Posted at December 25, 2004 - 5:43 PM GMT
See Also: 'Schisms' Episode Guide
Data: And now for my forty-seventh poem. There was a Lieutenant named Yar, who was killed by a big ball of tar; she once lost her head, and took Data to bed -- which was more than a little bizarre.
Riker: I'm always, tired, Doctor. Can you do something about it?
Crusher: Try some nice warm milk.
Riker: That's your solution to everything.
Computer: Cargo bay four just went boom.
La Forge: That can't be good.
La Forge: Hey! There's nothing here. Computer!
Computer: Hahahahaha! Psych!
La Forge: ...so I think we should fluxise the sensor googletrons.
La Forge: Still tired?
Riker: Your boring me to death isn't helping matters.
Riker: Man, I'm beat. Time for bed.
La Forge: Time to get up, Commander.
Mott: What will it be today, Lieutenant? Shampoo? Shave? Highlights?
Worf: That would bring out my cheekbones....
Mott: You know what you need? A manicure.
Worf: Now you've gone too far.
Data: Your trip to Sickbay did not take long.
La Forge: What are you talking about? I've been gone for over an hour.
La Forge: Time flies when you're having fun.
Data: It does seem that the passage of time is accelerated when boring coworkers are absent.
Riker: You're driving all wrong, Ensign. Here, let me do it.
Ensign: Sir, aren't First Officers notoriously crash-prone when they pilot ships?
Riker: Good point. Deanna, you'd better take the helm.
Troi: Computer, show me the table that the others are remembering.
Computer: What am I, psychic? I need more information than that.
Troi: Just use your magic ability to know exactly what we mean.
Computer: Why don't you just use your magic ability to state the obvious to help me out?
Troi: Hey! That was an insult!
Worf: Say, this table looks familiar.
La Forge: Oh my God! We were abducted by aliens!
Riker: I thought that only happened in cornfields.
Picard: Computer, is there anyone missing?
Computer: Sure, but it's only a couple of redshirts.
Picard: What? Why didn't you say anything?
Computer: You didn't ask.
La Forge: Hey, it's a hole in subspace. Don't see that every day.
Data: No -- every five point three days, on average.
Lieutenant Hagler: GAK!
Picard: Whoever's behind this owes me one redshirt.
Riker: Next time the aliens take me, I'll wear a homing beacon so you can find me.
Crusher: What if they don't give you back?
Picard: Let's not be too optimistic here.
La Forge: (over the comm) Commander Riker and Ensign Rager are back safely, Captain.
Crusher: Ha! You owe me ten credits.
Captain's Log: Will all absent crewmembers please speak up?
Excellent. Everyone is accounted for.
(A few nameless ensigns get left behind at Ludicrous Speed)
Kira is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.