath and you missed it.
Janeway: You have no idea, do you?
Tuvok: ....No.

Torres: Don't worry, I'm not going to die. GAK!
Paris: So much for the marriage. Wonder if Nicoletti's free tonight?

Chakotay: Let's reminisce about past missions. Hey, remember "Demon"?
Tuvok: No, I successfully repressed the memory with a Vulcan mind technique.
Chakotay: Basically, we all got cloned.
Tuvok: Hey -- do you think maybe we're the duplicates?
Chakotay: I sure hope not. That would invite "send in the clones" jokes.

Tuvok: We're the clones.
Doc: Sure, and I'm the walrus.
Janeway: And I'm the Highlander.
Torres: No, I'm the Highlander! There can be only one!
Janeway: You're dead. Shut up.

Janeway: Janeway to all hands: turns out we're all fictional.
Neelix: Let's hear it for double entendre.

Paris: Ha! I ain't obeyin' no clone! We might as well put a blow-up doll of Janeway in command.
Kim: I have one of Seven...would that work?

Doc: We should look for the real Voyager.
Janeway: Oh, come on! In what possible way would that help us?
Doc: Well, you never know. Maybe they've discovered a cure for...um...being a rapidly-melting clone.

Janeway: A Class-Y planet! Let's land.
Alien: (over the comm) Hey! Stop that! Stop that right now!
Janeway: But we'll die if we don't land!
Alien: No dice. If we let you, we'll have to let everybody else.

Chakotay: Will you reverse course if I give you a quiet, heartfelt speech?
Janeway: No.
Chakotay: How 'bout if I die?
Janeway: Better.

Janeway: Chakotay is dead. To honour his memory, I'll tell you an ancient folktale of my people.
Paris: But you're from Indiana.
Janeway: Right. (ahem) So two guys walk into a bar, see....

Kim: Let's make a time capsule so we won't be forgotten.
Seven: And then let's let it malfunction so we will be.
Janeway: Have you two ever considered a writing career?

Seven: Uh oh -- interstellar dust!
Janeway: Anybody got an interstellar duster? GAK!
Kim: She's dead!
Seven: Let that be a lesson to us...never anger the Pun Gods.

Kim: It's the real Voyager! Quick, take us out of warp!
Seven: Uh oh...the brakes are jammed!
Kim: Then take the key out of the ignition!
Seven: Okay, here g--

Clone Voyager: FOOM

Real Tuvok: I'm detecting the wreckage of the clone Voyager, but I can't tell that's what it is.
Real Janeway: That's probably very tragic.
(The real Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.


Colin 'Zeke' Hayman is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.