Remember MeBy Marc Richard
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 5:26 PM GMT
See Also: 'Remember Me' Episode Guide
Crusher: It's good to see you again, Dalen. I'm sorry to hear about Patricia's death.
Dr. Quaice: After all our years together, I feel so lonely. How did you cope when you lost Jack?
Crusher: I found it helpful to read a lot of books.
Quaice: Like what?
Crusher: Like Robinson Crusoe and Far From the Madding Crowd, for instance.
Wesley: Sorry, Mom, I can't talk -- I'm running an important experiment.
Crusher: That's okay. I'll just proudly watch my genius son at work.
La Forge: Wes, I need my warp engines back now.
Wesley: Aw, can't I stay up and play with them just a little longer?
La Forge: Doctor, can you remember him being this annoying as a two-year-old? Uh, Doc? Hello?
Crusher: Uh, Dalen? Hello? Computer, locate Dr. Dalen Quaice.
Computer: Your inquiry was not recognized.
Crusher: But he's supposed to be aboard!
Computer: Non sequitur. Your facts are uncoordinated.
Crusher: I think this is shaping up to be one of those days again.
Crusher: Did you find Dr. Quaice?
Worf: Our level-one search of the ship turned up nothing.
Crusher: Why didn't you run a level-two search?
Worf: Is your friend bigger than a breadbox?
Worf: Then a level-one search should be enough.
Crusher: I've misplaced an old friend of mine.
Data: So has Starfleet, apparently. There are no records of his existence.
Crusher: But that's ridiculous! He and I played bridge last night with Dr. Hill and Dr. Selar!
Picard: And who are they, pray tell?
La Forge: The static warp bubble experiment that Wesley ran may have caused Dr. Quaice to disappear.
Picard: What was the purpose of this experiment?
Wesley: I was testing Kosinski's Advanced Hyperspatial Propulsion Theorem.
Picard: "No matter where you go, there you are"?
Wesley: That's the one.
Crusher: My entire medical staff is gone!
Riker: Considering how much Starfleet has had to downsize lately, that's not surprising.
Data: Moreover, a single doctor is quite sufficient for a crew of 230 people.
Crusher: What? Where did the 784 other crewmen go?
Picard: Relax, Doctor. If we can cope with personnel cutbacks, then so can you.
Crusher: A luminous vortex in Sickbay nearly pulled me off the ship!
Picard: Sounds serious. It's too bad we don't have a chief of security who could look into this.
Crusher: But we do have one! Either that or I've gone completely mad!
Troi: Don't be so categorical. You may simply have gone partially mad.
Crusher: That does not make me feel better.
Crusher: You and I are the only two people on this entire ship?
Picard: Yes. Cozy, isn't it?
Crusher: Ordinarily, I'd say yes, but....
Wesley: What happened to my mother?
Traveler: Your experiment trapped her in a bubble universe of her own creation. It is a dimension of thought, a dimension of mind. I call it....
Wesley: The Twilight Zone?
Traveler: The Wesley Gaffe.
Crusher: Computer, viewscreen on.
Crusher: Because the truth is out there.
Computer: Very well -- viewscreen on. What does the truth look like?
Crusher: Disturbingly like the inside of a very large ping-pong ball.
Crusher: Computer, what is the nature of the universe?
Computer: Is this some sort of trick question?
Crusher: I hope not.
Crusher: Computer, what just happened?
Computer: The spherical universe we occupy is collapsing. Its periphery has just obliterated the forward edge of the ship's saucer section.
Crusher: Does that mean that Ten-Forward is now the Restaurant at the End of The Universe?
Computer: Very well put.
Wesley: You want me to input the retrieval equations with my targeting computer off, my helmet blast shield down and my eyes closed?
Traveler: Wesley, trust me. Let go. Reach out with your feelings.
Wesley: Yes, Master.
Picard: (aside to La Forge) What are they talking about?
La Forge: (aside to Picard) Beats me. They lost me ten minutes ago when they were swordfighting against some little floating drone thingies.
Crusher: I've found the vortex! If I jump into it, I'll be home!
Computer: Isn't that a rather large leap of faith to make? Wouldn't you much rather stay here with me?
Computer: Uh, Doc? Hello?
Picard: Beverly! You're back!
Crusher: (to the Traveler) Do I have you to thank for getting me home?
Traveler: No, Wesley did it.
Wesley: I guess that means you'll forgive me for trapping you in the first place, huh?
Crusher: Sorry to burst your bubble, young man, but you're not getting any dessert for the next two weeks!
Wesley: Aw, Mom!
(The warp bubble and Wesley's morale collapse at Ludicrous Speed)
Marc Richard is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.