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The Trek Nation - 11:59

11:59

By IJD GAF
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 2:40 PM GMT

See Also: '11:59' Episode Guide

Neelix: Quick, tell me everything you know about the Great Wall of China.
Janeway: It's, uh...great and Chinese?
Neelix: You're no fun. I know everything about it.
Janeway: Why now?
Neelix: Because it has stuff in common with the Millennium Gate, and that's this episode's big plot device.
Janeway: Why didn't you say so in the first place? I could tell you all about my identical twin ancestor who built the thing!
Neelix: Bingo.

Shannon O'Donnell: Motorist's Log, Stardate 2000. Indiana sucks, my car's about to break, and I'm about to build a giant biodome, minus Pauly Shore. Let the fictional history begin!

Mean Guy 1: Hi. I'm the kind of guy you drive past when you need directions.
O'Donnell: Excuse me, sir, I need to know where I can get some gas.
Mean Guy 1: You're not too bright, lady, and you're about to hit a car.
O'Donnell: Shucks #1.
Mean Guy 2: You hit my car. That'll be $199.99.
O'Donnell: Shucks #2.
Car: Haha. I don't feel like starting anymore so you'll have to go find a plot somewhere else.
O'Donnell: Shucks #3. Perhaps I'll have better luck with someone without 'mean' in front of his name.

Henry Janeway: Welcome to my bookstore, or as Mark Twain would have said--
O'Donnell: You don't get out much, do you?
Henry: No, I don't. But my son is out and about, completely with the times, right, son?
Jason: Yep. I collect pogs and have every Spice Girls CD out there!
O'Donnell: Mmhmm...so what's with this "Millennium Gate" they're building?
Henry: IT IS THE WORK OF THE DEVIL, I SAY!
O'Donnell: Touchy subject?
Jason: Took him days to snap out of it last time....

O'Donnell: I could go for a cold beer right now.
Henry: Beer is much too advanced for my tastes.
O'Donnell: What isn't too advanced for your tastes?
Henry: The Amish aren't that bad.
O'Donnell: Face it, this is almost 2001 -- the millennium!
Henry: No, no. Last year was the millennium.
O'Donnell: Last year was too close to this episode's airdate. This being the "millennium," we can have such trendy plot devices as the "Millennium Gate."
Henry: Ah, gotcha.

Gerald Moss: Here we see the future home of the Mille--
Henry: SPAWN OF SATAN!
Moss: Ah, yes. Its Janeway with his stubborn "ethics."
O'Donnell: Hey! They've kept the show going for five years now. And I resent the "his" part.
Henry: Psst...you're not a Janeway yet.
O'Donnell: Oh, right.

Moss: Progress good.
Henry: Progress bad.
Jason: Progress trendy.
O'Donnell: Regress confusing, but almost over.

Henry: And now for a night out on the--
O'Donnell: --top floor of your bookstore. Seriously, get a life, man.
Henry: Ok. Let's get down.
O'Donnell: Never!
Henry: Rethink that, will you? Consider your looks and my name on a certain Starfleet Captain.
O'Donnell: Rats.

Janeway: Seven, mind doing some geneology for me?
Seven: Geneology is irrelevant. And you're too far removed to have anything in common with that lady.
Janeway: I wouldn't be so sure....

Neelix: Eww...we found a freaky picture of you with grey hair.
Janeway: Time to get medieval on the fanboy who got snippets of "Endgame" this early....
Neelix: It's your 15th-great-grandmother.
Janeway: Eww, creepy. Now back to the history.

Moss: Let's role-play. I'll be Chakotay, you be Janeway.
O'Donnell: Um....
Moss: You should lay off that whole sleeping-in-the-car bit, and get your boyfriend to back down while you're at it.
O'Donnell: Who are you to tell me what to do and what not to do?
Moss: I have candy.
O'Donnell: Ooh, gimme.

O'Donnell: Time for a nice warm bonding scene.
Jason: But we just met you.
O'Donnell: Shut up, son, or I'll ground you.

O'Donnell: ....so in conclusion, progress good. And so is the Milleniu--
Henry: I DO DECLARE YOU ARE IN LEAGUE WITH THE DEVIL!
O'Donnell: You suck. I'm leaving.
Jason: I thought your car broke.
O'Donnell: Watch your mouth, son.

Kim: So, back in 2210, my ancestor had to go into stasis!
Paris: I don't believe you -- I watched Broken Bow.
Janeway: Ha. I had a real astronaut ancestor.
Paris: I don't believe you either. Go research that one.

Chakotay: You know, in 400 years, history may portray us entirely differently.
Janeway: Give it up, you'll always be the butt of the joke.

Jason: Come quick, it's dad.
O'Donnell: What are you doing up this late? And what is that all over your shoes?
Jason: I'm not your kid, and you have to go convince dad to tell those corporate pigs yes.
O'Donnell: Nah, not till the last minute.

Moss: Well, here it is: the last minute for O'Donnell to convince Janeway to let us tear up his family business.
O'Donnell: Hey, Henry. I love you. Let's close shop, 'kay?
Henry: But...but...'kay.
Jason: That's great news, mom.
O'Donnell: Don't call me mom, kid.

Neelix: Let's invent a holiday!
Doctor: And take a picture!
Janeway: And pout about boring ancestors!
Seven: She inspired you -- her boring-ness is irrelevant.
Janway: Don't give me that lip, young woman.
(Voyager blasts off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.


IJD GAF is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.