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The Trek Nation - Loud as a Whisper

Loud as a Whisper

By Marc Richard
Posted at December 25, 2004 - 5:12 PM GMT

See Also: 'Loud as a Whisper' Episode Guide

Picard: It will be an honour to meet the man who negotiated our treaty of alliance with the Klingons.
Worf: Indeed. Before Riva, there was no Klingon word for "peacemaker."
Riker: What was the nearest equivalent?
Worf: Hok'beh -- "ignominious coward who begs to surrender."
Riker: Yes, "peacemaker" is definitely an improvement.

Picard: Greetings, sir.
Riva: ...
Picard: I'm afraid I didn't quite catch that.
Riva: !
Picard: Look, there's no need to get abusive....

Chorus: Riva is deaf. We three interpret his thoughts and serve as his voice.
Intellect: I speak in matters of logic and reason.
Passion: I represent emotion and spontaneity.
Harmony: And I strive to maintain balance between the others.
Picard: I'm surprised you don't also have a Scottish engineer on your team.
Harmony: We do, but he is on holiday this week.

Riva and Passion: You are an empath, lovely lady?
Troi: Yes, I'm half-Betazoid.
Riva and Passion: And what is your role aboard the Enterprise?
Picard: Like your chorus, Counselor Troi serves as an interpreter. She figures out for us if the aliens we deal with are hostile or untrustworthy.

Picard: This is our Bridge. Allow me to present my First Officer, Commander Riker.
Riva and Intellect: (places hand on Riker's chest) Greetings, Commander.
Riker: Are you planning to introduce yourself to Counselor Troi with this gesture?
Riva and Intellect: I've already had the great pleasure of meeting her.
Riker: I was hoping you wouldn't phrase it that way.

Riva and Passion: I would love to spend some time alone with you in your quarters.
Troi: Alone? Meaning "just the three of us?"
Riva and Passion: Of course. Do you feel that this would put you in an awkward position?
Troi: I was hoping you wouldn't phrase it that way.

Riva and Intellect: I am confident that I will be able to end the war on Solais V.
Picard: What negotiating principle do you plan to use in your mediation work?
Riva and Intellect: "Speak softly, for those who cannot hear an angry shout may strain to hear a whisper."
Picard: Your words are wise ones. Every Federation ambassador should know them.
Riva and Intellect: What makes you think they don't already?

Riva and Intellect: Let us meet the enemy factions on this plateau. We'll need a few symbolic objects to help our talks -- a triangular table, some torches of peace....
Riker: It might also be a good idea to have mistletoe.
Riva and Intellect: Missile toe? What is that?
Data: A disease similar to athlete's foot which used to afflict rocket-launched astronauts.

Riva and Harmony: Brothers! Lay down your weapons!
Warrior #1: I will if they do it first!
Warrior #2: And I will if they do it first!
Warrior #3: Well, I won't do it either way until you explain your peace plan!
Riva and Harmony: It's very simple. Each side just has to admit that your dispute is a stupid one.
(ZAP!)
Chorus: GAK!

Picard: What happened down there?
Worf: We were unexpectedly fired on. All three interpreters are dead.
Picard: So much for Riva's confidence in his negotiating skills.
Riker: I know. The surprise left him speechless.

Data: I have been studying various sign languages in the hope of communicating with Riva, but I am not sure which one will work best.
Picard: Choose one and give us a demonstration. What would be the sign for "happy"?
Data: " :) "
Picard: I'd skip to the next choice if I were you.

Troi: Data has learned your sign language, Riva. He'll serve as your interpreter when you return to the negotiations.
Data: Riva says, "No! I refuse to meet with the people who murdered my friends!"
Picard: Then what shall I tell the Solari factions to go do with themselves?
Data: Riva says....
Picard: Never mind. I understood that one on my own.

Troi: The Captain wants me to negotiate peace between the factions. Do you have any advice that would help me?
Data: Riva says, "You must find a way to turn disadvantage into advantage."
Troi: You sound like my high school judo teacher.
Data: I was not aware that you practiced judo, Counselor.
Troi: I used to. I gave it up when I lost a match to a kindergartner.
Data: Riva says, "Perhaps I should handle the negotiations after all."

Troi: It's settled. Riva will stay on the planet and teach the Solari sign language.
Riker: How will that bring peace after centuries of war?
Data: Because the two factions will finally learn how to communicate with each other.
Troi: Besides -- have you ever tried holding a gun while using sign language?
Worf: Where I come from, pointing a gun is a form of sign language.
Riker: Worf, has a word for "diplomacy" ever been added to the Klingon language?
Worf: Not yet. The closest equivalent is....
Riker: Forget I asked. I think I'd rather not know.
(The Enterprise sails off at Ludicrous Speed)

THE END

Find more episode info in the Episode Guide.


Marc Richard is one of the contributors of Five-Minute Voyager, where sci-fi episodes are reduced to "fivers" of one-twelfth their original length.