Q Who?By Marc Richard
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 5:16 PM GMT
See Also: 'Q Who?' Episode Guide
La Forge: Why are you so polite to our replicators?
Gomez: I called one of these things an overgrown toaster once and it never forgave me.
Gomez: I'm so glad to have this chance to serve....
Gomez: ....the Captain some hot chocolate.
La Forge: Sonya, the Captain likes tea. Preferably in a cup, if you catch my drift.
Q: Let me take care of that soaked uniform, Jean-Luc.
Picard: Q, give me back my clothes this instant!
Q: Can I at least add some marshmallows?
Picard: Why did you send this shuttle to the other side of the galaxy?
Q: I'm warming up for my next prank.
Guinan: (over the comm) Bridge, I'm sensing something odd in Ten-Forward.
Riker: How? Do you have a sensor dish hidden in that silly hat of yours?
Guinan: Who told you?
Riker: The Captain has mysteriously disappeared from the ship.
Wesley: Hey, neat! Does that mean we all get to move up in rank?
Worf: The Captain has mysteriously reappeared in Ten-Forward.
Q: Eh? You?
Guinan: Aye, I.
Picard: What is this...first-grade alphabet class?
Q: I came here to serve you.
Picard: Not more hot chocolate, I hope.
Q: I'm going to teach you arrogant humans a lesson!
(The Enterprise is catapulted 7,000 light-years)
Guinan: Q, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times: DON'T PROVOKE THE BORG!
Data: We are near system J-25.
Riker: How could this system have a name? This whole sector is unexplored.
Data: I just made it up, sir.
Data: The approaching cubical ship has no bridge, no engine room and no crew.
Worf: It also has no shields and no identifiable weapons.
Riker: I guess it's harmless. We'd better keep our shields down.
Picard: Agreed. We don't want to look threatening.
Guinan: (over the comm) Could I make a small comment here?
Picard: What did the cybernetic intruder do when he arrived?
La Forge: He studied and accessed our food replicator, sir.
Gomez: And he didn't even say "please" to it!
Picard: Lieutenant Worf, apprehend the intruder!
Worf: Anonymous Ensign, apprehend the intruder!
(The Borg drone clobbers the Ensign)
Q: Uniform colours may change, but some traditions never do....
Guinan: The Borg always attack in force, never individually.
Picard: So they'd never send a single cube against Earth, right?
Borg Ship: (over the comm) We're Borg. Get assimilated. Resistance sucks.
Troi: Captain, they may be threatening us.
Riker: Not the kind of "friendly" greeting you'd use, eh sir?
Picard: Let's hope that's the last we ever hear of it.
Troi: We're dealing with a collective mind here.
Picard: Hmm..."collective." Catchy term.
Q: The Borg want two things from you. One is your technology.
Picard: And the other?
Q: Are you sure you want to know?
Picard: (over the comm) Describe the inside of the Borg ship.
Riker: It's not what I'd call a hive of activity.
Picard: Q, we need you!
Q: I was hoping for "want," but I'll settle for that.
Guinan: Because of Q, the Borg now know of your existence.
Picard: Perhaps what we needed was a kick in our complacency.
Guinan: Perhaps what Q needs is to be stabbed with a fork.
(The Enterprise sails away at Ludicrous Speed)
Marc Richard is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.