Rascals By Admiral Sab
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 5:44 PM GMT

See Also: 'Rascals' Episode Guide

Picard Jr.: Hullo.
O'Brien: Ooops.

Crusher: Their minds haven't been affected, but it looks like their bodies have shrunk.
Troi: Maybe they were left in the dryer too long.
Crusher: Yeah, or it may have something to do with the de-aging energy field.
Riker: Either way, does this mean I get to be Captain or not?
Picard Jr.: Not.
Riker: Fooey!
Picard Jr.: Oh, grow up.

Guinan Jr.: Wanna relive your childhood?
Ro Jr.: No, I don't wanna!
Guinan Jr.: See it's easy, you're already mastering the terrible twos!

Picard Jr.: I know I look like a Chibi, but give me a chance. I am Picard. See, I even tug at my uniform too.
Data: Good enough for me.
Crusher: Captain, I need to speak with you NOW.
Picard Jr.: Hmmmm this could be interesting... Hello, Mrs. Robinson.
Crusher: I don't think so, Jean-Luc. Nice try though. I'm here to relive you of duty.
Picard Jr.: Fine, okay, I'll relieve myself.
Worf: Snicker.

Guinan Jr.: Stop pouting, girlfriend! Live it up!
Ro Jr.: Leave me alone, Guinan, or I'll whoop your butt!
Guinan Jr.: I know there's a pun in there somewhere....

O'Brien: Well, this is awkward.
Keiko Jr.: I'm still you're wife.
O'Brien: Yes, but you're almost the same age as Molly.
Molly: Are you my new babysitter?
Keiko Jr.: Kiss me!
O'Brien: This is so illegal!

Picard Jr.: I want to be taken seriously, Counselor.
Troi: I understand, so do I.
Picard Jr.: Focus on me. Should I go be Wes's roommate or be Captain?
Troi: That's a tough one. Maybe you should talk to a Counselor.
Picard Jr.: You are a Counselor.
Troi: Right... oh well then you're screwed.

Crusher: This is the Captain's reduenlah vehenah nucleic sequence....
Riker: Duh uh what?
Crusher: He's missing some pieces and I have to put them back... but I don't know how.
Riker: Maybe the Lego people can help.
Crusher: Why me?

La Forge: What's this?
O'Brien: A piece of bulkhead from the wrecked shuttlecraft.
La Forge: I know that, but what's it made of now? It's like cardboard.
O'Brien: It must have something to do with the accident.
La Forge: That's what I was thinking! High five!

Ro Jr.: Ho hum, I hate being small.
Guinan Jr.: I haven't been a child in centuries. Let's jump on the bed.
Ro Jr.: Mkay! YAY! I don't wanna grow up, I'm a Toys-R-Us kid....

La Forge: We've figured out why the energy field confused the transporter.
Crusher: Which means that we can reverse the effect by--
Worf: (over the comm) Commander Riker, report to the Bridge.
Riker: I'm coming up now. Guys, don't finish this without me, I don't wanna miss a thing.
Crusher: So as I was saying--
Riker: I said zip it!

Worf: Commander, the Ferengi are coming! The Ferengi are coming!
Riker: Fire at their ships!
Worf: Too late! We are being boarded!
Riker: Aw man... just when I finally got to be Captain!

DaiMon Lurin: HA! We have your ship! Now we will beam the adults aboard down to Legoland and make you build our Lego Fortress!
Riker: You'll never get away with this.
Lurin: Probably not, but it's a fun thought anyways.

Picard Jr.: I think we need to retake the ship by outsmarting the Ferengi.
Guinan Jr.: That's not very hard or very fun. Instead let's be kids.
Picard Jr.: Ehh... Fine, as long as I don't have to throw a temper tantrum.

Picard Jr.: Computer, show me the security schematics of the Enterprise.
School Computer: Now why would you want to see that? How about a nice picture of the ship instead? Can you spell "ship"?
Ro Jr.: I think the computer's just turned into a shipper, sir.
Picard Jr.: Oh, great. As if I don't already have enough of those to deal with.

Ro Jr.: Sir, I've found a service conduit. Guinan and I can use it to get to Engineering.
Picard Jr.: All right, make it so.
Guinan Jr.: You just couldn't resist, could you?

Picard Jr.: Okay, we've managed to steal some phasers and hyposprays. Now for Phase Two of our plan.
Keiko Jr.: So how you gonna get on the Bridge, sir?
Picard Jr.: Don't ask, it'll only humiliate me further....

Riker: What do you want Capt-- er, I mean son?
Picard Jr.: I wanna try to take over the ship-- I mean, I wanna play some games, but the computers aren't working.
Riker: Oh right, of course. I'll ask Mr. Ferengi here if I can turn on the schoolroom computer for you.
Picard Jr.: Great, Number One...er Dad.
Ferengi: Dum de dumb.
Picard Jr.: Ha, it worked.

Lurin: Release the command codes or your son dies!
Riker: I won't let you kill my son you Ferengi bast--
Lurin: Then show Morta here exactly how to use your computers!
Riker: Oh this is going to be fun.

Morta: So how do I turn it on?
Riker: You use this hand to push that button.
Morta: This button?
Riker: No, that one shuts down the hard drive and then all the aljfhdto hdofhfgk jfohfto things will blow up. Got it?
Morta: Uh, yes-- wait, what's other hand doing to that other panel over there?
Riker: Pay attention to what I'm teaching you!
Morta: Sorry! Um, where were we?

Picard Jr.: I've got computer control! All right, troops, let's retake our ship!
Enterprise Kids: Chaaaaaaarge!
Picard Jr.: Mr Worf is never going to live this down....

Riker: This is the ahtheo huho afjdfhuoeh... PUNCH!!
Morta: Ow.

Picard Jr.: Get out of my chair.
Lurin: Hah! You must be kidding.
Picard Jr.: (aiming a phaser) Wrong choice of words.
Lurin: Gulp.

Picard Jr.'s Log: The Ferengi are dumb, Legos are great, and we're about to see if I can grow up again....

Crusher: Okay, Jean-Luc, time to grow up.
Picard Jr.: It's been fun.
(The transporter energizes)
Picard: Aw man, you could have left the balding problem out of my gene sequence.

Guinan: You ready to grow up?
Ro Jr.: Not yet. Wanna color with me?
Guinan: Sure! Then we can play with Legos....
(Guinan and Ro draw with crayons at Frivolous Speed)


Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.

Admiral Sab is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.