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The Trek Nation - The Host

The Host

By Marc Richard
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 5:32 PM GMT

See Also: 'The Host' Episode Guide

Crusher: (smooch!)
Ambassador Odan: (smooch!)
Data: Am I interrupting anything?
Odan: We were, um, discussing my upcoming mediation efforts on Peliar Zel.
Data: Then the information I bring you comes at a critical juncture.
Crusher: Five more minutes and I would have said yes.

Crusher: Why do you keep calling me "Doctor Beverly"? Don't Trills understand the concept of first and last names?
Odan: Yes, but you'd never believe how the naming system works on our planet.
Crusher: Is that why you keep calling your famous father, "Ambassador Odan I, The Prequel"?
Odan: It beats referring to myself as a sequel, wouldn't you agree?

Governor Leka: The current dispute between our two moons has become a full-blown crisis. How to you plan to resolve it?
Odan: In the same way my father resolved their last dispute -- by treating the two sides like squabbling children.
Leka: But that was decades ago. Now they are more like squabbling adolescents.
Odan: Then that could be a problem.

Troi: Beverly, are you sure your feelings for Odan aren't just an infatuation?
Beverly: I don't think they are -- though I admit that I do have a weakness for men with long, dark, wavy hair.
Troi: Or none at all?
Beverly: Hah! Have I ever shown the slightest interest in Mr. Mot?
Troi: Your denials would be a lot more convincing if you weren't sitting in his barber's chair.

Odan: Before I shuttle down to the negotiations, I have a gift for you -- a pair of Trill earrings.
Crusher: They're lovely! But...how could you have bought them for me? We hadn't met before you came aboard.
Odan: Actually, they're mine. I mean, uh, they're sort of an old family heirloom. Yes, that's it.

Riker: Our shuttle's being attacked by an unknown ship!
(BLAM!)
Odan: GAK!
Picard: (over the comm) Can you make it back to the Enterprise?
Riker: Standard Starfleet procedures call for us to crash-land on a hostile moon, sir.
Picard: Let's dispense with the rulebook this time, shall we?

Crusher: The Ambassador's in shock, he's lost as lot of blood....
Nurse Ogawa: ...and he also seems to be pregnant.
Crusher: But that's impossible! We were really carefu--
Ogawa: No, wait...it's actually some kind of large abdominal parasite.
Crusher: Oh. Ahem. That was going to be my next guess.

Crusher: The Trill are a joined species?
Odan: Yes. Contact my homeworld immediately and tell them I need a new host body for my symbiont.
Crusher: How do I get in touch with the appropriate person?
Odan: We have a special 1-800 number that you can call.

Crusher: Odan's host is dead. Someone needs to carry the symbiont and act as the Ambassador until a Trill replacement gets here.
Riker: I volunteer.
Crusher: Hosting the symbiont could kill you!
Riker: Weigh that against the opportunity for me to wear an elegant blue diplomatic uniform.

Crusher: The implantation is complete. How do you feel?
Riker/Odan: Like the third part of a trilogy, but otherwise fine. And how do you feel, sugarplum?
Crusher: How do you expect me to feel about having Deanna's ex-boyfriend make a pass at me?

Riker/Odan: Will you allow me to serve as mediator?
Alpha Moon Delegate: Not if you are acceptable to the Beta delegate!
Beta Moon Delegate: Not if you are acceptable to the Alpha delegate!
Riker/Odan: Since each of you finds me unacceptable, does this mean that you both agree to my offer of service?
Both Delegates: Of course.
Leka: (aside to Picard) He's good.
Picard: (aside to Leka) And a damn fine poker player, too.

Crusher: Your body isn't accepting the symbiont anymore.
Riker/Odan: As long as I can die in your arms, honey, I don't mind.
Crusher: All you're getting from me are immunosuppressants, mister.
Picard: (entering Sickbay) I heard that the Ambassador is ill.
Crusher: Yes -- he's suffering from rejection.
Riker/Odan: In more ways than one.

Crusher: I was, uh, thinking that...if Deanna were to be attracted to Worf, that would hypothetically make it all right for me to be interested in you.
Riker/Odan: And how likely is that, do you think?
Crusher: (smooch!)
Riker/Odan: Good hypothesis.

Picard: I wonder how the Ambassador is holding up to these marathon negotiations.
Riker/Odan: (entering Bridge) We are victorious! (collapses)
Picard: Never mind the histrionics -- how did the meeting go?

Worf: Good news, Doctor. The new Trill host, Kareel, is finally here.
Crusher: Where? I don't see anyone.
Worf: Our guest first had to stop by the ladies' room.
Crusher: That's strange. Is the men's washroom broken?
Worf: It is working considerably better than your ability to take a hint.

Kareel Odan: Thank you for saving my life, Doctor Beverly.
Crusher: You're welcome -- but I'm afraid that I'll have to break off our relationship.
Odan: Why? Because I've changed bodies again?
Crusher: No -- because I can't handle the fact that these earrings would look better on you than on me.
(Odan leaves Sickbay at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.


Marc Richard is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.