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The Trek Nation - Tomorrow is Yesterday

Tomorrow is Yesterday

By IJD GAF
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 9:38 PM GMT

See Also: 'Tomorrow is Yesterday' Episode Guide

Radar Guy: Uh, sir.. a giant object just kinda appeared on Mr. Radar here.
Captain: Mr. Radar? I don't get it. Why don't you get Mr. Jet Plane to check it out.

Captain's Log: We had to use all our warp power to escape a black star. Wait, a black star? What on Earth is that? Now I'm just confused....

Uhura: Receiving transmissions -- what? The first moon flight is scheduled tomorrow? How can that be?
Kirk: Wow, do you think we traveled through time?
Spock: Impossible. The Vulcan Science Directorate--
Uhura: Captain, an interceptor is approaching. Its pilot is making faces at us through the cockpit glass.
Kirk: Well break his plane with the tractor beam, and beam him up!
Spock: What about the Temporal Prime Directive?
Kirk: HA! Where'd you get that one?
Spock: Er...can't say, Temporal Prime Directive.

Kirk: Greetings, Earthling!
Christopher: AGH! Do what you will, alien, just try to avoid the anal probe if at all possible.
Kirk: Uh...that was a joke, just follow me...to the examination room!
Christopher: AH!
Kirk: Kidding, kidding.

Spock: You do realize we can't let him go back.
Kirk: And why not? We could even set him up with some good stocks, and help him out a little. We could set him for life! Maybe even give him a third-world nation to rule....
Spock: I suppose invoking the halibut of thwacking would be too cruel....

Spock: I regret to inform you that we can't send you back, you're stuck here.
Christopher: What? I've got a family!
Kirk: Sucks to be you....
Scotty: (over the comm) I dunno how to get us back, we're stuck here.
Kirk: What? We've got families!
Christopher: Sucks to be you....

Christopher: All right buddy...beam me back or you can eat lead. Or whatever this thing shoots.
Kirk: What are you doing with that? Don't you know I'm Kirk and I'd own you with or without a phaser?
Christopher: Sorry -- It's my first raygun.

Spock: I made an error calculating John Christopher's impact on history; I forgot to figure in his son's accomplishments.
McCoy: You forgot about his kids? HA! I would've remembered that!
Spock: Long story short, we have to send you back, John.
Christopher: Wow, I'm going to have a son? Sure would suck if history recorded that I was supposed to conceive him during the time I'm up here.
McCoy: Hoo boy...forgot his kids...woo....
Spock: Oh, shut up.

Spock: I've got an idea -- we'll slingshot back around the sun. I require time to make my calculations.
Kirk: Well we all know today's track record for your calculations.
Spock: Grumble...well, could we at least go into the base and steal all evidence of our existence?
Kirk: That'd be swell, make us a map John.
Christopher: Zap! You're a map!
Kirk: Never use that joke again.

McCoy: They're taking too long.
Spock: Shut up while I calculate time warp in my head.
McCoy: You're really going to risk using your head when it was the one that forgot--
Spock: Give it up!

Guard: Freeze!
Kirk: Here, hold this communicator, would you?
Guard: Wha--

Guard: --t? Er....
Spock: Hey there.
Kirk: (over the comm) You got him?
Spock: Yes, but why on Earth did you do that? Now we've got two people to put back!
Kirk: Yes, but he's not my problem anymore.

Kirk: Sulu, get ready to beam up while I walk outside and get caught.
Sulu: What's the point in that?
Kirk: Why, drama of course. What else?

Spock: I judge this photography of the Enterprise as poor. I'll go easy on it though and give it a 4.2.
McCoy: Blast it Spock, Jim is down there!
Spock: Your overreaction is only overshadowed by Kirk's inevitability to get out of this mess.

Guard: Name?
Kirk: My name?
Guard: No, my name!
Kirk: I do not know your name!
Guard: ...I only hope you're smart enough not to run off and fall 20 feet to the pavement below.

Christopher: I don't know that Kirk'll make it out of this one....
All: Hahahahahaha!
Christopher: Come on, he doesn't even have a communicator, he'll at least need our help.
All: Hahahahahaha!
Christopher: Well can we at least give him a hand and speed things up?
Spock: No.
Christopher: What'll it take to convince you that not all guest stars have manipulative agendas?
Spock: Gullibility.
Christopher: Well...your shoe's untied!
Spock: It does not appear to be so from this altitude. However, I will bend down for further examination.
Christopher: Now's our chance, Sulu!

Kirk: Aren't you a little short for a Starfleet officer?
Christopher: Huh? Oh, the uniform. I'm John Christopher, I'm here to rescue you. I'm here with Spock--
Kirk: Spock? Here?
Spock: ...upon further examination, these are loafers.
Kirk: Yep, that's Spock all right.

Christopher: Well I guess I won't see you later.
Kirk: Aren't you coming?
Christopher: Nah, that's why I'm pointing a gun at you.
Spock: Don't listen to him, because I'm nerve pinching him.
Kirk: For crying out loud, this isn't Shakespeare; you don't have to describe your every action to the audience!

Captain's Log: In order to get out of this one, we need a miracle. And maybe a calculator for Spock too.

Spock: As we near the sun, we will go back in time before yesterday -- before we abducted John. We'll just beam him back to yesterday.
Kirk: Great, when can we start?
Spock: Tomorrow.
Kirk: I should have guessed.

Sulu: Here we go....
....dniweR :esirpretnE
Guard and Christopher: Later!
Enterprise: ...Fast forward.
Kirk: Note to self -- try to keep jokes inspired from the VCR this episode was watched from to a minimum.

Sulu: We're back!
Kirk: Good, notify Starfleet Command we've returned.
Spock: Do they even know we left?
Kirk: Of course not. I contact them so rarely, and when I do I like to confuse them.
Spock: A reckless course of action.
Kirk: It's kept me from getting promoted to Admiral so far....
(The Enterprise warps off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.


IJD GAF is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.