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The Trek Nation - Realm of Fear

Realm of Fear

By Marc Richard
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 5:42 PM GMT

See Also: 'Realm of Fear' Episode Guide

Picard: (over the comm) Geordi, we've found the science vessel Yosemite adrift in a plasma streamer. Can we get to them with the transporter?
La Forge: We'd have to figure out how to cut through the ionic interference.
Barclay: How about connecting their transporter to ours with a very long extension cord?
La Forge: Great idea, Reg. We'll do that and beam over.
Barclay: I, ah, presume you mean the editorial "we"?
La Forge: Nor the royal one either, no.
Barclay: Oh joy.

O'Brien: Are you sure you want to transport first, Mr. Worf? It'll be a rough ride.
Worf: Do you know anything about Klingon mating practices, Chief?
O'Brien: Okay, I see your point. Who'll go after him?
Barclay: Not me. I'm not finished working on this computer console.
La Forge: What are you doing with it?
Barclay: Trying to locate the text of the Twenty-Third Psalm.

Troi: Reg, what made you run away like that?
Barclay: Transporter phobia. Actually, more like transporter freakoutia in my case.
Troi: You mean you've never used a transporter?
Barclay: Never. I prefer to travel by Starfleet shuttlecraft -- they're much safer.

Troi: Try tapping your fingertips behind your ear.
Barclay: Is that some kind of Betazoid relaxation technique?
Troi: Yes, it's called "plexing." It releases theobromine into the brain.
Barclay: Theobromine?
Troi: The psychoactive component of chocolate.

Barclay: All right, Chief -- I'm ready to have my body deconstructed, scrambled, squirted through a torrent of ionic interference and hopefully reassembled.
O'Brien: What changed your mind?
Barclay: Counselor Troi gave me a pep talk on positive thinking.

Riker: A broken sample jar, traces of an explosion, a burned body...what do you think this all adds up to?
La Forge: It's possible the Yosemite crew was trying to air-pop some popcorn by dropping it into a container of hot stellar plasma.
Riker: Why not just get it from the food replicators?
La Forge: You know how scientists are, sir -- always experimenting with new ideas.

Barclay: Has a flying sock puppet ever bitten your arm in the transporter beam?
La Forge: No. Why do you ask?
Barclay: It was, um, just sort of a nervous hypothetical question.
La Forge: Reg, get a grip on yourself. Transporters are the safest way to travel.
Barclay: Tell that to what's left of Commander Sonak.

Barclay: Computer, what are the symptoms of transporter psychosis?
Computer: Stuttering, social ineptitude, chronic jitters and hypochondria.
Barclay: I'm doomed.

Troi: Do you have the blues, Reg?
Barclay: My arm does, but not the rest of me.
Troi: I still think you should go off duty and run a stress reduction program.
Barclay: Must I? Those things always get on my nerves.

Barclay: I want you to beam me to the Yosemite and back again.
O'Brien: You want to use the transporter? Sir, are you feeling all right?
Barclay: Either there's something alive in there or I'm mentally unbalanced!
O'Brien: I think that covers all the bases.

Troi: Reg, why didn't you report that your arm had been ionized?
Barclay: I thought I was just imagining the blue glow.
Crusher: But we can see it too. Even your imagination's not powerful enough to do that.
Barclay: It was before the Cytherians took away my brain enhancements.

Data: Force field is now in place around the plasma sample.
La Forge: Okay -- initiating scan.
Sample container: KER-BLAM!
La Forge: Data... something in this plasma seems to be alive.
Data: Perhaps it is hungry. Should we give it some popcorn?

La Forge: If we suspend Reg in the transporter beam....
Data: ....we should be able to extract the quasi-energy microbes from his body....
Crusher: ....before his signal degrades enough to kill him! That's brilliant!
Barclay: Uh, can I express a few reservations here?
La Forge: Don't bother. We can outvote you three to one.

Barclay: Look what I found in the transporter beam!
La Forge: Hmm... that's one hell of a big microbe.
Crusher: A microbe with two arms and two legs? Geordi, it's one of the missing Yosemite crewmen!
La Forge: Hey, what do you want from me? I'm an engineer, not a biologist!

O'Brien: Meet my pet tarantula.
Barclay: She's kind of intimidating.
O'Brien: I thought so too until the day I tried to feed Data's cat.
(The Enterprise sails away at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.


Marc Richard is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.