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The Trek Nation - We'll Always Have Paris

We'll Always Have Paris

By KJP
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 5:11 PM GMT

See Also: 'We'll Always Have Paris' Episode Guide

Nameless Lieutenant: Touché!
Picard: Ow! Just for that I won't tell you your name!
Nameless Lieutenant: Aw, have a heart, sir! Can we try that again?
(tape-recorder fweeeeeeep)
Picard: Ow! Just for that I won't tell you your name!
Nameless Lieutenant: That wasn't quite what I meant.

Picard: Data, what just happened?
Data: Cause unknown, sir. Effects are also unknown.
Picard: Mr. Data, I need android analysis, not Betazoid bafflement.

Troi: Sir, you seem to have more issues regarding Dr. Manheim than you're letting on.
Picard: Did your empathic abilities tune you into that?
Troi: That, and the way you knocked the arm off your captain's chair with a rolled-up towel.

Picard: Ah, the Holodeck. No better place to be when there's time warps and spatial anomalies about.
Holo-Waiter: Bonjour, monsieur. Your first time in Paris?
Picard: What, don't you recognize a French accent when you hear it?

Riker: Captain, are the rumors of Dr. Manheim's mental instability true?
La Forge: Arriving at coordinates, and receiving a new message: "Set course for the second star to the right, and straight on till morning."
Picard: No, Number One, not that I'm aware of.

La Forge: Arriving at Dr. Manheim's lab.
Female Voice: Who's there?
Picard: This is the captain of the Enterprise, but definitely not the man who stood you up in a Paris café years ago.
Female Voice: Oh, hi, Jean-Luc.
Picard: Crap.

Jenice Manheim: *smooch*
Picard: You always loved to end long expositional conversations that way.
Crusher: It's only the first season -- should I be jealous yet?
Picard: Nothing is outside the realm of the P/C 'shippers.

Picard: It's us, from fifteen seconds ago!
Picard 2: It's us, from fifteen seconds from now!
Picard: Hmm. I think I'm starting to see what the problem is here....

Data: What we have just witnessed is the Manheim Effect, wherein events regularly repeat themselves.
Riker: So what?
Data: In theory, this could allow us to achieve a full hour episode from only half an hour of story.
Riker: Big deal. We're doing that now by padding it with the captain's love scenes.

Crusher: Dr. Manheim is awake, but not fully aware.
Dr. Manheim: My mind feels like it is floating between two places.
Crusher: He seems to be suffering from an overdose of New Age music.

Picard: We need your help to fix things.
Dr. Manheim: Impossible. To even understand it would require someone who speaks native technobabble.
Data: You called?

Picard: I called this meeting so we can fret over what will happen to the timescape if we fail.
Jenice: May I pull you away for a dull private conversation?
Picard: Sure, why not. After all, we have to justify this episode's title somehow.
Jenice: And here I thought it would involve some misfit Maquis lieutenant.

Picard: Now remember, Mr. Data, when fixing a time anomaly, you have to have an appropriate "time" catch phrase to use at the crucial moment.
Data: Okay, how about... "Time to take out the trash"?
Picard: Ugh. I would think any Starfleet officer could come up with something better than THAT.

Data: Okay, I have dodged the security lasers, evaded the fluorescent bulbs of doom, and now...
Time Distortion: WHOOSH
Data 1: Uh oh, there are three of me now. Hmm....
Data 3: Helloooooooooooooo....
Data 2: ......Hellooooooooooo....
Data 1: ............Helloooooooo....
All Three Datas: Hello.
Data 3: I always wanted to do that.

Data: Time to pour the antimatter.
Time Distortion: What, THAT'S your catch phrase?
Data: No, it is what I am doing. Catch phrases are overrated.
Time Distortion: GAK!

Picard: Before we say farewell and you return to your husband, may I ask what you think of our Holodeck's re-creation of the French café?
Jenice: Very authentic. I haven't seen our waiter in over an hour.

Picard: Set a course, Mr. La Forge. What are you staring at, Number One?
Riker: Oh, nothing, just wondering how I would have handled the situation of dealing with the attractive wife of an eccentric scientist on a remote space station.
Picard: Right, as if that could ever happen again. Engage!
(The Enterprise sails off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.


KJP is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.