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Course: Oblivion
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Aug 29 - Retro Review: Hero Worship
A young boy who is the sole survivor of a disaster that killed his parents decides to emulate Data.

Aug 21 - Retro Review: New Ground
Worf's human mother brings his son Alexander on board, insisting that she can no longer raise the boy.

Aug 14 - Retro Review: A Matter of Time
When a visitor from a future era arrives on the ship, Picard asks for assistance about how to save a dying planet.

July 31 - Retro Review: Unification, Part Two
Picard learns the reason for Spock's visit to Romulus: an attempted reunification of the Vulcan and Romulan races.

July 17 - Retro Review: Unification, Part One
Shocked to learn that Spock may have defected to the Romulans, Picard and Data cross the Neutral Zone in to find him.

July 10 - Retro Review: The Game
When an interactive game becomes addictive to the crew, Wesley Crusher and his new girlfriend must save the day.

June 20 - Retro Review: Disaster
Troi must take command of the ship while Picard struggles to work with three children and Worf delivers Keiko's baby.

June 6 - Retro Review: Silicon Avatar
A scientist pursuing the Crystalline Entity discovers that Data's brain holds her son's memories.

May 30 - Retro Review: Ensign Ro
A court-martialed Starfleet officer from occupied Bajor is sent to help locate a terrorist leader.

May 23 - Retro Review: Darmok
Picard is exiled with the leader of an alien race who speaks in incomprehensible metaphors.

May 15 - Retro Review: Redemption, Part Two
Picard discovers that Tasha Yar's Romulan daughter is influencing the Klingon civil war.

May 9 - Retro Review: Redemption, Part One
When Picard is asked as Arbiter of Succession to oversee Gowron's installation, Worf resigns from Starfleet to fight against the Duras family.

May 2 - Retro Review: In Theory
Data creates a romantic subroutine to experiment with love.

Apr 24 - Retro Review: The Mind's Eye
LaForge is kidnapped and altered by Romulans to take part in an assassination plot against a Klingon governor.

 
By Colin 'Zeke' Hayman
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 2:37 PM GMT

See Also: 'Course: Oblivion' Episode Guide

Janeway: Wedding time! Do you, B'Elanna "Turtlehead" Torres, swear to die as soon as possible and inspire pathos?
Torres: I do.
Janeway: And do you, Tom "Father of my lizard children" Paris, swear to get all angsty and bitter when said death occurs?
Paris: I do.
Janeway: I now pronounce you incorrectly. You may kiss the bride, Toom.
Chakotay: That does it...next time, I perform the ceremony.

Seven: Weddings are irrelevant and futile and all the usual adjectives.
Tuvok: This one's not.
Seven: How do you figure?
Tuvok: It'll make up for leaving out the real one in "Drive."

Chakotay: With our new warp drive, we'll be home in a mere two years!
Janeway: You suck. I think we should take time to smell the roses.
Chakotay: Ah, but once you've smelled one rose, you've smelled them all. A rose is a rose is a--
Janeway: Don't even say it.

Neelix: What's so great about Earth?
Paris: It's just familiar and comfortable. Like family; you understand.
Neelix: Not really. I was cloned.
Paris: Did you just spoil the plot for the sake of a lame DS9 reference? Neelix, Neelix, Neelix....

Seven: Marriage is stupid.
Torres: Oh, you prefer the single life?
Seven: No, the polygamous life. Why settle for one husband when I can have nineteen?

Torres: Engineering seems to be melting.
Janeway: And New Orleans is sinking, but I don't wanna swim.
Torres: You're insane.

Torres: YEAAAAAGGH! Why can't it ever be Tom who gets the flesh-eating virus?

Tuvok: And now to explain why the hull and crew are going wonky. (ahem)
Janeway: Well?
Tuvok: That was it. I said it really fast under my breath and you missed it.
Janeway: You have no idea, do you?
Tuvok: ....No.

Torres: Don't worry, I'm not going to die. GAK!
Paris: So much for the marriage. Wonder if Nicoletti's free tonight?

Chakotay: Let's reminisce about past missions. Hey, remember "Demon"?
Tuvok: No, I successfully repressed the memory with a Vulcan mind technique.
Chakotay: Basically, we all got cloned.
Tuvok: Hey -- do you think maybe we're the duplicates?
Chakotay: I sure hope not. That would invite "send in the clones" jokes.

Tuvok: We're the clones.
Doc: Sure, and I'm the walrus.
Janeway: And I'm the Highlander.
Torres: No, I'm the Highlander! There can be only one!
Janeway: You're dead. Shut up.

Janeway: Janeway to all hands: turns out we're all fictional.
Neelix: Let's hear it for double entendre.

Paris: Ha! I ain't obeyin' no clone! We might as well put a blow-up doll of Janeway in command.
Kim: I have one of Seven...would that work?

Doc: We should look for the real Voyager.
Janeway: Oh, come on! In what possible way would that help us?
Doc: Well, you never know. Maybe they've discovered a cure for...um...being a rapidly-melting clone.

Janeway: A Class-Y planet! Let's land.
Alien: (over the comm) Hey! Stop that! Stop that right now!
Janeway: But we'll die if we don't land!
Alien: No dice. If we let you, we'll have to let everybody else.

Chakotay: Will you reverse course if I give you a quiet, heartfelt speech?
Janeway: No.
Chakotay: How 'bout if I die?
Janeway: Better.

Janeway: Chakotay is dead. To honour his memory, I'll tell you an ancient folktale of my people.
Paris: But you're from Indiana.
Janeway: Right. (ahem) So two guys walk into a bar, see....

Kim: Let's make a time capsule so we won't be forgotten.
Seven: And then let's let it malfunction so we will be.
Janeway: Have you two ever considered a writing career?

Seven: Uh oh -- interstellar dust!
Janeway: Anybody got an interstellar duster? GAK!
Kim: She's dead!
Seven: Let that be a lesson to us...never anger the Pun Gods.

Kim: It's the real Voyager! Quick, take us out of warp!
Seven: Uh oh...the brakes are jammed!
Kim: Then take the key out of the ignition!
Seven: Okay, here g--

Clone Voyager: FOOM

Real Tuvok: I'm detecting the wreckage of the clone Voyager, but I can't tell that's what it is.
Real Janeway: That's probably very tragic.
(The real Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.


Colin 'Zeke' Hayman is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.

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